PMT DB
PMT DB
Cody Ko and Noel Miller on YouTube Feuds, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Early Internet Vibes
The energy in the studio today is peaking higher than Steve Ballmer at a Clippers introductory press conference. Big Cat and PFT are riding the high of NBA governor season, specifically Ballmer’s sweating, screaming, and overall lack of "governor cool." The guys are convinced that the pairing of Ballmer’s pure chaos with Kawhi Leonard’s robotic silence is the content gift that will keep on giving throughout the season.
Big CatKawhi Leonard and Steve Ballmer are a match made in heaven
The Kawhi Leonard robot mixed with Steve Ballmer's over-the-top insane, insane energy is a match made in heaven.
PFT is even looking forward to the inevitable playoff heartbreak just to see Ballmer’s reaction, noting that if he breaks down into tears, Adam Silver’s hands are essentially tied due to the league's stance on mental health.
PFT CommenterAdam Silver is on a war against toxic masculinity and can't fine a man for crying
[Steve Ballmer] will just cry. And guess what? Adam Silver, you can't fine a man for crying. As a matter of fact, that's the last thing Adam Silver would ever do because he is on a full war against toxic masculinity. And mental health is a big issue.
Training Camp and Compact SUV Frauds
Football is officially back with training camps opening up across the country. Big Cat and PFT break down the various arrival styles, from Jalen Ramsey’s Brinks truck to Matt Patricia’s golf cart. While some teams have moved to sterile practice facilities, Big Cat is still holding a candle for the classic college dorm experience where 300-pound men have to haul their own fans and toilet paper into a small room.
Big CatThe best training camp tradition is players walking into dorms with basic household supplies
The old school, like the Bears still do it on a college campus, so you get guys like these 300-pound linemen walking in with toilet paper and fans. It's awesome. That's the best. That's training camp.
On the gear side of things, Big Cat admits he's shifted his summer wardrobe strategy. Instead of hitting the gym, he’s opted for the "senator at a Jimmy Buffett concert" look, utilizing loud patterns for very specific tactical reasons.
Big CatOverweight men should wear busy patterns to hide their chests
Listen, when you're overweight, you have a choice. And the choice is lose weight or wear designs and patterns that shield your man tits.
This led into a Fyre Fest segment where the guys exposed the absolute scam that is the compact SUV market. Hank is currently navigating a moving disaster involving acquired cabinetry, while PFT is mentally preparing for a rugby tournament with two shoulders that probably shouldn't be anywhere near a pitch.
Big CatThe compact SUV market is a total fraud
The compact SUV world is such a fraud city... it's just a car. And then you actually don't have as much trunk room as you would in a normal car. You put a dog in it, and it's already crowded.
The Mt. Rushmore of YouTube Videos
In honor of today's guests, the guys drafted the definitive Mt. Rushmore of YouTube videos. From "Unforgivable" and "Boom Goes the Dynamite" to "Chocolate Rain" and the "Alabama Leprechaun," it was a trip down memory lane. Big Cat pointed out that the beauty of the early internet was the permanence of that specific type of fame.
Big CatIf you go viral on early YouTube, you become a celebrity forever
See, that's the best part about the old YouTube is like if you got viral, you became a celebrity forever.
Cody Ko and Noel Miller
Comedians Cody Ko and Noel Miller joined the show to discuss their transition from software engineering to becoming the "bad boys of the internet." The duo, known for their reaction videos and podcasting, sat down with Big Cat and PFT to talk about the absolute weirdness of modern internet culture. Noel didn't hold back on his thoughts regarding the current state of the UFC and certain fighters.
Noel MillerThe UFC should get rid of Greg Hardy
[Greg Hardy] fucking sucks. Bro, I don't know why they give him a... It would be nice to just have him get his ass kicked, right? Cave the skull in. Why does Dana give him a chance? Get him out of there.
They also shared the frustration of being recognized in public by people who don't actually know who they are, often leading to the most awkward "what do you do?" conversations imaginable. The group found common ground in the way the internet can occasionally turn people's brains into mush, causing them to overanalyze and eventually hate the things they used to enjoy.
Big CatThe Internet is ruining people's brains to the point where they hate things they love
It's such a weird concept to me to have the internet fuck your brain up so much that you can hate something you used to love. And I feel like that's how you get deep into the internet. You get to these people where it's like, how is this real world?
Before letting them go, the guys tried to manufacture some high-level beef for the duo. While they usually end up being friends with the people they roast, Noel decided to take a hard stance against a certain A-list actor's penchant for playing military roles.
Noel MillerJake Gyllenhaal's acting in military movies is stolen valor
Fuck Jake Gyllenhaal. I've heard he's kind of a dick. Like, the whole method acting thing, it's like, dude, chill out. You weren't actually in the military. It's stolen valor, basically, what he does to just try to play badass characters all the time.
The Return of Jimbos
After a brief "Explain it to Hank" regarding the Clinton body count—which PFT debunked using the simple logic of Anthony Weiner still being among us—the show wrapped up with the glorious return of Jimbos.
PFT CommenterAnthony Weiner being alive proves the Clintons didn't murder anyone
Anytime Anthony Weiner's Weiner pops up, which it does several times a year, that is all the proof that you need [that the Clintons didn't murder people]. Although I would really like to see Hillary Clinton try to kill somebody.
Between a lifeguard who watched a kid struggle for ten seconds just to see if he had "the dog in him" and a guy who accidentally booked a flight to Bogota, the AWLs delivered. Big Cat even shared a veteran tip for anyone struggling with a new puppy and a messy carpet.
Big CatHouse train a dog by feeding it roast beef while it pees
Get like roast beef or some kind of really good meat from the deli and just give your dog a little piece every time they go to the bathroom outside while they're going to the bathroom. That's how I got [Stella] house trained. She would literally be peeing, eating roast beef out of my hand.
If you see a dog owner handing out deli meats in the middle of a park this weekend, just know they're probably a listener.
