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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I'm considering putting the 'Dunn' chain on the Carolina Panthers

I'm considering putting the Dunn chain on the Panthers. They don't have anywhere to go without Cam Newton.

The Panthers finished 5-11 and Cam Newton only played 2 games that season, effectively ending their competitive hopes as PFT suggested.

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Sep 16, 2019
#25887
Big CatBig Cat

The Falcons lead the league in fucking up in the red zone

The Falcons lead the league, and this is a stat I haven't looked up, but I'm just going to say it, lead the league in fucking up in the red zone. Every single Falcons game comes down to them fucking up in the red zone.

The Falcons finished 2019 ranked 25th in Red Zone TD percentage, supporting the general sentiment of the take.
Void
Sep 16, 2019
#25888
Big CatBig Cat

Bengals coach Zach Taylor has a sketchy vibe and doesn't pop on the sidelines

[Zach Taylor] is a tough guy to vibe out on because he looks like an assistant coach on the sidelines... I would go as far as to say he's got a sketchy vibe because you just don't know what he's doing. He shows up at a party and all your friends that are girls look at each other with side glances.

This is a subjective assessment of a person's personality and presence.
Win
Sep 16, 2019
#8749
Big CatBig Cat

Anthony Lynn is an idiot for going into a game without a healthy kicker

Anthony Lynn, you're a fucking idiot. Because Anthony Lynn went into this game without a kicker and had his punter kick field goals, and he missed them both.

The Chargers did indeed lose by 3 (13-10) and missed two field goals by punter Ty Long (39 and 41 yards).

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.