Takes

Conor McDavid's team-friendly contract was designed to make him easily tradable to a contender

This seems like it would be very easily tradable. Very, very easily tradable contract. He basically, I mean smart by him. If in a year and a half the Oilers aren't competing and he can go somewhere for a year and a half and it doesn't fuck up some team's cap.

Canadians run funny because they skate from such a young age and don't look like athletes when they are off the ice

The chaos are a team of Canadians and what's really funny is they all run funny because they're all Canadians and Canadians all run funny cuz they all played hockey. Yeah. So you see them trotting around. This is true... hockey development from skating from such a young age and they don't run. Right. This is true. I've never seen hockey players like play pickup basketball... they don't even look like they athlete off the ice.

We are bringing the Stanley Cup back to Canada by betting on the Flames and Maple Leafs

Big Cat: I've decided I put a future on the Calgary Flames. I'm going to bring a cup to Canada personally... PFT: I'm on the Leafs already. That's the place I'm at. This is their year. ... Big Cat: I just want to bring a cup to the fine people of Canada because I'm sick of them not having a cup. ... PFT: I did also take out a future on the Leafs. I think that they can do it this year.

The NHL should fix long overtimes by making coaches skate 3-on-3 and eventually playing 1-on-1

The fix is you start overtime five-on-five, second overtime four-on-four, third overtime three-on-three and then if you get all the way to the fifth overtime, it's just one-on-one... They should third overtime make the coaches put on skates. I would love to see Tortorella get checked on the open ice.

Blackhawks GM Stan Bowman will be fired if he doesn't fix the team quickly after firing Joel Quenneville

Because now, Stan Bowman, you're on the hot seat. If you get a guy fired, you better fix it fast. Otherwise, you're going to get fired.

I'm destined to see Ovechkin win a Stanley Cup with a different team

The Washington Capitals are... Our fans, we're entering cuck territory. And it's Ray Bourque all over again. So I'm destined over the next five years to see Ovechkin win a Stanley Cup with a different team. And for me to cry during it and be like, I'm so glad and applaud him and be like, I'm glad he finally got his chance.

The Capitals and Ovechkin should split up because their regular season success is too good

I do think I am of the mindset that the Capitals and the [Ovechkin] should just be like, you know, hey, maybe this thing isn't working out anymore. Maybe our sex is just too good. Our regular season sex is too good. So we got to split up.