Kawhi Leonard and Steve Ballmer are a match made in heaven

The Kawhi Leonard robot mixed with Steve Ballmer's over-the-top insane, insane energy is a match made in heaven.

Adam Silver is on a war against toxic masculinity and can't fine a man for crying

[Steve Ballmer] will just cry. And guess what? Adam Silver, you can't fine a man for crying. As a matter of fact, that's the last thing Adam Silver would ever do because he is on a full war against toxic masculinity. And mental health is a big issue.

Overweight men should wear busy patterns to hide their chests

Listen, when you're overweight, you have a choice. And the choice is lose weight or wear designs and patterns that shield your man tits.

The Brewers are what baseball fans say they want

The Brewers are everything that I think most people say that they want in a baseball team now. The knock against the direction baseball's been going for the last 10 years is you strike out, you hit home runs. And that's the way that you do it with the Brewers.

The Broncos would have won with the quarterbacks reversed

If quarterbacks were reversed tonight, who wins? Broncos. I think Drew Lock on the Broncos would've won tonight.

The 24-team playoff is the ongoing Savannah-ification of sports

It's the ongoing Savannah-ification of sports in America. It's a sad day.