Takes

Billy Football is a legitimate candidate for Congress and is taking it seriously

I regret to inform you Billy football is a hundred percent legitimately running for this seat. And my fire Fest is that I feel like Oppenheimer, that by, by putting this into motion, I've affected the course of the United States for the foreseeable future.

The Suez Canal ship will be bombed if it is not fixed within a week

Eventually they're just gonna have to blow it up. Eventually someone's gonna launch a missile at it. Take it apart piece by piece. They're gonna drop a bomb on it if it's not fixed within a week. That's my prediction.

Politicians should not be allowed on Twitter at all

I do think that politicians just should not be on Twitter at all. I've seen way too much of politicians dunking on other politicians. People that are in the Senate and House of Representatives spend like 90% of their time thinking about how they can get retweets.

Bill de Blasio changed his name to sound Italian so he could win in New York

He changed his name to sound Italian so he'd win in New York. He was born Warren Wilhelm... He changed his name to Warren de Blasio Wilhelm in 1983 and finally to Bill de Blasio to honor his maternal family, bullshit.