The Phoenix Suns are officially dead

The Suns are dead. I proclaimed it. The Suns are dead. They don't look like they have any life to him whatsoever. They look anemic. Bradley Beal looks pretty bad. No trade clauses, by the way, for Bradley Beal. So yeah, I think he's like the sixth highest player in the NBA. They're gonna be stuck with that for a little bit.

The Timberwolves are legit and much better defensively than the Phoenix Suns

The Timberwolves are good and they're deep. Their two stars [Towns and Edwards] did not play great and the Timberwolves still won easily because they're just so much better defensively. And the Suns play iso ball. It's terrible basketball to watch. I think the Timberwolves are really, really good.

Devin Booker is a worse player when he wears a headband

I also have a vibe stat for this game. And it has nothing—it's based on absolutely nothing... I don't think Devin Booker's good when he wears a headband. I just don't know why. I think maybe his head is too constricted. He wears a tight headband.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.