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Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Kyrie Irving is a method actor who has become stuck as the character Uncle Drew

I think he's a method actor. I think when he got into character as Uncle Drew, as like a baby boomer, now he hates all millennials around him. He's a character actor right now and he's still stuck. Andy Kaufman got stuck playing [characters], his mind got messed up. Can you imagine that, playing a character for so long that it starts to affect your brain and everything that you do?

The statement is a comedic metaphor rather than a literal psychiatric diagnosis.

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Loss
Mar 6, 2019
#10715
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James is tanking the Lakers' season to lure Kevin Durant to Los Angeles

The one thing I'm keeping an eye on here, I think LeBron might be tanking this season on purpose because KD is going to want to do the opposite thing that he did last time he was a free agent. He wants to go to perhaps the worst team in the league. Right now that looks like the Los Angeles Lakers because they just lost to the worst team in the league two nights ago. So I think that this is LeBron James setting up a long, long proposition here.

Durant signed with the Brooklyn Nets that summer.
Win
Mar 6, 2019
#10714
Big CatBig Cat

The Lakers are officially dead and will not make the playoffs

The Lakers, I'm done chaining them. They are five and a half games back with 18 games to play. They basically have to run the table. They have no chance. They have to run the table to sneak into that last spot. So this is going to be a total failure.

The Lakers finished 37-45 and missed the playoffs by 11 games.
Loss
Mar 6, 2019
#10716
HankHank

The Celtics can still beat the 76ers, Bucks, and Raptors in a playoff series

The thing with the Celtics and the thing with the Eastern Conference is that, yes, the Celtics are kind of a dumpster fire right now... but I could still see a situation where the Celtics could beat the Sixers, they could beat the Bucks, they could beat the Raptors. And all it takes is you need to win one series, and then it's like everything going forward.

The Celtics beat the Pacers in the first round but were dominantely eliminated 4-1 by the Bucks in the second round.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.