Adults need a one-month seminar on how to be normal human beings to avoid 62-text-message-type behavior

We need like a one month seminar where people can just learn to be normal human beings, because... throw out just the dick pic, which is way out of bounds... but 62 text messages over, like, a couple months with no reply... dude, you need to learn just a tiny bit of shame.

Patrick Mahomes will pass the concussion protocol and play in the AFC Championship

I'm ready to say that I think that he [Mahomes] will pass the concussion protocol test at the end of the week.

The Bills vs. Chiefs AFC Championship game could easily be a blowout for either team

I said the Bills could blow out the Chiefs. I guess I should have just phrased it the lame way and been like, it's a coin flip game... I'm saying a blowout wouldn't surprise me either way... both these teams are so fucking good that if either shows up with their A-plus game, they will blow out the opponents.

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.