PMT DB
PMT DB
Deion Sanders Joins Barstool, B1G Football Pain, and D&D Plot Twists
It was a day of massive highs and soul-crushing lows. Big Cat and PFT started the show mourning the loss of Big Ten and Pac-12 football, painting a bleak picture of a Saturday morning without Northwestern vs. Purdue punting battles. The realization that the fall schedule is essentially nuked hit everyone hard.
Big CatThe 2020 Big Ten cancellation makes this the least fun autumn of our lifetimes
This fall is going to be possibly the least fun Autumn, excuse me, that we'll have in our lifetimes.
PFT suggested a creative, albeit depressing, way for the NFL to fill the void left by the absence of 11:00 AM kickoffs.
PFT CommenterThe NFL should schedule low over/under games at 11:00 AM to replace Big Ten football
If there's no college football on Saturday... try to replace it... by just scheduling the game that has the lowest point total over under to be the 11 a.m. Game. Have it be like Broncos Redskins 11 am.
Hard Knocks and COVID Fatigue
The return of Hard Knocks didn't provide the escape fans were looking for. Instead, it served as an hour-long reminder of the pandemic, filled with nasal swabs and social distancing stickers. PFT has officially reached his breaking point with the technology that has defined the last six months.
PFT CommenterI am officially sick of the Zoom interface and never want to see it again
Fuck you to Zoom. Fuck Zoom. I am sick of Zoom. The first week it was cool... Now every time I see a Zoom on Hard Knocks, it's like I'm looking into a kaleidoscope of hell. I can't process it anymore. I'm sick of seeing that interface.
Aside from the COVID of it all, Big Cat pointed out how much of the Rams' segment felt like a staged production for Sean McVay's brand. Between the dog tricks and the perfectly timed shirtless scenes, it was clear McVay knew the cameras were rolling.
Big CatSean McVay scripted his shirtless scenes and dog tricks for Hard Knocks
Sean McVay took his shirt off which you know that he's been planning the entire summer... He's like, I'm going to work out this summer. I'm going to teach the dog cool basketball tricks and the pool and the second the cameras get here. Boom.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne
Hank had a rough day, suffering from a self-diagnosed heart attack due to his workload, while Jake Marsh arrived on crutches after a tennis mishap. Jake was not a fan of the recovery process, taking aim at the inventor of his mobility aids.
Jake MarshCrutches are useless because they hurt your armpits more than your foot
I'm putting a man named... Emil Schlick in 1917. He invented the crutch and I'm saying the crutch is useless. It is my armpits are more sore than my foot.
In a shocking twist, Billy Football defended one of the most polarizing bands in music history, basically calling the entire audience "sheeple" if they don't appreciate the greatness of Chad Kroeger and company.
Billy FootballIf you don't like Nickelback, you are a sheeple
Cool throne Nickelback. If you don't like Nickelback your sheeple.
Prime Time at Barstool
The biggest news of the day was the official announcement that Deion Sanders is joining the pirate ship. Prime is launching a new podcast, "21st and Prime," and will be a recurring guest on PMT every Sunday night. He didn't hold back on his thoughts regarding players opting out of the season, warning them about the cold reality of the NFL business.
Deion SandersNFL players who opt out of the 2020 season risk never playing in the league again
If you opt out, I just really want you to know there's a major possibility in chance that you may never play again... This is a business until business slaps us in the face.
Deion also provided some scorching takes on the state of the league, including a bold claim about the New England Patriots' new look under Cam Newton.
Deion SandersThe Patriots have a better chance of winning with Cam Newton than they did with Tom Brady
I think they have a better shot with Cam than Tom. Well, that's the thing. Holy shit. You think about that?
When asked about how he would fare against today's top receivers like Michael Thomas, Prime reminded everyone why he's a Hall of Famer, claiming he'd have the Saints star looking at the back of his jersey all game long.
Deion SandersIn my prime, I would have held Michael Thomas to zero catches and zero yards
Why would you even ask me something like that? ... Stat line? ... Zero catches, zero yards. Do you understand how disruptive that is to understand if you curl your route one step too far that you could possibly see me dance with six days into the next game?
Dungeons and Dragons: The Return of the King
Timm Woods returned to the studio for what might be the most electric D&D session yet. The party, joined by Jake's new character "Cake the Wizard," infiltrated a cultist hatchery. However, the game reached a fever pitch with a massive plot twist: the return of Berserker Billy.
After being killed in a previous session, Billy was reanimated by the mysterious ResMuir as a flaming-skulled undead warrior. The betrayal was palpable as Billy immediately charged at Norm the Barbarian, leading to a frantic battle that ended with the party narrowly incinerating the zombified Billy once again.
Now we just have to wait and see if Billy comes back every three miles as a different mini-boss.
