LeBron James is joining a terrible Lakers team as it is currently constructed

LeBron's going to the Lakers with a terrible team as currently constructed. Magic Johnson did something good with getting LeBron and then immediately followed it up with the weirdest... They got Rondo, they got Lance Stephenson, they got JaVale McGee. They basically just got a bunch of people that don't fit with LeBron whatsoever.

Kobe Bryant secretly hates that LeBron James joined the Lakers

LeBron's going to be a Laker and now Kobe is silently stewing and he's going to pretend to like this, but you know he hates it.

LeBron James will not make the Finals with the Lakers this year

I'm psyched for LeBron to be a Laker. It does throw into jeopardy his attempt at getting 10 Finals losses because he's not going to make the Finals.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.