Takes

The Giants and Vikings are suffering from a 'regression monster' after last season

Yikes. But that's also kind of what we expected when it comes to the regression monster that is biting the Vikings and the Giants right now from last year's incredible runs.

If the Giants only have two wins going into November, they will be the best two-win team in the NFL

If they only have two wins going into November, I think the Giants will be the best two-win team in the entire NFL going into November.

The 49ers have already clinched a playoff berth after Week 3

The Niners have clinched a playoff berth. Congratulations to the San Francisco 49ers. That's huge.

The Patriots are drafting Caleb Williams with the first overall pick

Congratulations to the New England Patriots on drafting Caleb Williams with the first overall pick.

The Commanders are a Super Bowl team if they beat the Bills in Week 3

If they [Commanders] win this game, I'm almost thinking soupy [Super Bowl] Big Cat. That's how delusional I'm getting. Why not us?

Justin Fields' best effort likely won't be enough for the Bears to beat the Chiefs

I do think they're [Bears] gonna give their best effort, but unfortunately for them, their best effort's probably not gonna be enough [against the Chiefs].

The Bengals will 'right the ship' and beat the Rams in Week 3

I'm gonna take the Bengals minus three. I actually think this is the Bengals week to right the ship. I've been the Bengals whisperer... now's the time.

Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson

There's a chance that Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson... Sean Watson is very bad.

Deshaun Watson probably has a burner account on Twitter

He also might have created a burner account after the game... allegedly from Deshaun, I think it was called the Twitter account, was like Gainesville raised or something like that. All the tweets that he had were about Deshaun Watson replying to people... saying not his fault.

The Steelers will be a perfect Mike Tomlin team that goes .500 but misses the playoffs

It does feel like the Steelers are gonna just be a perfect Mike Tomlin team that they won't go under 500, but probably also won't make the playoffs.

Starting as a quarterback is easier than being a backup

I always found it easier as a starter. 'Cause at least you have the week going in, you know when the offense takes the field, you're going out there and and you're prepared to play 60 Minutes.

I would rather be the New England Patriots than the New York Jets right now

Would you rather be in the position of the New England Patriots right now as an organization, as a franchise or the New York Jets? [I say] Patriots. Why is that? Go on. Expound better organizational structure in general, but in terms of right direction. Wrong direction.

The Bengals fans were right to boo their team in the first half

The Bengals fans were booing the Bengals in the first half. Do we think that's a appropriate... I actually am in favor of the booing because it felt like it wasn't a boo 'you guys suck.' It was a boo 'be better.' There's a difference in the boo. They expect it was more like, we want you to, we know you're better than this boo.

The Ravens are one of the best teams in the entire league right now

The Ravens are one of the best teams in the entire league right now. So I I'm very much looking forward to seeing how they operate with an awesome passing offense.

Dan Campbell needs to be consistently aggressive instead of shriveling at the end of games

What the fuck was [Dan Campbell] doing at the end of the game when the Lions had the ball at the 50 with all three timeouts down three. And they basically were like, let's play for overtime. That didn't make any sense at all. If you're gonna be aggressive, be aggressive all the time. It's so frustrating when he doesn't do it at the end, when it probably makes the most sense to be aggressive.

Lions fans need to be more into the game than sexting about 'piss not squirt'

Lions fans. You gotta be more into the game. I'm gonna say it right now. That's bad fandom. You gotta be more into the game... His mind was not in the game. That's, you gotta be locked into the game. This is one of the biggest games the Lions have had... And your thought is not like, 'Ooh, how are we gonna convert this third down?' It's, 'Hey, just send me a video you pissing.'

Brandon Staley has turned from a 'nerd' coach into a 'pussy' coach

Brandon Staley is getting fired. Brandon Staley is not a nerd anymore. and I mean that in a, in a bad way. I liked it when he was a nerd. I liked it when Brandon Staley was going for Fourth Downs when it was like fourth and five doing crazy shit left and right now he's playing like a P word... He's a pussy. He's turned from a nerd into a pussy.

The Falcons are a playoff team

The Falcons are gonna the playoffs. I think so. I'm gonna say it right now... I think the Falcons could be like a nine win team. They have the Texans and the Cardinals. So those are, those are nice two wins.

Justin Fields is not the guy and the era is officially over

It's over. It's over... The Justin Fields era. It's over. He's not the guy. It, it's, it's bad. He, It's probably the most disheartening, heartbreaking realization to be like, I put all my blind faith into this... I now officially think it's over. He doesn't seem like he's seeing the field well. I know the offensive line sucks, but again, it's Justin Fields. Like he has not made any of the steps forward that you wanted as a passer.

If the Bears have the #1 pick, they must take Caleb Williams

If they have the number one pick, you have to take Caleb Williams. Yeah. That's, I I don't care how the rest of the season goes. You just have to because, but then the world should get mad at the Bears for taking Caleb Williams and probably ruining, robbing the world of Caleb Williams.

Sam Howell is good enough to win 10 games this season

I think Sam Howell is good enough to win 10 games this season. Yeah. I, with the rest of that defense. I think the Commanders are a, you know, you could, you could make the argument... they came back from 21 to three. Like that's t you have to have something to be able to do that.

The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl

My overly direct take is the Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl.

The Tennessee Titans are gonna win the AFC South

My overly direct take is the Tennessee Titans are gonna win the AFC South.

The Cardinals are going to win at least five games this season

The Cardinals are going to win at least five games. Five games. They've been competitive in both of these games.

Budda Baker will be an Eagle by the end of the week

Budda Baker will be an eagle by the end of the week... he practiced all week and then today he was a late add to the injury report and inactive for the game. Okay. You know, they don't want to get him hurt before a deal's coming. Eagles cleared two guys off of their practice squad to make room for potentially bringing somebody else in.

Micah Parsons is going to win NFL MVP

Micah Parsons winning M V P. Mika Parsons winning m v P... Lawrence Taylor was the last time that happened... It's not crazy.

The Minnesota Vikings are my 2023 pinky team and they won't win the Super Bowl

The Minnesota Vikings are my pinky team. It's official. They are not winning the season. I can't believe we got an early drop. Nowhere, nowhere close. They're 0-2 and I actually thought Kirk Cousins played okay tonight.

Justin Jefferson is currently the best wide receiver in the NFL

And also Justin Jefferson kind of has a case. He's the best receiver of the football right now. It would be nice if he won some games. It would suck to be that much better than everyone else and be like, why are we 0-2?

The Buffalo Bills must win convincingly against the Raiders to get their swagger back

It feels like the Bills have to win this game and they have to win it convincingly to get their swagger back a little bit. It does feel like it's kind of, I don't want to sound the alarm so bad, but the bills just, they need to win. They need to win this game and they need to do it well and they need to win by a lot.

The Bears vs. Bucs game is the biggest in Bears franchise history

I was premature. The Bears going to Tampa Bay is the biggest game in Bears franchise history. I'll just say that right now. I was a week early on my prediction of biggest game in Bears franchise history. This is a must win.

Designated runs for Justin Fields would open up the entire Bears offense

I speak on behalf of America and probably all Bears fans. When I say let Justin Fields run the ball. Let him everything, put in some design runs for him. Let him stretch the defense out. Let them let the defense get uncomfortable and try to figure out where he's gonna go. And then the passing game opens up when you do that.

The Commanders defensive line is better than the Eagles defensive line

The commanders, I think, have a better defensive line than even the Philadelphia Eagles do. Rivera's gonna be on the war path and it's gonna be nice and I think the commanders in that defensive line, which is the best in the NFL across, across all divisions.

The Cardinals defense is sneaky good and they are coached to be a dirty team

I still think that their defense is gonna be pretty good. No, I'm saying that because if you watch the X videos and the Twitter chrome on it Max that defense was headhunting. They, they, they were coached that way. I'm telling you, watch the Cardinals this week. Tell me that they don't take like sneaky violent shots. They're, they're a dirty team.

The unluckiness of the New York Jets is unrivaled in professional sports

The power of the unluckiness of the New York Jets is unrivaled in professional sports. I feel bad for Mike Greenberg... but if I'm in the trust tree, it was also kind of funny... that they had six months where it's like we finally solved our quarterback situation... and then four plays in, it's like, well, we're fucked again.

Josh Allen is still a much better quarterback than Dak Prescott

As far as I'm concerned, Josh Allen's still much better quarterback than Dak Prescott. Dak had a better week one. Yes... but you saw something different [last night].

The Seahawks' secondary is extremely dangerous and overlooked

Seattle Seahawks, if they can get a pass rush generated, I think they're gonna be pretty good. Their secondary is bananas, bro. I'm talking about Their secondary is very dangerous. Woolen is, he's not getting a lot of credit. But that young man... I think he's gonna lock down some receivers this year.

The Panthers will win more than four games this year

They'll win more than four games... I think they could sneak in [to the playoffs]. I don't think it's a fluke. If the Panthers win more than four games... I want some joggers or something.

Calvin Ridley is on a mission and is going to 'ball' this year

Calvin Ridley is going ball. That's a man on a mission. And some corners are gonna have to deal with that man being on a mission.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.

The Commanders' defensive line is right up there with the Jets as the best in the league

The D is legit in DC. So, so legit. It's, we have an awesome defense. I'm not gonna apologize again for beating the Cardinals. Our defensive line is fucking awesome. We're probably amongst the best in the league. I would put us right up there with the New York Jets is having the best defensive line.

The Commanders will win 9 to 11 games if Sam Howell stays average

Sam Howell did enough. Sam Howell, he played just good enough to not lose. And I think if he can be average, if Sam can stay average, we should win like nine, 10, maybe 11 games this year.

The Bengals will still be there at the end of the year despite their slow start

I fully expect the Bengals to be there at the end of the year. It's just ex like, I also expected this to be a slow start for them. And they played about as bad as you can play.

The 49ers have the best roster in professional football

When you watch the 49ers play defense, and when they're humming they are so violent and so fast. Everything like every hole is just, is completely stuffed in a second. They're flying around. It just was a nice reminder like, oh yeah, the 49ers when they have a quarterback who can actually, who has an arm and I'm talking about literally an arm because Brock Purdy didn't have won the NFC championship game. They're the best roster in, in pro football.

Brock Purdy is a good quarterback on any team, not just the 49ers

I I I'm upgrading my Brock Purdy take from not just being good on the 49ers to just being a good quarterback. Yeah. I think he'd be, I think he'd be okay on any team. He wouldn't be as good obviously as he is on the Niners. 'cause he fits that system perfectly and it's a very quarterback friendly system. But I think he's just a good quarterback.

The Steelers will be a nine and eight team because Mike Tomlin finds a way

I still think the Steelers will be a decent team. They just played a really fucking good team. I think they'll be like seven and 10. No, it's Mike Tomlin so they'll be so correct that to nine and eight. 'cause they'll find a way.

I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields

I would like to walk back a take. Permission to walk back a take. I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields. I'd just like to start with, listen, I had a lot of kidney stones for the last couple years and I finally pissed the last one out last night. So, it was probably the Stones talking last year. Now that I'm kidney stone free and I'm thinking clearly, I will now admit, I think, I think Trevor Lawrence is pretty damn good.

The Jaguars might schedule their way to a Super Bowl

And the Jags, Pete Prisco might just be right. They might just schedule their way to a look at the schedule, to the Super Bowl. Look at the schedule. Their, their, their defense is not that good. And they're offensive, but Josh, Josh Allen, I think Josh Allen had three sacks there.

The Dolphins vs. Chargers game was the greatest Week 1 game of all time

This is the greatest week, week game ever. This this was the greatest week one game of all time. By far. Dolphins 36. Chargers 34 Tua. All the Tua haters out there. T Anon expect us 466 yards, three touchdowns.

The single-game passing record will be broken this year

Norm Van Brocklin threw for 554 yards in 1951. That record. What a beast we need. We need to break that record. It's insane that it hasn't been broken yet. I'll throw a Pizza party. Yeah. For whatever quarterback breaks that record this year.