PMT DB
PMT DB
Martin Shkreli on Wu-Tang, Pharma Scandals, and Joining a Band
Football season is officially back because we’ve reached the part of the calendar where everyone treats Jay Cutler like a sensitive Victorian wife. Big Cat and PFT Commenter opened the show by reacting to Stephen A. Smith and former teammates begging Cutler to just smile more so the Bears might actually win a game.
PFT CommenterJay Cutler is the only professional athlete who is treated like a woman
I love how Jay Cutler is the only professional athlete that's treated like a woman, really. Like, honey, you'd be so much better if you'd just smile, babe.
With the Hall of Fame ceremony in Canton looming, PFT Commenter reminisced about his time in Ohio, noting that the city basically forces you into a state of intoxication within half a day.
PFT CommenterYou can't spend more than 12 hours in Canton without getting legally drunk
I mean you can't spend more than 12 hours in Canton without getting legally drunk. I was there last year. It is – it's one of the worst times.
The Animals We Don't Need
In honor of the *Suicide Squad* release, the guys drafted a twisted Mount Rushmore of animals they want to see go extinct. PFT Commenter didn't hold back, immediately targeting the most useless insect in the history of the planet.
PFT CommenterThe planet would be better off without mosquitoes
Number one, mosquitoes. I don't know what part of the ecosystem mosquitoes fits into, but you can't convince me that the planet wouldn't be better without mosquitoes.
Big Cat took a more preventative approach to crime, suggesting that we could probably identify the world's most dangerous people based on their pet choices.
Big CatAnyone who owns a ferret is probably a murderer
Ferrets. Because anyone who owns a ferret is probably a murderer, and that's just like pre-crime. We basically created pre-crime by getting rid of ferrets.
As the draft rounded out, PFT Commenter added a regional pick from the South, specifically targeting the "world's shittiest bird," the grackle.
PFT CommenterGrackles are the world's shittiest bird
I'd like to add grackles to the list. They're the world's shittiest bird. They're ten times worse than any sort of bird out there.
Meeting the Pharma Bro
In what might be the weirdest interview in the history of the show, Martin Shkreli joined the guys to talk through his various internet feuds, his pending legal troubles, and the $2 million Wu-Tang Clan album he has locked in a vault. Shkreli was adamant that the government is simply nitpicking his business dealings and that he has no intention of taking a plea deal.
Martin ShkreliI am 100% innocent of all criminal charges
I'm innocent without a doubt. The charges are related to some hedge funds I operated in a public company I operated. Don't have one person who has ever complained. You won't find one person that ever lost money in these funds.
Martin ShkreliMy trial will be the trial of the decade
The trial is next year in June. It promises to be trial of the decade. I want to make it out to be this big thing. I want it to be like pay-per-view.
While Shkreli defended his pricing of Daraprim and his billion-dollar net worth, the conversation took several bizarre turns. He claimed his legendary basketball skills earned him the nickname "The Professor" in Brooklyn and even spent time defending the pharmaceutical industry’s treatment of rare diseases, though his take on ulcerative colitis was... controversial to say the least.
Martin ShkreliUlcerative colitis is not actually a disease and those who have it are lucky the drug industry pays attention to them
Ulcerative colitis is not a disease... They're not great medicines, but the people with ulcerative colitis, they're lucky, quite frankly, that they have a drug industry who can pay attention to them.
Martin ShkreliVaccinations are great and people who dispute them are idiots
They're great. People who dispute them are idiots. And more people should be vaccinated for more things. I feel horrible that people mouth off about this stuff without knowing the facts.
By the end of the interview, the beef was seemingly squashed as Big Cat, PFT, and Shkreli decided to form a band called the Steroid Boys. They even agreed to a free-throw competition where the winner gets to slap the loser. Big Cat, ever the optimist, thinks he can find his rhythm with just a little bit of gym time.
Big CatI will hit 8 out of 10 free throws if I practice for two weeks
Two weeks, I can hit eight out of ten. No problem. Yeah, I get my jumper wet. My jumper usually takes like five to six days to get wet. But if I take the time and I go to the gym and I get my shot back, I'll hit eight.
Lebron Blames and Spiteful Saban
During a LeBron James Free Agency update, the guys noticed that the media is already comparing Kevin Durant's move to LeBron's first exit from Cleveland. To Big Cat, this is a clear signal that the King is planning another getaway.
Big CatLeBron James is going to leave Cleveland a second time
Well, I also saw on SportsCenter today people were saying they were using the phrase like this was almost as bad as LeBron the first time he left Cleveland... So would that imply there's a second time? Huh. Huh. We're just connecting the dots, people.
In "Uhhh Ya Think," the guys looked at the story of Alabama's Maurice Smith, who found his personal belongings in the trash after telling Nick Saban he wanted to transfer to Georgia. PFT Commenter pointed out that trying to leave Saban's program through official channels is a rookie mistake.
PFT CommenterYou don't give Nick Saban a two-week notice; you sneak out in the middle of the night and tweet that you're leaving
You don't put in a two weeks notice at Alabama. That's a move where you slip the janitor 50 bucks to get in in the middle of the night and you just take all your shit out and then you tweet the fact that you're leaving to Nick Saban. That's how you leave.
We also got a "Not to Brag But We Called It" regarding RG3 trying way too hard to be relatable by driving a beat-up Volkswagen to Browns training camp.
PFT CommenterRobert Griffin III driving a 1992 Volkswagen to practice is a major try-hard move
Robert Griffin III rolled up to practice in a 1992 Volkswagen today... I thought it would be someone who actually still owned an old car, not someone that went out and borrowed a friend's old car just so that people would write stories about him driving to practice. It makes Robert Griffin seem like a real try-hard.
The show wrapped up with Jimbos of the week, featuring a girl who admitted she preferred Wikipedia to books on a date and a legendary story about a Pizza Hut manager who fired his entire staff and ended up having to make every single pizza himself.
If you ever find yourself at a Brooklyn basketball court and see a guy who looks like a broke Ron Burgundy, just know he's probably about to hit eight out of ten free throws.
