Takes

I guarantee a five-yard completion to the left side in the preseason opener

Are you going to throw a touchdown for Brendan tonight? Yeah. Well, you know what it sounds like, Josh? Since they play a lot of soft zone, you can guarantee a five-yard completion tonight. ... Left side, five or more yard completion for Brendan. That is a Josh Allen guarantee.

House train a dog by feeding it roast beef while it pees

Get like roast beef or some kind of really good meat from the deli and just give your dog a little piece every time they go to the bathroom outside while they're going to the bathroom. That's how I got [Stella] house trained. She would literally be peeing, eating roast beef out of my hand.

The 'Suck My Dick' catchphrase was a mistake and is officially retired from the show.

We're done with the suck my dick. We've decided that it was a really bad choice on our part. This is what's been happening recently is award-winning listeners have been coming up to me and be like, 'I want to say it, but I can't.' So just do that. Just go up to people and be like, 'I want to say it, but I can't.'

Pardon My Take will not change its name despite ESPN's cease and desist

We've changed the logo. ... We are not changing the name. We will fight to the death to not change this name. So ESPN, come at us. We're not fucking budging on that.