PMT DB
PMT DB
Nikki Bella on Wrestling Reality, Tony Scheffler, and Mt. Rushmore of Farm Animals
It is late July, and the sports calendar is so dry that the world has been forced to spend three straight days litigating LeBron James’ behavior at his son’s AAU games. Big Cat and PFT are already exhausted by the cycle, specifically the part where everyone has to weigh in on LeBron's merit as a father because he dunked in a layup line.
Big CatLeBron James' dunking in layup lines is hurting his son's team by risking technical fouls
We just kind of thought it was a little awkward that he was dunking in a layup line and that technically is a technical foul if we want to go by the letter of the rules so he's hurting his son's team by assessing a technical foul before the game even starts.
PFT suggested that if we really want to find an indictment of LeBron’s parenting, we should look at the sport his kids are playing rather than his sideline celebrations.
PFT CommenterLeBron James doesn't love his kids because he lets them play basketball instead of football
I would actually say that the worst thing that LeBron James is doing, the proof that he doesn't actually love his kids, is that they're playing basketball and not football. Like LeBron James should have been a football player to begin with. He's always kind of taking the coward's way out.
Training Camp Chaos and Cowboys Logic
Football is finally peeking over the horizon, bringing with it the glorious return of Jon Gruden gushing over quarterbacks. Gruden has apparently fallen in love with "Nate" Peterman, which Big Cat views as a late-summer miracle. Meanwhile, the contract standoff between Jerry Jones and Ezekiel Elliott is reaching Cabo-levels of intensity. While the internet is busy mocking Jerry for saying you don't need a rushing champion to win a ring, Big Cat is actually finding himself on the owner's side for once.
Big CatThe Cowboys don't need a rushing champion like Ezekiel Elliott to win a Super Bowl
Jerry Jones said, you don't have to have a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl. Everyone on the internet dunked on Jerry Jones... but I'm here to defend Jerry Jones. He's right. You do not need a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl in today's NFL.
The strategy for the Cowboys is simple: don't ruin the salary cap for a running back. Big Cat wants them to hold firm, but PFT knows exactly how this ends once the calendar hits August.
PFT CommenterJerry Jones will sign Ezekiel Elliott once he gets drunk enough in early August
I think Jerry Jones, no, I think he does have a plan. It's just get drunk before noon every day, and then at that point, everyone's got a plan until your liver gets punched in the face, and he will just change his mind. At some point during early August, Jerry Jones will get drunk enough that he'll say, fuck it, let's just sign him.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne
In a classic Hot Seat segment, the guys hit on everything from U.S. Soccer's financial transparency to the New York Mets’ perennial lack of a roadmap. Hank brought up the newly released audited finances for U.S. Soccer, which sparked a debate on how the internet only sees the facts it wants to see.
HankUS Soccer audited finances prove the women players earn more than the men
My hot seat is people who think U.S. soccer is sexist and doesn't pay the women enough. Because our good friend DR came out with a tweet today where he showed that the women – U.S. soccer responded for the first time ever with what shows that their independently audited finances that show that their women players actually earn more than the men.
Big Cat moved the Mets to the Cool Throne, arguing that their chaotic trade deadline moves are actually a sign that the franchise is operating in its purest, most plan-less form.
Big CatThe Mets' strategy of having no plan is the perfect plan for the franchise
I love when the Mets have no plan, but pretend they have a plan because that's what you can rely on. So when you look at it from afar, their plan's working perfectly. Their no plan plan is a perfect plan for the Mets.
Mt. Rushmore of Farm Animals with Tony Scheffler
Recurring guest and former NFL tight end Tony Scheffler joined the show from his cattle ranch in Michigan. Before getting into the animals, the guys had to remind Tony about the most viewed highlight of his career: getting high-lowed in a 2-on-1 basketball game against a fat Dave Portnoy and a skinny Big Cat. Tony claims the video ended his career with the Lions, which seems like a fair assessment.
When they finally got to the Mt. Rushmore of Farm Animals, the picks ranged from the "logical" to the "ecological." Tony went with the Goat at 1-1, citing domestic history and the fact that they are surprisingly good swimmers.
Tony SchefflerThe goat is the number one farm animal
I'm going to go with the goat... a lot of reasons. I'm thinking logically how much they eat, the reproduction, the price per pound coming from the farm. But the first domesticated animal on earth. And it is the goat. 1, 1. It's quite obvious.
PFT took a more environmental approach with his final pick, much to the confusion of the rest of the room.
PFT CommenterBees are the most important farm animals because they sustain the ecosystem
I'm going with bees. They're actually the most important animal that you can have. And when they're dying at an alarming rate, then all the other plants and animals in the ecosystem, they face a rapid decline in population once the bees are gone.
WWE Superstar Nikki Bella
Nikki Bella joined the show for a wide-ranging interview that covered everything from her retirement to the intricacies of twin dynamics. Despite being one of the most successful women in WWE history, she admitted that her most physically taxing experience didn't happen in a ring.
Nikki BellaDancing with the Stars is the hardest thing I've ever done, even more difficult than professional wrestling
The hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than wrestling? Yes. No. Yep... they were trying to like retrain my muscles, which my muscles were like, no... learning, you think 90 seconds or a minute... is like not a lot. It is so many steps. Then you're on live TV. Then you know, you're going to be judged.
The guys tried to get to the bottom of the "is it real?" question that haunts every wrestler. Nikki gave a great breakdown of the difference between the physical toll and the storytelling aspects of the business, noting that while the results are known, the pain certainly isn't.
Nikki BellaPro wrestling is real, but has predetermined finishes
I would say wrestling is real... We have predetermined finishes. And I like to say that we were like no different than the NBA... We're like a Broadway with body slams. You know, we're a form of entertainment that you can't get anywhere else.
Things got predictably weird when the topic shifted to twin theories. Big Cat, who has apparently been sitting on this take for decades, confronted Nikki with his belief that all identical twins have shared a smooch at some point. Nikki shut it down immediately, but the logic remains sound in Big Cat's head.
Big CatEvery pair of identical twins has kissed each other at some point
I have a theory that every twin, they kiss at some point. Because they're like, you look like me, I look like you. We're all kind of narcissistic. If I saw myself, I'd be like, give myself a little smooch.
We wrapped up with some Bachelorette talk for guys who don't watch the show and a quick Sports Biz minute. If you see Big Cat or PFT in a neck brace or a walking boot next week with no explanation, just know they are officially in their Big Ben era.
See you on Friday with Joe Harris.
