Takes

Disney World with kids is the absolute worst place in the world to be violently hungover

Disney World with kids would be hell on earth. Because then you actually actively have to parent and chase them around and worry about where they're being and stand in lines and eat gross food. I actually don't think that there's, I've never been to Disney World as a kid or an adult, but I think that might be the worst place in the world.

I consider myself a top 10 quarterback in the NFL

I mean, I think, I think I should be top 10 quarterback... where I'm at in my career year five, like it's time to time to go and start winning consistently and, and be not just that team where it's like, you know, you're always like, no one really takes you seriously.

Dabo Swinney is a master motivator but not the most 'cerebral' X's and O's coach

He's not like the biggest, he understands the game, he's not a huge X's and O's guys, but he's like motivator vision... he would make you believe like you could do anything. Like our team, we'd be like, dude, we're gonna like, it didn't matter who we're playing, like we're gonna kill these dudes.

First dates should always start with drinks as a 'solos match' before committing to more

I was thinking we, we could run, we could run drinks if she's open to that. I like that Max, easy. Just happy hour. A few drinks. Nothing crazy. Maybe just one drink. We'll start with one drink. And then if it's good, then you go two.

Announcing you are writing a book is the funnest part of writing a book

Announcing that you're writing a book is the funnest part of writing a book. Oh yeah. Now we gotta write a book. We've ended up canceling the books at the last minute several times, which always feels great to do.

Our 10th anniversary book will be the dumbest book ever created

It's gonna be the dumbest book ever created. And it's not gonna be... like, I don't wanna, we're not gonna write like a a tell all that's like super serious. It's gonna be stupid. ... We want it to be dumb. We wanna be stupid.

A quarterback should not have an eight-pack because it means they spend too much time on core work

I, in fact, I would prefer if my quarterback didn't have like an eight pack. It's way too much time working on your core. ... Still good quarterback. I, in fact, I would prefer if my quarterback didn't have like an eight pack.

Patrick Mahomes having a 'dad bod' is beneficial for Chiefs fans to feel hated

That could actually be great for a Kansas City Chiefs fan because the last five, six years, you've just had to invent reasons why people hate the Kansas City Chiefs and why people doubt you. Now you actually have people making fun of your quarterback.

Construction workers are the groundwork of civilization and deserve more credit

So much infrastructure to the entire, everything that we do. This building, all of our homes, all, all of the establishments we go to. I mean, it's everywhere. The groundwork of civilization, all the construction workers is deserve so much credit.

Hockey players are the best athletes to hang out with because they are the most chill

Hockey players are my, some of my favorite athletes especially to hang out with and to play golf. ... they're the funnest people to hang out with because they're the most chill. They're so fun Canadian hockey players... they're just sweet people. Kind people until they're not.

Howie Roseman is the greatest GM in all of sports

And then of course Howie Roseman, the greatest GM in all of sports, navigate their relationship with the players because it's tricky.

The next season of Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be the funniest one in a decade

I think that this season that's coming out today or tomorrow is the funniest season, maybe the funniest season we've ever done. That's a pretty high bar, but definitely the funniest of the last like, decade.

You are naturally less funny the better shape you are in

the better shape you are in, the less funny you are just naturally. ... Unless you tell your friends in the show, I did this for you. And the friends are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why? And he did it just to like impress them, but they're not impressed by it.

Sports fandom is forged in tragedy, not triumph

it's about fandom... and really what it's about is about community and a community forged in tragedy because there can be only one at the end of each year in any, in every and any sport. And so there's something really beautifully human about that, that, that we are not forged in triumph. We're forged in tragedy.

Silver medals are worse than bronze medals

I lost the gold... You either win the gold, lose the gold or win the bronze. ... I think silver's worse than bronze. ... you gotta win to get the bronze right. You're elated, right? Like you got a medal. And I was devastated that I lost the gold.

Hank could easily be a five handicap in golf if he played more

I think he could easily, he's got a gorgeous golf swing. So like, I think he could be a five handicap. No problem. You just gotta, he's just gotta play. He's gotta let him play more.

Novak Djokovic is the greatest tennis player of all time

Novak is [the GOAT]. Yes. ... Novak is just because it's like, Roger won, Roger won one French... Novak has won a few French and like, I mean he's won I think 12 Australian opens. I mean, just incredible. And I played the three of them a bunch and I never beat Novak.

Roger Federer is the most naturally talented athlete in any sport

Roger's the most talented player ever. Like he's the like the most talent laden person in, I mean maybe in like any sport. ... Roger was like born to play tennis. He is built to play tennis.

The Pacific Time Zone is the worst time zone for sports

I hate Pacific Time zone. It sucks. Everything's just two nights in a row. ... I've pulled up like we have long days and I, I like, I'll pull up the Cubs game being like, I'm gonna watch the Cubs game in my hotel room. And they're just like, oh, they're down eight. Nothing. It's the eighth inning.

Football is not a breakfast sport; it is a beer sport meant for the afternoon and evening

Everything's just two nights in a row. ... I don't like the idea of waking up and having breakfast while football's coming up. Football is not a breakfast sport. Tennis is a breakfast sport. Golf can be a breakfast sport. ... Football is a beer sport.

Modern alarm clocks have become too chill; we need irritating sounds like fire alarms to actually wake up

We gotta get back to making alarm clocks great again. Yeah. Because though, I, I need to have like the fire alarm sound. I need Max's hiccup. Hiccup. Yeah. To wake me up. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, that's okay. But like, I need, I need a grading irritating sound to wake me up. Alarm clocks have gotten way too chill with a nice, like gradual. The light ones. Yeah. That kinda like light up your room a little bit with sunlight. The ambient noise. Fuck that. Don't, that's, that's too new agey shit for me.

The NFL jersey rankings that put the Chargers at #1 and Commanders at #32 are mostly accurate

Would you like me to tell you some of the results I actually agree with pretty much the top 10... Number one is chargers. Okay. Number one is Charger. I like it... [Commanders] dead last is correct. Okay. Yep. And honestly don't necessarily disagree.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

Michelangelo is the best Ninja Turtle because he is the only true 'party dude' and stays chill

Michelangelo Ninja Turtle party dude. Party dude. He literally just eats pizza and parties. And I think extremely true. I think as much as Raphael wants to fuck April O'Neal, I think, I think Michelangelo is what? April? O'Neal. Lusts after... He's a part, literally is a party dude. He's always trying to keep everyone chill.

CONCACAF is rigged to ensure the United States doesn't win the Gold Cup

I join the chorus of those who were saying CONCACAF rigged. They don't want to see the United States win the Gold Cup. They'd much rather have it be Mexico.

The United States might actually just suck at soccer

So if [Pochettino] loses it's the, we might suck at soccer. Yeah, we might suck at soccer. Okay. I've been saying that.

Lamar Jackson is a dream rotation choice to smoke weed with

You gotta put Lamar [Jackson] in the top tier, right? For sure. Lamar is absolutely the top tier of that. A hundred percent.

The 'Micro Retirement' trend is just Gen Z trying to rebrand regular vacations

There's a new fad for Gen Zers. It is called Micro Retirements. They involve taking a one to two week break from work every 12 to 18 months. They're basically just stealing [vacations]. It's also not enough. No, it's not enough. It's not enough. But that's, but you can't let them steal the word vacation. They're trying to change it to micro retirements. Yeah. That makes no sense. Yeah, it's crazy. They're trying to rebrand it.

Keith Olbermann was an unbelievable partner with a great news sense on SportsCenter

I was with Keith Olbermann, and we said, we want the first 15 minutes to be about Mickey Mantle... Keith would always fight the, he had a great news sense. He was, he was unbelievable as a partner. Unbelievable.

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

Joey Chestnut is a top five athlete of all time

I really do think that Joey Chestnut might be the greatest athlete of all time. I actually like broke it down... however you slice it, he's like top five athlete of all time.

Brian Steele is the greatest defense attorney of all time

Brian Steele might just be the greatest defense attorney of all time... he has beat racketeering charges for his clients for the second time... Young Thug... Sean Combs.

Firing Nationals GM Mike Rizzo because of the team's record is nonsensical due to budget constraints

Firing a GM because you didn't give him enough money to spend on good food... That's like divorcing your wife because you got fat.

It is embarrassing for a grown man to wear a bike helmet

You just can't, you just look like a fucking fool and you look like an idiot. Especially when you get off the bike and you're like, walking without the bike.

Josh Allen is the best quarterback in the NFL

I think Josh Allen should be one. I had Josh Allen one, Patrick Mahomes two, Lamar three.

Jaden Daniels is the fifth best quarterback in the NFL

I watched an hour of his highlights in the 4th of July... I think he's five. I think just, yeah, he's five.

Dak Prescott is the 24th best quarterback in the NFL

Make the accurate ranking tier. Just be 23 Daniel Jones, 24 Dak... I googled QB Rankings for 2025 Pro Football Focus. Where do you think they had Dak Prescott? 18, 17... I couldn't make him the 17th best anymore.

Getting hit in the head with a ball is always embarrassing regardless of the situation

Getting hit in the head with a ball, no matter how it happens, is always embarrassing. Like I'm saying, you could be playing catch it hits you in the head. That's very embarrassing. But even when we're playing hoops out here and like everyone's shooting around and you're not even looking and the ball hits you in the back of the head, you're embarrassed.

It's embarrassing for a person to use an umbrella even though it's better than getting wet

Holding an umbrella... even though it's obviously way better than being wet... there's something about holding an umbrella that just sucks.

NBA free agency is officially a dud this year

NBA free agency has started and it's a dud. I'm gonna say it right now. It's a dud.

The NBA should rename the 'Second Apron' to 'Prison' to make it easier to understand

They gotta get rid of the apron word. I'm so sick of it. If they just called it jail and prison, I think it would make a lot more sense because that's really what it is. The second apron is prison. They basically, for people who don't understand what they've done with the salary cap... they restrict you. They put you in prison.

The NBA should have a random one-hour window where the salary cap is turned off completely

It's essentially video game rules. And Adam Silver just says for the next hour salary caps off. You turn off salary caps, you could do any trade ever. And you have to get your players signed in that window... And then he is like, boom, salary cap's back on.

LeBron James no longer runs the NBA league

I think LeBron thinks he still runs the league and he doesn't run the league anymore. I think he was expecting every team to be like, oh shit, LeBron, we could trade for LeBron. And everyone's like, why would we wanna trade for a one year retirement tour at $53 million for a guy who is gonna basically hijack our entire franchise?

Adam Schefter uses specific character limits to bait clicks in notifications

I saw his post about a trade. It said Jalen Ramsey has been traded from the Miami Dolphins to, and then it was the...dot dot dot. It cut off right there. I think that Schefter knows exactly how many characters to use to make people actually click through and look at his tweet instead of just looking at the notification. I think that he's that good.

This is an 'all-in' season for the Pittsburgh Steelers

Ramsey is still a really, really good cornerback. They have Ramsey and Joey Porter Jr. So I think it's all in all it's good for the Steelers. It feels like this is the Steelers all in season, right?

The evidence of Malik Beasley gambling on his own games is absurdly obvious

The videos that came out after the investigation came out were very bad to say the least. I don't know if it's one of those things where if you could do this for any player... but the videos that came out were absurdly obvious that he was probably gambling on games.

WNBA players being petty toward Caitlin Clark is actually good for sports

Of course they don't like her. She's better than them and she's more popular. Like of course they're petty about it. I think that's good for sports... Kaylyn Clark will have a longer career, better career, make more money. She's gonna win in the long run. It doesn't have to be like a World War II every single time there's a slight on Kaitlyn Clark.

Deshaun Watson mentoring Shedeur Sanders is like an old person getting a pet

Lucky for Shedeur Sanders, he found a mentor in Cleveland that's taking him quote under his wing. It is Deshaun Watson. Deshaun Watson has stepped up to show the young guy the ropes... I think this is maybe a situation like who saved who, like an old person getting a pet?

The dropped third strike is the stupidest rule in all of baseball

The dropped third strike rule is the stupidest rule in baseball of all time. You swing in a pitch that's that bad... and then just because the ball like bounced away, you get to go to first base. It's a participation trophy. I literally made you swing at a pitch that didn't even make it to the plate. It was that bad. And you get to run to first base.

Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia is the most hostile sporting environment in the world

Those games in the playoffs [in Philly] were the most hostile sporting event that I've ever been a part of hands down for sure. But I, I don't know. It also makes it fun for us. You know? It's like that's, you feed off it... whether they're screaming for you against you at least it's like it brings energy. It's fun.