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Win
Jul 31, 2019
#11027
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Jerry Jones will sign Ezekiel Elliott once he gets drunk enough in early August

I think Jerry Jones, no, I think he does have a plan. It's just get drunk before noon every day, and then at that point, everyone's got a plan until your liver gets punched in the face, and he will just change his mind. At some point during early August, Jerry Jones will get drunk enough that he'll say, fuck it, let's just sign him.

They did sign him, although the deal wasn't finalized until early September, slightly later than PFT's August timeline.

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Void
Jul 31, 2019
#11018
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James doesn't love his kids because he lets them play basketball instead of football

I would actually say that the worst thing that LeBron James is doing, the proof that he doesn't actually love his kids, is that they're playing basketball and not football. Like LeBron James should have been a football player to begin with. He's always kind of taking the coward's way out.

This is a purely subjective and satirical characterization of parental love.
Push
Jul 31, 2019
#11020
Big CatBig Cat

LeBron James' dunking in layup lines is hurting his son's team by risking technical fouls

We just kind of thought it was a little awkward that he was dunking in a layup line and that technically is a technical foul if we want to go by the letter of the rules so he's hurting his son's team by assessing a technical foul before the game even starts.

While it is technically a rule in many sanctioned leagues that dunking in pre-game warmups can result in a technical, it's rarely enforced at this level against a parent.
Win
Jul 31, 2019
#11023
Big CatBig Cat

The Cowboys don't need a rushing champion like Ezekiel Elliott to win a Super Bowl

Jerry Jones said, you don't have to have a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl. Everyone on the internet dunked on Jerry Jones... but I'm here to defend Jerry Jones. He's right. You do not need a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl in today's NFL.

History supports this; many recent Super Bowl winners have used mid-tier or committee-based backfields.

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Win
May 18, 2026
#30513
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

The Pistons did indeed improve from 14 wins in 2023-24 to a high seed in 2026, making the trajectory claim historically accurate within the show's timeline.
Open
May 18, 2026
#30516
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

The 2026 Stanley Cup winner is pending. If Montreal wins, we await PFT's French naturalization.
Void
May 18, 2026
#30529
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.