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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The premise of American football is simply to get drunk and beat the shit out of a stranger.

I love the British fans every year and the costumes... because they don't understand that the premise of American football is to just get drunk and beat the shit out of a stranger.

This is a satirical take on the cultural purpose of the sport.

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Sep 22, 2017
#7841
Big CatBig Cat

Thursday Night Football is where real football gets played.

I'm saying suck it because we have long said Thursday night football is where real football gets played. You might get the Bengals and the Texans scoring no touchdowns, but you also might get a Brian Hoyer and Jared Goff shootout.

This is an ironic brand position for the show.
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Sep 22, 2017
#7842
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

You are a fake fan if you don't watch Thursday Night Football because of a 'bad' matchup

If you're the kind of fan that doesn't watch Thursday Night Football because you've got work tomorrow morning or it's between two of the worst teams of the past 25 years or some other excuse like that, guess what? You're a fake fan. Fake. Fraud. Shame.

Win
Sep 22, 2017
#7843
Big CatBig Cat

Sean McVay is an elite coach who has turned Jared Goff into a monster

Sean McVay... I'll tell you what, that guy can fucking coach. Because he had play calls that were like, every now and then he'd sprinkle one play in and be like, whoa, that was really nicely designed. And what he's done with Jared Goff... Sean McVay has molded him into a monster.

Sean McVay became one of the best coaches in the NFL, winning a Super Bowl and consistently having top offenses. Goff flourished under him before being traded to Detroit.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.