Snakes, lizards, and ferrets are 'pre-crime' animals that shouldn't be trusted

As if we needed another animal to not trust. Yeah, the pre-crime animals. Ferrets and snakes and all that bullshit. A lizard usually, yeah.

Ben Roethlisberger is the last person who should be giving anyone etiquette advice on how to talk to women

You've got Ben Roethlisberger giving etiquette advice, saying you don't ask a woman her age. If there's anybody that knows how to talk to women, it's Ben Roethlisberger.

Checking the actual source of a quote instead of just reading a Twitter headline is the next level of sports journalism

I'm trying really hard to make sure that I actually look at things more than just the sentence I see on Twitter... I realized that I basically just jumped to every conclusion ever, and then I look like an idiot.

The Giants will make the playoffs

In the NFC I have ... the Rams. And then my wild card teams are the Seahawks, the Lions and Cowboys, the New York Giants.

The Bills will beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl

It is going to be the Buffalo Bills defeating the Philadelphia Eagles. ... Buffalo Bills over the Philadelphia Eagles.

Deshaun Watson will get even worse

I think Deshaun Watson's gonna get worse. I think he's gonna get even worse. I think it's gonna be comically bad.