Takes

Jacoby Brissett might actually be a legitimate starting quarterback

I think Jacoby Brissett might be a guy. I just think Jacoby Brissett deserves credit because he's playing great football and he's been put in a situation that's probably not ideal knowing that like you're playing for your own job for your own future, but you also know that this isn't your team.

Replacing Mitchell Trubisky with Kenny Pickett won't solve the Steelers' problems

I don't think that the problems that they have to solve can be solved by going to Kenny Pickett. In fact, I think it would just kind of screw with Kenny Pickett a little bit because the team, they put him in an obviously flawed team.

A Browns Super Bowl win with Deshaun Watson would be the most hated of all time

What if the Browns go to the Super Bowl and Deshaun Watson is the quarterback... America hates this shit out of them. It should be their moment, their crowning moment of like this team has never won a Super Bowl... and you win the most hateable Super Bowl of all time.

The Bengals are a lock as my 'Game of the Month' against the Jets

Bengals minus five. It's my game of the month on the Jets. I'm terrified of how much I love the Bengals. It is like a panic button game if they lose this game... they have to win this game.

Kyler Murray looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone

The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.

Betting the under on NFL prime-time games is a proven winning strategy

My under I'm gonna do the Broncos Niners under 44 and a half. Tommy gave us a stat. It was something like the last 45 prime time games, it's 30 and 15 to the under. And I was like, oh, that's why I lose all my money. So I'm done. I'm gonna try to ride the wave now.

The Raiders and Derek Carr are on different pages regarding 'how to win'

I think we might have a little bit of Josh McDaniels and Derek Carr on different pages watch... Josh McDaniels says 'you can't win until you learn how not to lose.' But now Derek Carr last week said 'we have to learn how to win.' It feels like they're on different pages. It's a red flag.

Justin Tucker will be the greatest kicker ever if he continues his current path

If [Tucker] continues on this path, he'll be the greatest ever. I hate to say that cause I was pretty good, but... I think Justin Tucker is kicking around 90 like for his career. 92%? That's an insane number.

The NFL will eventually see a 70-yard field goal in a game

We're gonna see a 70 yard field goal. I think I feel like I set that two or three years ago... The 60 yard is like the new 50 and the 70 yards gonna be like the new 60. I want to see it too. I mean, I want to see it too. It's like a walk off would be badass.

The Bills and Eagles will play in the Super Bowl

I don't wanna overreact PFT, but the bills and Eagles are playing in the super bowl.

I am officially done believing in Kirk Cousins

I've been fooled by Kirk cousins for the last time, for the last time. That was the last time that he's gonna fool me for the last time last night.

I bet an Eagles vs. Bills Super Bowl matchup

I watched the games last night, right after put in a bet. Barstool sports book plus 1850 Eagles bills. Super bowl. Anything less is an object... I don't know how either of these teams don't make the super bowl.

The Vikings are a bad sports town for not retiring Randy Moss's number

Minnesota, what the fuck are you doing? Not retiring Randy Moss's number... The fact that you have someone a, a tight end wearing 84, Randy Moss's number. I don't wanna say it Hank, but bad sports town. That's a bad sports town move to not retire one of the greatest wide receivers of all time.

Frank Reich is officially on the hot seat and could be the first coach fired

I think Frank Reich is officially on the hot seat... nothing tells you that more than the quotes that he had after the game... I don't know what—I do think Frank Reich is now up there for coach to be fired first.

The Bears should run the triple option because nobody can defend it in pro football

The Bears should run the triple option. People would not be able to defend the triple option... you can't tell me that teams would want to play the triple option in pro football.

The Giants are a borderline playoff team if they get a few bounces

I'm a believer in the Giants with a couple bounces here and there being like a borderline playoff [team]. They can be feisty.

The Dolphins aren't built to win in the cold and will struggle once the weather turns

I'm going to start buying into the whole storyline of this team [Dolphins] isn't built to win in the playoffs once the weather turns cold... I can't wait until they break out like the candy ass Aqua uniforms and you've got people actually doing that take of like, I don't think that the Dolphins can win in wintertime.

The Browns should fire 'Brownie the Elf' as their midfield logo for the bad vibes

You gotta change Brownie the Elf. They tried putting Brownie the Elf at midfield. Brownie the Elf is 0 and 1. Sometimes you gotta know when to cut your losses... Scapegoat Brownie the Elf as your midfield logo and be like, 'we're going back to the helmet'.

The 49ers are now Super Bowl contenders again because Jimmy Garoppolo is back

I didn't know what Trey Lance was going to be... I do think that like, Niners, I now put them back into the contender territory because I know what Jimmy G is.

The Giants will go 3-0 after beating the Cowboys next week

I think the Giants will go 3 and 0 [by beating the Cowboys].

Mac Jones is the worst kind of quarterback to have because he is just good enough to keep you wondering if he's 'the guy'

The problem with the guy that flashes 'the guy' is, he's not 'the guy'. I'd rather have a guy that does not flash ever... the ball test is not going to be friendly to Mac Jones in year three. It's going to be bad.

The Texans will win five games this year

I think they're [Texans] going to win five games this year.

Justin Herbert is to blame for the pick-six because he should have known Gerald Everett was gassed

I'm gonna blame Justin Herbert for that pick-six and not [Gerald] Everett, because he should have known that Everett was tired and asking out of the game and he should have gone to somebody else. If Justin Herbert's the guy that he's supposed to be... then he needs to be able to make the decision to go somewhere else with that ball and not to your receiver who's puking all over himself.

Brandon Staley has 'blue-pilled' himself into becoming a conservative coach

It's almost like Brandon Staley flew too close to the sun last year. And you know how in the Matrix you get red-pilled or you get blue-pilled? ...Brandon Staley blue-pilled himself and he's going back to being just like a normal conservative coach. Punting on fourth and short, fourth and third. I don't like that. I like Brandon Staley a little crazy.

I'm taking the Broncos -10 over the Texans because of the altitude advantage

Denver Broncos minus 10 makes no sense to me and therefore I'm gonna take it. The Broncos lost in September at home... they're covering machines because of the altitude and the heat... that combo is a killer.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

The Commanders have a top three receiving core in the NFL

I think about the Commanders... I think they have a top three receiving core in the NFL. I think it's like, it's that fucking good.

Andrew Luck was a 'busted chaw' and is an overrated quarterback

Andrew luck busted chaw, badge for town. Okay. Fact game over and debate. I've had people fucking bitching and complaining... Andrew luck was great? Even though he was four and four in the playoffs. And then they're like, oh, it was offensive line. They had a great offensive line and he quit.

Seahawks fans will eventually cheer Russell Wilson in a few years once the rawness of his departure fades

I think if this game took place at any point, other than this year and especially week one, it might be a little different. So if Russell Wilson plays for eight more years and he comes back to Seattle at the end of his career, I think they will cheer him. I think it's just so raw... The rawness of it, the fact that it was week one, I think that if it happens... eight years from now or say, let's even say Russ goes somewhere else... I think they might be a little bit more receptive to 'em and be like, Hey, that was cool when you won us a Super Bowl.

Russell Wilson's former Seahawks teammates are relieved he is gone because he was annoying to be around

I've gotta take about the Seahawks. It's about the players themselves. Not having Russ Wilson around anymore. I think they're kind of relieved. Oh dude. I think that it's like a weight off their shoulders. Not having to worry about like plugging Russ in, in the locker room, making sure that his software's up to date... He made the team competitive for 10 years. And to a certain extent, you have to pretend to like a guy like that when he's in the locker room... once a guy like that leaves the weight off your shoulders is just enormous. Now you're like, oh shit, Geno Smith is a normal person.

Nathaniel Hackett's end-of-game failure happened because he has never played Madden

This is just a rookie head coach doing rookie head coach, I think. And if he'd played enough Madden in the past, he would understand exactly how to handle that end of game situation. This is a problem with too many, too many teams are hiring offensive defensive coordinators that have spent their lives on the sidelines... but have never picked up a fucking controller in their lives and played Madden. Right. If they play Madden, they know exactly how to handle the end of game experience.

I have zero regrets about writing off Geno Smith before his breakout Week 1 performance

I was okay writing Geno Smith off. I have, I, I think that was, I, I don't have regrets of writing off the guy who was 13 and 21 as a starter going into this game. The guy who got punched in the face by a defensive player on his team, on the jets, because he refused to pay him $600... I was comfortable writing Geno Smith off. I was cover machine though. He is, he is... I am fully comfortable being right off Geno Smith territory.

Jerry Jones secretly likes it when his starting quarterbacks get hurt because it creates more storylines for the Cowboys

I, in a sick way, I kind of think that Jerry Jones almost likes it when his starting quarterbacks hurt. Yeah. Because it, it, it keeps them in the news the entire time. That's true. And Jerry Jones can go on the, on the radio every week and be like, yeah, I'm expecting Dak to be back next week. And then that's another week of storylines about the Dallas Cowboys.

There will be revisionist history about Andrew Luck proving he was much better than we gave him credit for

I do think there's gonna be some Andrew luck revision where it's like, oh yeah, he was really that fucking good. And his, he was, he was on a, like, his teams were not good. And they, he was a very good quarterback... I'm saying like, he, he, people will say, oh, he was way better than we gave him credit for. That's the revisionist.

Robert Saleh taking 'receipts' on his haters is a dangerous game that will only make the mocking worse if they lose

Robert Saleh went in front of the media on Monday and said... 'we're all taking receipts on all the people who continually mock... and I'm gonna be more than happy to share them with all of you when all is said and done.' ... I will put myself down as a receipt. He can, he can absolutely come back and dunk on me when the jets become a super bowl team. But yeah, that was he he's, he's taking receipts... if they're not good this year, he could get fired. And if they're not good next year, he definitely will get fired. So yeah, those receipts, it's tough to say that.

I won't sign as a backup for the Buffalo Bills because every starter I back up gets hurt

Let's think about, and you know, the history, some of the history of my career everywhere, I've been where I've been a backup, the starter goes down everywhere. It doesn't matter where I go. It doesn't matter who it is. It doesn't matter. The circumstance. We've got a broken jaw. We've got dislocated hips. We've got Liz Frank injuries. I would not want to do that to my boy, Josh [Allen].

The Saints should stop scaling back Jameis Winston and just let him throw picks and be free

It's almost difficult for me to watch him play now because he's, he's not really playing his brand of football. Like it's so tame and almost like they've scaled it back so much for him... try to make him, you know, Drew Brees like that, it's not really who he is. We gotta let James free. We gotta let him spread his wings. We don't need 30 picks in a year. But like Jameis, like 15 picks is okay, because he's going to throw the ball down the field and make plays.

Joe Burrow is a top-three quarterback in the NFL

Joe burrow like makes it look very, very easy, but that dude throws it down the field. Like he's not one of, a lot of these new age quarterbacks is like efficiency and we're throwing the five yard passes... Joe burrow to me is a guy wanted to hate, but absolutely love watching play. I'd say he is in my top three. Ooh.

Josh Allen is the best quarterback in the NFL

For me, and the reason that some of these guys really bug me and the reason that I love a guy like Josh Allen... this is the reason that I think Josh Allen is the best quarterback in the NFL... we've got the talent. He's also the dude that sits in the locker room and he's just a dude. He can just be the Carson Palmer for me when I was young... if the leader of your football team can do that and is that human being, then it just resonates with everybody and sets a tone in the building.

Locker room culture and the human element still trump analytics and numbers in football

Does that human element still trump everything else when it comes to numbers? ... let down games or the team that has no chance. Everyone wrote 'em off, but they're able to do something like the locker room and how it comes together. Is that, would you say that's more important than, you know, numbers and all these like, Hey, when should we go on fourth down and everything?

Tom Brady has zero respect for me and has refused to shake my hand after games

I've told this story before, but he just pisses me off because you're in Buffalo... and we finally in 2011 knocked him off... and he threw five interceptions in the game... run straight off. Like no handshake, no, you know, quarterback middle of the field... just ran straight off. So it just, it bothered me so much because there was no respect there. And so I was like, every time I played him, after that, I was like, all right, like I at least got like, let's make this dude respect me.

Mike McCarthy is trying to get fired so Jerry Jones can hire Sean Payton

I think [McCarthy] has been trying to get fired for a while now. And he's doing everything that you would do if you were a coach trying to get fired, knowing that Jerry Jones is just gonna hire Sean Payton probably already has a handshake deal.

The Patriots are no longer a perennial Super Bowl favorite

I'm think I'm just ready to fully admit that the Patriots are not the Patriots anymore. Yeah. They're not the Patriots that I grew up since I was nine years old... If the Patriots make the playoffs, that's a winning season.

Jahan Dotson is a good bet for NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year

The past the passes to Johan Dotson were awesome. And Johan Dotson is I'm. I would put a future on him to get rookie of the year.

I will get shot in the ass with a bow and arrow if the Bears win the Super Bowl

I also will get shot in the ass. If the bears were the Superbowl this year, I'll let Jake shoot me with a bone arrow.

The AFC North currently has the greatest division of kickers in NFL history

I think as it stands right now, this for of AFC north kickers could be the greatest division of kickers ever. McPherson was unbelievable. Last year, Tucker with Boswell and K York.

Patrick Mahomes is the best physical quarterback in NFL history

I think we talked to Jules about that. It's like, wait, we haven't really said his name at all and he's probably the best quarterback physically in the history of the NFL.

The Chargers are legitimate Super Bowl contenders

I'm officially now here. Ready to say I'm taking the chargers very much for real, as a team that can win the super bowl. They looked awesome. Their defense looked awesome.

Derek Carr has the worst internal clock and is the most sackable QB in the league

I think he's the most sackable quarterback in the league right now... Derek Carr, the more time he has, the more dangerous it gets for Derek Carr. He's like, oh, I have all this time. I'm gonna do something really fucked up. Really stupid.

The Packers franchise is crumbling

Aaron Rogers hates his wide receivers. He hates them... I'm living in the moment and this moment is very fun. The bears are, want to know the Packers are on one and that franchise is crumbling.