PMT DB
PMT DB
Scott Van Pelt and Ryan Lochte on MLB Labor War and Mount Flushmore
Sports are technically back, or at least the announcements of sports being back are back. While the NHL is figuring out a 24-team playoff format that involves Vegas and Edmonton, MLB is currently stuck in a mud fight. Big Cat and PFT are firmly on the side of the players, mostly because it feels like the owners are playing a shell game with their finances to squeeze out a better deal during a global crisis.
Big CatMLB owners are bluffing about canceling the season to force a better deal
I keep going back to the fact that it feels like the owners are okay threatening this year not having baseball, and that tells you everything. Because if they are, that means that they're probably not losing as much money as they're claiming they're going to lose. They're just trying to get a good deal.
Fyre Fest and Outer Banks
Fyre Fest of the week featured Hank struggling with a controller-less electric skateboard and PFT sounding the alarm on the government's latest moves to regulate the internet. In PFT's eyes, the end of the Wild West era of comment sections is a direct hit to the American way of life.
PFT CommenterThe government is coming for the First Amendment by regulating comment sections
The government is coming for comment sections. They're taking away our First Amendment. They are coming for our First Amendment and they're trying to silence the internet commenters of America. It means right now that no one's allowed to talk trash on the internet.
Meanwhile, Big Cat has officially fallen into the trap of Netflix's *Outer Banks*. He's fully aware that it’s a disaster of a show, but he’s reached the point where the badness becomes its own form of excellence.
Big CatNetflix's Outer Banks is a bad show that is also good
I like Outer Banks. It's such a bad show. It's so bad. It's become good. It reminds me of all my favorite action movies with Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme... it is so bad, and I'm learning nothing. I'm getting dumber.
Scott Van Pelt on MLB and Video Game Juice
Scott Van Pelt joined the show and immediately addressed the elephant in the room: his accusations that Big Cat is juicing the speed stats of his players in NCAA Football 14. SVP admitted he's been projecting his own "nuclear toxic juice" habits from his Maryland dynasty, where he somehow recruited a 96-overall Steve Coughlin.
Moving to real sports, SVP broke down the MLB labor dispute with the kind of common-sense logic that seems to be missing from the owners' offices. He argued that the players have already made their concessions and shouldn't be expected to bail out the billionaires.
Scott Van PeltMLB players are right to stand by their collectively bargained contracts
I don't expect you to have pity for the players. This isn't about pity, but it's still about right and wrong. And if we have a contract and the contract has been collectively bargained... All right. Well, I already gave you half of it back [for games not played], and now I'm going to go honor my contract, and you want me to take half less again. Well, that's bullshit.
PFT took it a step further, noting that owning a sports team should actually involve some level of business risk, rather than just guaranteed profits regardless of the circumstances.
PFT CommenterMLB owners should accept all business risks rather than forcing players to renegotiate contracts
If you buy a Major League Baseball team... owning it is a can't-lose proposition. But that's not how business works. If you're the owner of a team, part of that is accepting all the risk that comes along with owning that business. If something bad happens, the risk falls on your shoulders as the owner, it does not fall on the shoulders of the people with whom you've entered a collective bargaining agreement.
They also discussed the long-term danger for the league. If the owners and players can't play ball now, they might find that the audience has simply moved on to the Masters, the NBA playoffs, and a packed football schedule by the time they settle their differences.
Scott Van PeltBaseball faces a lack of interest if the 2020 season is canceled
If they stare each other down and nobody blinks and then the whole season dissolves in the midst of this... Like people are just going to say to baseball, hey, man, no one cares. We had nothing. You guys could have filled the void. You didn't because you fought about money. Now we've got all this other stuff. Have fun being over there and us not caring about it.
Ryan Lochte: Philosopher and Merman
Recurring guest and Olympic legend Ryan Lochte called in from Gainesville to provide an update on his training for a fifth Olympics. Lochte remains one of the most fascinating humans on the planet, confirmed by the fact that he holds his breath for five minutes and celebrates his dog's 8th birthday for three straight years.
Ryan LochteI can swim 100 yards underwater and hold my breath for 5 minutes
[Billy Football's question] was how far can you swim underwater... 100 yards. You can? Yeah. [And] how long can you stay underwater if you're not moving? I don't know. Maybe around five minutes.
Between discussing his weekly pizza and wings ritual and his willingness to procreate with a mermaid for the good of Team USA, Lochte proved why he’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer in the PMT universe. He also revealed that despite being a freak of nature in the water, he is shockingly bad at running due to some "bad knees."
Mount Flushmore of Car Accessories
The guys closed out the week with a Mount Flushmore of things that should never be attached to a vehicle. Big Cat came out swinging against the ultimate sign of a certain lifestyle: truck nuts.
Big CatTruck nuts are the ultimate indicator of a douchebag
I will start with truck nuts. Truck nuts are the Mount Flushmore of car accessories. If you see a dude with truck nuts, he is 100% a douchebag.
Other picks included eyelashes on headlights—which Big Cat accurately linked to a very specific demographic—and the increasingly annoying irony of the "0.0" bumper sticker.
Big CatCar eyelashes are a psycho move and reveal specific lifestyle traits
The front lights eyelashes. Psycho move... VW bug, throw the eyelashes on, probably own at least three pugs. Like the Venn diagram for pug ownership and eyelashes on your car is a big circle. And yeah, probably living a life alone.
Big Cat0.0 bumper stickers are the new leader for lamest car accessory
I actually think there's a new number one leader when it comes to distances that's way worse, the 0.0. I think that's the lamest. That one used to be funny, now it's so lame. The 0.0 is now worse than the half mile.
PFT took a moment to get nostalgic for the early 2000s, defending the honor of the cassette tape adapter as the peak of audio engineering.
PFT CommenterTape deck car adapters provide better audio quality than iPhone aux cords
To me, the tape deck aux that was hooked up to your Discman sounds clearer than plugging in an aux cord to your iPhone right now. Science will never reach that level of sophistication that we had in the year 2001 or 2002 when we developed that.
Hopefully your car doesn't have eyelashes, because we're all just trying to get to the weekend.
