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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Jerry Jones will sign Ezekiel Elliott once he gets drunk enough in early August

I think Jerry Jones, no, I think he does have a plan. It's just get drunk before noon every day, and then at that point, everyone's got a plan until your liver gets punched in the face, and he will just change his mind. At some point during early August, Jerry Jones will get drunk enough that he'll say, fuck it, let's just sign him.

They did sign him, although the deal wasn't finalized until early September, slightly later than PFT's August timeline.

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Void
Jul 31, 2019
#11018
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James doesn't love his kids because he lets them play basketball instead of football

I would actually say that the worst thing that LeBron James is doing, the proof that he doesn't actually love his kids, is that they're playing basketball and not football. Like LeBron James should have been a football player to begin with. He's always kind of taking the coward's way out.

This is a purely subjective and satirical characterization of parental love.
Push
Jul 31, 2019
#11020
Big CatBig Cat

LeBron James' dunking in layup lines is hurting his son's team by risking technical fouls

We just kind of thought it was a little awkward that he was dunking in a layup line and that technically is a technical foul if we want to go by the letter of the rules so he's hurting his son's team by assessing a technical foul before the game even starts.

While it is technically a rule in many sanctioned leagues that dunking in pre-game warmups can result in a technical, it's rarely enforced at this level against a parent.
Win
Jul 31, 2019
#11023
Big CatBig Cat

The Cowboys don't need a rushing champion like Ezekiel Elliott to win a Super Bowl

Jerry Jones said, you don't have to have a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl. Everyone on the internet dunked on Jerry Jones... but I'm here to defend Jerry Jones. He's right. You do not need a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl in today's NFL.

History supports this; many recent Super Bowl winners have used mid-tier or committee-based backfields.

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Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chiefs' window never closed

I don't think we ever actually closed the Chiefs' window. I think Mahomes was just in bed because he was injured, far away from the window.

The Chiefs' long-term contention status is ultimately subjective, though their dynasty remained active at the time of the episode.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Mahomes will be back to himself by season's end

By the end of this season, Mahomes is gonna be back to being Mahomes.

Whether Mahomes returned to his established level by the end of the 2026 NFL season had not yet been resolved.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Oregon loss could turn Dan Lanning into a psychopath

I don't think that Dan Lanning has slept since that loss. I think Dan Lanning has turned into an absolute psycho because of this loss. He's sick. It actually might be a dangerous thing for the rest of the Big Ten that Oregon lost that game.

Whether the loss made Oregon more dangerous over the rest of the season is a future, testable team-performance claim.