Any twins who share a Twitter account have definitely kissed each other on the lips

Now, you know my theory that all twins at some point have kissed each other on the lips, like not in a brother-brother, sister-sister way. If you share a Twitter account, I think it's basically decided that that has happened, correct?

'Out of pocket' is the worst office buzzword because nobody knows what it actually means

Number one, I cannot stand when people say out of pocket. I don't even know what that means... See, this is the worst buzzword because no one even knows what it means. So when you say out of pocket, you're an asshole for this. It could also go on the Mount Rushmore of excuses. I'm out of pocket. And then when someone says, I thought you were out of pocket, you had your phone on you, said, no, I'm out of pocket. I don't have my phone. I don't have anything. I'm out of pocket.

Synergy is the best filler word for office life and will lead to promotions

When you're in the office, use synergy as a filler word. You'll probably get promoted four times before Christmas.

The overturning of Folarin Balogun's suspension is the smallest piece of justice the United States has ever received from FIFA

The United States has never benefited from FIFA's corruption before, and it feels like we've been left out of that party. If this is our taste of the corruption, and all the corruption is just overturning a suspension that should never have been given in the first place... it's the smallest piece of justice that the United States could ever get from FIFA.

The sensor chips inside soccer balls are bullshit and not perfectly aligned with the cameras

I'm so deep into this chip in the ball thing, I've become convinced that it's all bullshit. The sensors, yes, they're there and yes, they pick up on stuff, but there's no chance that it is perfectly aligned with the 50 cameras that are running concurrently in the stadium on live TV at any given time.

Brandon Aiyuk is in a bad space mentally and will not be signing with the Washington Commanders.

The Washington Commanders have released Brandon [Aiyuk] today from the contract that he didn't sign with us and was never going to sign. Things got kind of weird over the weekend. So [Aiyuk] was saying like talking shit about Jayden's mom... I think that should probably put an end to the Brandon [Aiyuk] to the Commanders rumors. But I was never really on board for it, it's been weird for quite some time with Brandon. I hope he gets whatever help he needs. It doesn't seem like he's in a good space mentally. And it seems like even his best oldest friends have tried to help him and he just burns those bridges too.