Action Bronson + Bob Kraft Busted

Robert Kraft's punishment for the solicitation sting should be jerking off every other NFL owner

As much as I would like to see the Patriots get their entire draft this year and next taken away from them for the actions of the owner, I feel like the punishment should fit the crime, and [Robert Kraft] should have to jerk off every other NFL owner.

Adam Schefter is helping Robert Kraft by reporting there is a 'bigger name' in the prostitution sting

Adam Schefter says there's a bigger name involved, and somehow we don't have the bigger name, which leads me to believe that Adam Schefter is doing Robert Kraft a favor by basically sending everyone on a wild goose chase to figure out if Tiger Woods got jerked off.

Prostitution and sports gambling should both be legal

Prostitution should be legal because gambling should be prostitution and we take all the bad things out of the shadows so that people don't get harmed. Yes, and you should be able to do both on sports. They should have prostitutes in stadiums.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

The Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title due to the Ja Rule curse

The Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title. It has been declared. You just jinxed yourself talking to the God [Ja Rule] this way. You're cursed now. You won't win a championship for the next 30 years and [Karl-Anthony Towns] is leaving.

Eating out of bowls is superior to eating off plates

Bowls are way, way better than plates. Would we all agree? There's nothing that you can eat out of a plate that you can't also eat out of a bowl. Everything's getting put in a bowl these days. America is hung up on bowl culture.

You choose your own destination once you are high

It's mind-altering. You choose your path once you're high. That is fucking deep. You choose your own path when you're high. You choose the destination when you're high. Make sure you fucking write that down.

I am one of the top five hash makers/pressers in the world

I'm one of them. [Top five hash squishers]. For sure. There's no doubt about it. It's like the Kobe beef of making hash. I press the hash. I do the Revlon. But that's also a talent and an art in itself.

LeBron James will fake a season-ending injury if the Lakers miss the playoffs

As soon as it becomes like this is a realistic thing [missing the playoffs], [LeBron James] will definitely be like, oh, my hamstring hurts because too much sheesh. My groin. His groin issue. All the sheesh has added weight to my groin.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

I think it's pretty clear he's going to go to the Phillies. They're the last team that's willing to deal with this bullshit. It's basically he's doing a pretty good job of weeding out all the teams that would get pissed off at him if he did sign that big contract.

Identifying your own white privilege but not changing your behavior is 'Schrodinger's White Privilege'

It's like Schrodinger's white privilege. Just identifying it makes it something. But it also makes it exist and not exist at the same time? Like, if you identify that you're acting like a dick... Newsflash, you're still acting like a dick. If you stop acting like a dick, then you're no longer acting like a dick. I don't think that it can be Schrodinger's dick or not.