Takes

LeBron James is an asshole for trying to trademark 'Taco Tuesday'

LeBron's an asshole. Let's just go business hour with LeBron. I do just hate him. He is trademarking Taco Tuesday. Trying. This is the guy who his big inventions, his big ideas, business ideas. Talking in a barbershop. With his friends. Space Jam 2. Remember when he created Plinko?

LeBron James will fake a season-ending injury if the Lakers miss the playoffs

As soon as it becomes like this is a realistic thing [missing the playoffs], [LeBron James] will definitely be like, oh, my hamstring hurts because too much sheesh. All the sheesh has added weight to my groin.

LeBron James is dropping 'I'm washed' hints to pre-excuse not winning a title with the Lakers

LeBron, though, is definitely going to start dropping these hints to pre-excuse not winning another title. He's old. He needs help.

The Cavaliers will be the best team in the East by May

Replay that for us in, like, May when the Cavaliers are by far and away the best team in the East.

LeVar Ball is currently the 'straw that stirs the drink' for NBA media

LeVar Ball is the straw that stirs the drink. Of NBA media right now... parents are now the content engines.

LeBron James is going to leave Cleveland a second time

Well, I also saw on SportsCenter today people were saying they were using the phrase like this was almost as bad as LeBron the first time he left Cleveland... So would that imply there's a second time? Huh. Huh. We're just connecting the dots, people.

LeBron James will eventually sign with the Lakers

I'm going to be really sad when it's over, when he finally signs with the Lakers and we have to stop doing [the LeBron James free agency update].