Takes

The Detroit Lions are officially a good football team

Lions 20, Jets 17. The Lions are good. The Lions are good. They're winning games all types of ways. They've covered six straight games for the first time since the Super Bowl was invented. They are a fun team.

The 2022 Texans are the best 1-win/loss team in NFL history

Should we start the conversation, are the Texans the best one win loss team of all time? I think the Texans without question are the best one 12 and one team, that's a fact, of all time. They play competitive football and they lose and they do a great job of losing.

Sam Darnold and Mike White are on the same talent tier

I would say Mike White and Sam Darnold are on the same sort of echelon. Mike White, Sam Darnold, then a big drop off to Zachary [Wilson].

The Chargers will finish the season 11-6

Uhoh, the Chargers are back. Chargers go 11-6. They're gonna go 11 and 6. Nine, 10, 11. They're gonna go 11 and 6.

No quarterback has been screwed over more than Mac Jones this year

I actually think in a wild twist of fate, last year was all about Mac Jones being in the perfect setting. I don't think there's been a quarterback who's been screwed over more than Mac Jones this year. He's been fucked.

The Buccaneers will beat the Cowboys in the first round of the playoffs

If they play against the Cowboys, then yes, bet on the Bucs. They're gonna beat the Cowboys in the playoffs. It would be the perfect Mike McCarthy giant collapse.

The NFL is rigged to screw over owners like Robert Kraft and Dan Snyder

The NFL is rigged. I'm boycotting the NFL. Clear as day, the NFL is a rigged league. That's why they classify it as entertainment and not as a sport, so they can fake all of it. There's a script. The NFL is out to screw over owners that he doesn't like, like the Patriots, like Mr. Kraft, like Mr. Snyder in DC.

Brock Purdy walked into the best situation a low-drafted quarterback could ever have

I don't think there's a better situation that a Mr irrelevant low drafted quarterback could ever walk into than not only Kyle Shanahan, but this specific 49ers team that just has so much talent everywhere. Like their defense is great. Their running game is great. He's not really getting hit that much.

The Seahawks are running out of gas because they lack top-end talent

It feels like they're just running outta gas in terms of talent. Their defense getting gashed on the, like last week the Panthers had 240 yards tonight. The Niners ran for five yards of carry. It just, it feels like it's getting to the end here where, where like the fact they don't have a ton of top end talent is hurting them.

You cannot stop the run if you are wearing the Seahawks' lime green jerseys

I hope you're saying what I'm gonna think thinking, but you cannot stop the run if you're wearing those jerseys. Well, and you also have to go full lime green... Even if you do commit to it, I still think that you're gonna get gashed on the ground. If you're wearing those jerseys, you might, like, if you go full lime green, you're gonna be able to pin your ears back and get a few sacks on the board. But it does, it seems like that those are jerseys that'll just get run on.

The Eagles will whomp the Bears

My favorite favorite is the Philadelphia Eagles. Ooh. Against the Bears. Yeah. This gonna be a whomping. I think it's gonna be a Whomping. Their minus nine. But you know, they've proven themselves... The bears are, are and rightfully show as they should be. Like they're tanking. Like they don't wanna win. They don't want to fight.

I'm betting the Bills -7 over the Dolphins because Tua Tagovailoa can't play in the cold

I had no idea they went to seven, Tua has played 63 games in college and pro and never started a game that's been under 36 degrees. Yep... He's not a cold weather guy... This is going to be a big time fish outta water studio. Yes. And he also, he started three games with the temperatures under 50 degrees. Oh three straight up and against the spread... Bill's my seven, my pick.

Zach Wilson has been working on his fundamentals and he might be back

I do think Mike White's gonna get the wind though. Big time with Zach Wilson being QB two now. I know. So there's a little fire underneath him... And he's been working on his fundamentals.

Weather is not real and the Bills vs. Dolphins game will go over the total

Hank weather isn't real. Also over 44... This is going way over. I'm a big believer in, it's one thing I know... Saturday night. Great game weather doesn't matter. This is going way over.

Max Crosby is the best defensive player in the NFL right now

Max Crosby's the best defensive player in his league. Now I talked to Nick Bosa last week... I go, he plays every single play Nick... nobody plays a game like Max Crosby right now. He plays every snap. Nobody can block him. The run game. Nobody makes more tackles from the defensive end position than Max.

The Detroit Lions are a dangerous team that could outscore anyone in the playoffs

Detroit is dangerous. Yeah. They're just dangerous. They just are. Jared Goff has been to a Super Bowl... Jameson Williams is a come like, he's just a speeding comment. Like if you add him, like their defense got a lot of good young players... I feel like they could outscore teams. Cause their is really good.

Jalen Hurts is the runaway NFL MVP

Jaylen Hertz is the mvp. He's the runaway MVP from me. Like he doesn't, you can't get the guy to make a mistake. And the guy's decision making has been flawless. Now, it might change against the 49ers, the Christmas Eve against the Cowboys. Maybe teams can do that, but man, they're so, they're so solid everywhere.

The Patriots are officially the best bad team in the NFL

I can officially say the Patriots are the best bad team in the NFL. They made that pretty clear over the last few weeks. They're a very good, bad team. Their offense still sucks ass.

Mac Jones is a victim of coaching malpractice by Joe Judge and Matt Patricia

Mack Jones again, I think that Mack Jones like has a full on case for QB malpractice to have Joe Judge and, and Matt Patricia. Those two dumb fucks being his OC. Like I would be pissed if I were him, if I were his agent, I'd be like, you guys fucked him up.

One of only six 'very good' teams will win the Super Bowl this year

I really do think there are six teams that are very, very good and we talked about it on Sunday, but like those six teams will produce the Super Bowl winner. Yeah. I'm, I'm confident we put our life on it.

The Dolphins are a 'candy ass' team because they used heaters in 55-degree weather

I'm going to guess that's not great for them having to go to Buffalo on Saturday night. You shouldn't smoke during NFL games... I would say that that's the sign of a candy ass team heaters for 55 degree weather. And just so we remind everyone when the dolphins are like decent and they go to a cold weather city at the end of the season, there are no, there is no uniform combo that is more candy ass than what they have.

Big Ben is poorly suited to play for the 49ers compared to every other quarterback

I think that you could name a quarterback in the NFL right now and they're probably better suited for the 49ers than Big Ben. Yes. Doesn't matter who you are. Right. No, that doesn't mean I wouldn't watch it. No. If he played I'd watch every second.

The Detroit Lions are legitimately rolling and aren't the 'Same Old Lions' anymore

I would say right now, yeah man. I mean we're, we are rolling right now. We got that little lightning in a bottle and man, I said it a couple weeks ago after the Thanksgiving loss actually. They're like, man, this isn't the same old team right now. And my, my DMs got lit up about that. People were sick about me saying that. They're like, oh, you're full of shit. You don't know. But I'm like, man, like we're, we're different man. We're rolling.

Jared Goff is playing with elite pocket presence and confidence

From a big guy's perspective looking at it over like the past six weeks, his pocket presence and his confidence in the pocket to just sit in there and trust the protection has been like really, really good. And if we know where he is at, we can block for him. We're a talented enough group and then he's just making those plays man.

I played an entire month of the 2020 season with appendicitis and didn't tell anyone

I woke up in the middle of the night sweating, shivering, my stomach hurts so bad... I can't tell anybody about this. I just signed a contract extension, like I have to play... Played in the game on Sunday and then I told the team Wednesday... they're like, oh yeah, you have appendicitis. Like you, you've had it for a week... I basically had appendicitis for the first month of the season and the antibiotics made it go away.

My hand size is between 10.25 and 10.5 inches

I, I do, I do know I have big hands. I think it's anywhere between 10 and a quarter and 10 and a half... [PFT measures]: 10 and a half. They're huge. Whoa. They're huge.

The Lions are currently the third best team in the NFC

I'm be, I'm joking a little bit when I say that they're the best team in the nfc, they're probably, they're probably number three right now in terms of how they're playing. Yeah. It's probably the Eagles, the 49ers and then the Lions are actually that good.

The Zack Wilson experiment in New York is officially over

I think the Zack Wilson experiments is pretty much... Done. Yeah, done. Yeah. No, it's done. I have a Mike White Jersey coming in the mail. I'm now going to be... onto a new guy.

Jalen Hurts is the frontrunner for NFL MVP

Jalen Hurts is probably gonna win the mvp. But he, and it's a credit to him because he basically just says, I'm giving my guys a chance because I know they'll make plays for me. ... It feels like Jalen Hurts is the front runner for the mvp.

It might be time for the Steelers to move on from Mike Tomlin

The story of this game, besides Mitch being bad, the Steelers defense has reverted to not being that great... it might be time for Mike Tomlin. Like people are saying that it's very similar to the end of Andy Reid in Philadelphia where it's, he's not a bad coach. He's actually a very good coach. It's just been a very long time and it might be time for a change.

Trevor Lawrence has officially arrived as a franchise quarterback

Trevor Lawrence, can we say it has officially arrived? ... I am firmly in the Trevor Lawrence is your franchise quarterback. Yeah. Like I'm, I'm set with that. He's no longer a bust. I've seen enough. If you can do the right things, I'm now in the Jaguars can fail Trevor Lawrence. Trevor Lawrence can't fail the Jaguars territory.

There is a 20% chance the Jaguars make the playoffs

The nerd that's on NBC put it at a 14% chance the Jaguars can make the playoffs. ... I told our good friend Uncle Chaps, I'm saying 20% chance. ... If the Jaguars can beat either the Cowboys or the Jets in the next two weeks, I think they can make the playoffs.

I would commit wire fraud or several felonies to have Patrick Mahomes as my quarterback

I would commit several felonies to have Patrick Mahomes as my quarterback. Yeah, I was thinking about that. Like, if you could reverse time and go back and, and make a deal with the devil... I think I would, I would steal a car. I would commit wire fraud. I would act, I would actually steal candy from a baby. I I to get Patrick Mahomes as my, like, to be a Chiefs fan.

I would give up six toes for Patrick Mahomes

I do a weekly hit with, with Waddle and Sylvia in Chicago and they asked me, I think it was like maybe a year or two ago. How many toes? Six. Yeah. Three and three. Yeah. Three on one foot foot, three on the others. Easily six toes. I'd give up for Patrick Mahomes.

The Seahawks will miss the playoffs because they lost the 'dead dog game'

The team's got no heart. Fuck. I I'm out on the Seahawks after this. Yeah. Well there, you know what, this is the curse of turf. They, I'm telling you like, they're not gonna make the playoffs because they lost the dead dog game.

Brock Purdy is a better quarterback than Tom Brady right now

Brock, I be honest with you, if you, if you were to take one quarterback right now for the rest of the season, if you were putting together like a stretch run. Yeah. Would you rather have Brock Purdy or Tom Brady right now? ... he is way better than Tom Brady right now. Well, he, Tom Brady stinks right now.

The Super Bowl winner will definitively come from this group of six teams: Chiefs, Bills, Bengals, 49ers, Eagles, or Cowboys

Would you put your life on the line on one of the, or two of these six teams making the Super Bowl, Kansas City Chiefs, the Buffalo Bills, Cincinnati Bengals, San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas Cowboys. It feels like we're at the point in the season... that those six teams we're gonna get our Super Bowl out of those six teams.

Tom Brady has more Super Bowls than all other current playoff quarterbacks combined

Fact of fiction. He's got more Super Bowls than all the other quarterbacks named mine. ... I think making the playoffs is a pretty good indicator of being good.

Baker Mayfield wears a padded headband so he can headbutt teammates without getting hurt

Baker Mayfield wears his little headband. Yeah. I think there's padding in it. So he keeps doing the headbutt thing and everyone's like, holy shit, what a psycho. He's like, no, I'm good. I noticed that after the game, and he was being very aggressive with his headbutts, but he was making sure to line it up right on the headband.

The 2022 season is actually Sean McVay's best coaching job ever

Actually the 2022 season was [Sean McVay's] best job as a head coach... they literally have lost their entire team and the season is lost and it's the worst Super Bowl defense ever statistically. But the fact that even the last three games, how the Rams have fought... they're fighting. I might give him my vote for Coach of the Year.

Derek Carr's confidence is like a balloon that pops as soon as anything goes wrong

Right when [Derek Carr] starts to really get his mojo going, if he does something to interfere with that confidence, then it's like a balloon that gets popped for the rest of the game and then he's just, you can't use him. He always looks super sympathetic... and people just look at him and it looks, he looks like a guy that's honestly locked himself in his room for 12 hours, listened to the Cure to get ready for the game.

The Minnesota Vikings are absolute frauds

I'll tell you why. Billy, let me take you to school real quick. You wanna hear some cold hard facts? Out of every single team to ever be 10 and 2 since the 1970 merger... the Vikings are by far and dead last for point differential. Their point differential is three times smaller than the second worst team. The Vikings, they're frauds.

Removing ping pong tables from the locker room makes the Bengals a lock to beat the Browns

This is a ping pong table game for Cincinnati. No distractions. I'm a big believer in ping pong tables. If you, it doesn't matter if you put the ping pong tables into the locker room or if you take them out of the locker room, if you're moving a ping pong table around that week, I will bet on your team.

The Buccaneers will cover against the 49ers because Tom Brady is an underdog to Brock Purdy

I'm taking the Buccaneers plus three and a half against the 49ers. Obviously we broke down this game earlier, but if you look at it from a basic perspective, Tom Brady's an underdog against Brock Purdy. That's the only reason I'm doing it. Purdy verse Tom Brady and he's a favorite by more than a field goal. So stupid.

The Chargers are the worst tackling team in the NFL

I think the Chargers might be the worst tackling team in the NFL. They just don't tackle. I feel like every Chargers game you'll just watch guys just running around like broken plays. Guys not being able to get tackled.

The Dallas Cowboys might actually win the Super Bowl this year

By the way, are the Cowboys gonna win the Super Bowl? I think that the Dallas Cowboys might win the Super Bowl. I think Jerry Jones is ready to die. I honestly think that he's like making no chance. He wants to live forever. He is ready to die and I'm telling you, I think he might will this team to win a Super Bowl so that he can finally just pass away.

Tom Brady will never die

Tom Brady will never die. ... Even when he got the ball back again down seven or down six, you knew he was gonna win the game.

The Raiders still have a non-zero chance to make the playoffs

The Las Vegas Raiders are five and seven. I didn't realize that they've won three in a row. ... There's not a 0% chance they're not gonna make the playoffs anymore.

Matthew Stafford might be done for his career due to his spinal cord injury

I also think that, I think Stafford might be done. He might be done done for his career. ... whatever injury he's suffered the way that they've been handling it has been really like hush hush.

I'm buying Baker Mayfield with the Rams

I actually, I like this for Baker. This, this went about as good as he could have hoped for. ... I'm buying Baker Mayfield.