Takes

The perfect answer for onside kicks is replacing them with a fourth-and-20 play for the offense

I do think the perfect answer for onside kicks is you should just have it a be a fourth and 20 play for offense. Yeah. Because everyone would love that.

I believe Shohei Ohtani's story about Ippei Mizuhara stealing his money

Shohei, I believe him. I don't know why... but I just think like, I'm gonna believe him until they do the forensic accounting. I'm waiting for the forensic accounting to come out.

Shohei Ohtani revealed his wife as part of a crisis management strategy to distract from the impending gambling scandal

Shohei found out about the investigation, hired a crisis team and then part of their crisis team was like, we need to get ahead of the negative publicity. Let's show everybody your superstar wife.

I would trade an Eagles Super Bowl victory for a Notre Dame National Championship

Wait, would you rather have a Notre Dame national title than an Eagles Super Bowl? [Shane Gillis]: Yes. Without a doubt. No doubt. Yeah.

Arch Manning opted out of the college football video game to protect his teammate Quinn Ewers from fan pressure

I think it's because... if you're a Texas fan, every Texas fan that plays the Longhorns would [put in Arch]. And then everyone's gonna be like, yo fuck Quinn Ewers. Why is he playing in real life? Because everyone's playing his Arch in the video game. And I think Arch was trying to be a good teammate to be like, I don't want all this pressure on my teammate Quinn.

New Orleans and Miami are bad comedy towns because they are just parades of drunk people

There's like New Orleans and Miami [that are bad towns]... It's a parade of drunk people. Yeah... everything... it's like, it's a parade of drunk people.

College football should adopt multi-year contracts for players to improve the sport's quality and television ratings

I tend to agree with Jay Bilas take that it should just be multi-year contracts for players. Because the big thing is if you get one year of a player, then they leave. That stinks. I think it's bad for the sport overall... doing multi-year contracts would keep players around you. And then the fan base would grow custom these players.

Masters TV coverage is a joke because fans can't watch it all live

Best golf tournament of the year. And we cannot watch all of it live in 2024. It's a joke. Put it all on TV or online. I don't care. But I wanna watch it Thursday morning.

NC State is no longer a Cinderella; they are a team of destiny.

The one Cinderella that's still in there is a Cinderella that we can all focus on in NC State. Also not a Cinderella anymore because they just keep winning. They went from Cinderella to just Team of Destiny. Like, there was a moment when NC State in that Oakland game, they win in overtime, and I'm like, why can't they just win it all?

The Big East should have had more teams in the NCAA tournament.

Big East also undefeated. Six and oh Big East. Probably should put more teams in from the Big East.

There are ten teams in the Sweet 16 that could conceivably win the National Championship.

I look at the bracket right now and I don't know, 10 out of the 16, I could conceivably see winning it all.

Brad Underwood is an awesome coach and his roster strategy has Illinois in a position to beat anyone.

Brad Underwood... I think he's an awesome coach. I actually have, one of my only non 'old takes exposed' when they hired him. I was like, [Underwood] is an awesome coach. They're gonna win with him... They have a team that could absolutely beat anyone, especially with the way Terrence Shannon's playing.

No team in college basketball could stop Victor Wembanyama.

There's not a team in college basketball right now that could do a goddamn thing about Victor Wembanyama.

LeBron James would lead the worst team in the NCAA tournament to the Final Four.

Still, you put, you put LeBron on Longwood and they're, they're in the final four for sure. And it'll be so much fun to watch.

I struggle with open three-pointers but excel at making the most difficult shots.

It was just a classic game for me. For anyone who's watched my career, they know I miss open threes and I make the hardest threes. And I don't know why that is, but... a couple of 'em I kind of threw up and didn't even see 'em go in. I kind of thought they were bricks.

Dave Canales wearing shorts in the NFL coaches photo is a bad move.

Dave Canales thinking he can go shorts next to Andy Reid. You fucking sucked. You just can't do that. You can't be, you haven't won a game in the NFL and you went shorts.

Dan Quinn and Brian Daboll look like a team of hitmen or outlaws in the NFL coaches photo.

Dan Quinn and Brian Daboll next to each other look hilarious. They look like the funniest either like buddy cop duo of all time or we were saying they look like a team of Hitmen or Outlaws.

Doug Pederson looks like a swinger in the NFL coaches photo.

Doug Peterson is, he looks like a swinger. Yeah. And I mean that in all, all due respect. All due respect. Because it looks like he just enjoys life.

Dana Altman is the most underrated coach in America

Dana Altman my most underrated coach in America. I love how he coaches basketball. Dana Altman and the Oregon Ducks... Fun fact, Dana Altman is now 8-0 in first round NCAA tournaments. He is such a good coach and he has them overachieving every single year.

MLB will avoid banning Shohei Ohtani because he is too valuable to the league's revenue

It seems to me like baseball, given how much money they stand to make from Ohtani, really does not want to have to treat Ohtani like they would anyone. Can you imagine if it was a utility player that paid off four and a half million dollars? How fast would that guy be banned for baseball for life?

It is no longer possible to win a National Championship relying primarily on freshmen in the NIL/Portal era

Cal needs to change back because Jay Wright tonight said it the best because of NIL. These dudes are staying in college longer... You're gonna see good players stay in college for three and four years. And I just don't know if you can win with freshmen anymore because these... two of the starters on Oakland were 24 years old. We're starting three guys that are 18. That's a big difference.

Kentucky should not hire a coach like Dana Altman because the program requires a 'rockstar' personality

I think at this job though... you have to be a rockstar to be at this job. Like this is a hard job in the state of Kentucky. This is what we do. ... So you can't be like, Dana Altman looks like an accountant. You can't be an accountant. You have to be a rockstar.

Houston has the toughest second-round matchup of any 1-seed

I think Houston has the toughest matchup when it comes to second round games for the one seeds... Houston just because they're not healthy and, and the way they play... and A&M has guys that can score some buckets and, and so does Nebraska.

I am a better athlete than Hank, despite being nine years older than him

I honestly don't, like no offense to you, but I don't think it's like a washed up thing. I think just PFT and I are better athletes than you. We're nine years older than you and still better athletes than you. ... I beat you in every combine event.

Thursday and Friday of the NCAA Tournament are the best two sports days of the year

Tuesday, March 20th, and we are just 24 hours away from the best two days of the year... Thursday, Friday of, of the NCAA Tournament, because it's just all you think about the entire time.

I'm counting Anthony Edwards' dunk over John Collins as a real dunk even if the ball left his hand early

Was that a dunk? So all those dunks always inspiring. Yeah. When you, when you like zoom in, you're like, did the ball leave his hand beforehand, didn't touch the rim? I'm counting it as a dunk. Just 'cause I like cool sports moments like that where the world stopped to be like, did you see what Anthony Edwards just did?

Aaron Donald had as close to a perfect career as you could possibly have

Aaron Donald played 10 years in the NFL. He was a pro bowler all 10 years. He won Rookie of the Year. He won three time defensive player of the year and he was an eight time first team all pro selection... Aaron Donalds as close to a perfect career as you could possibly have minus the Super Bowl loss.

The Patriots Dynasty documentary was a hit piece intended to bury Bill Belichick

It was very clearly pointed and it was meant to make Robert Kraft look like the, the benevolent father who kept it all together... and it made Belichick look like he was like abusive. They, they made him look like he was abusive and negligent.

The Patriots documentary tried to make it look like Bill Belichick would have been fired if he lost the Super Bowl to the Rams, which is false

They also made it seem like, well, because, you know, bill did good. I had to, I told Tommy, Tommy knew like I had to sign Belichick... It made it seem like they were gonna fire Belichick if he lost that Super Bowl [to the Rams], which I don't think was ever gonna happen.

Malcolm Butler's silence on his benching suggests that he did something truly scandalous

The weird part to me is like the Malcolm Butler thing. Malcolm Butler has never said what he did. Right? So it has to be something that people would be like, 'whoa.' You know what I mean? Belichick will never say it. Malcolm Butler will never say it... doesn't it feel like if you got benched in that position and you literally did nothing, wouldn't you just be like, 'here's everything I did'?

The Royal Family exists solely as a group of people for everyone else to make fun of

The British people are fucking weirdos... I I kind of love the royal family because they're, they're the quintessential, like you can just make fun of 'em. Maybe that's what they're there for. They're not really there to give hope and meaning and optimism to the British people. Maybe they're just there to have like a group of people that you can just make fun of all the time.

This Michigan State team doesn't have the best version of itself needed to go on a typical Tom Izzo run

Every other team, I felt like there have been stretches through the season where Michigan State has shown the promise and then they just put it together in March. I don't feel like this year's team has really ever shown that... It's not that Izzo goes to the final four every year. It's that you have situations like last year they had no business beating Marquette. I just think that this year's team, their best version isn't really that good.

Arizona is the king of beating themselves in the tournament

Arizona, it is interesting because they feel like a program under Tommy Lloyd that has racked up a ton of wins... but they have underperformed in the NCAA Tournament the last few years. It does feel like a great draw for Arizona. But they can't get out of their own way. Both this particular team and them under Tommy Lloyd... they are the kings of beating themselves.

North Carolina is the most susceptible 1-seed in the tournament

I have North Carolina. North Carolina I think's the most susceptible one seed. Because they are, they are heavily reliant on Armando [Bacot]... and also he's not, he's just not that good... I think they're the most susceptible one.

Purdue fans are humorless goobers and dorks who have the demeanor of nerds without the intelligence

They [Purdue fans] are humorless goobers. They have the demeanor of nerds but not the intelligence. They're goobers. They're dorks. They have an inferiority complex with a superiority complex at the same time. Somehow it makes no sense... they know they're gonna fuck it up in March, but then they also puff their chest.

This is the year of the 'cold ass white boy' in college basketball

I've been saying it all year about this season of college basketball. It is the year of the cold ass white boy. And if all over college basketball, there are just white dudes that can light it up. And it's not just that they score a lot... they just got a little sauce to their game.

The 2024 NCAA Tournament committee is a bunch of sick perverts

Someone in that committee is a real sick pervert... The Pardon My Take region. It wasn't just that they had to put me versus PFT Wisconsin versus James Madison in the first round. They also put Vermont and Duke in the same quadrant.

UVA getting into the NCAA tournament is a disgusting decision

The sickest thing they did was put UVA in. Yeah, that's disgusting. UVA. So you should be ashamed of yourself.

Joe Lunardi hates his job and should be replaced by Steve Kornacki

Joe Lunardi has to work three weeks a year and he said goodnight at 10:57 during conference championship week on Friday night when there was like six games left. What is up with this guy?... What he needs to realize is that with one snap of the fingers that freak Steve Kornacki could step into his job and do it better.

I wake up every day believing I have accomplished nothing

The only way I know how to live life is to go through every life, each and every day. Like I've accomplished nothing. And the way in life to accomplish everything is to wake up each and every day believing that you accomplish nothing.

The Bears organization failed Justin Fields

The Bears failed Justin Fields, it sucks that this is the way it ended. They set him up in a really bad spot in the fact that they drafted him with a coach that was already on the hot seat... Year two, the team was actively tanking... Year three, they were basically like, be so good Justin Fields that we will keep you go out and do it with an OC that doesn't really know how to use you.

The Bears were right to trade Justin Fields to prioritize Caleb Williams

I thought that they had to trade him. And I'm happy that he was traded just because Caleb Williams is the future. And you couldn't have done the Justin Fields Caleb Williams thing at the same time. And if you had kept him, maybe you could have gotten more for him when quarterbacks get injured. But that would've been a disaster for Caleb Williams.

You never win an overtime bet; it's where underdogs and unders go to die.

We could do without overtime though. [It] is a sword to the stomach if you have any sort of action. Because you never win an overtime bet. Never. Dogs die there, unders go to die there.

Kyle Neptune is not a good basketball coach and has to go

Kyle Neptune sucks at coaching basketball. You are not crazy. He got absolutely worked by Shaka Smart. The fact that he didn't call a timeout with 30 seconds left in the game... That guy is not a good basketball coach. Jay Wright would've won that game. It was disgusting... Kyle Neptune's gotta go.

Duke locking their Twitter comments after the NC State loss is the softest thing ever

It was also classic Duke, because after the game they did post the final score on Twitter. Yep. But they locked the comments. Yep. Classic, classic college shutting down free speech on in in America... I think it's better that they just don't post the final score than if they post it and then shut it down.

The Bears are a year away from being all in.

I think they're a year away from being all in. Okay. I think next year. I think the way that Ryan Poles is structuring this roster. Like he didn't go nuts in free agency.

You must wear a golf shirt to a golf tournament

I'm fine with crying. But you have to wear a golf shirt to a golf tournament... I don't think [there are many T-shirts]. Even sweatpants [are a problem].

If the Bears had drafted Patrick Mahomes, something tragic like being hit by a bus would have happened to him immediately because of the franchise's luck.

if we had Patrick Mahomes, he would've just been hit by a bus. Like crossing Michigan Ave just being like, bus hit him. Patrick Mahomes is dead. Something weird would've fallen from the L and hit him in the head. We would've not gotten lucky with him either. Something bad would've happened to him. Injury year one, probably.

Disney adults are weird and scary

I live in California. I live in Southern California. When I see all these people that have like yearly passes and I'm like, you guys have kids? And they're like, no. And I'm like, okay. I don't think we can talk anymore... It scares me.

Hollywood won't cast a ginger as a lead actor

I just think they don't, they're never gonna make a, a ginger a lead... something about orange men, they just, it's hard to lead a movie... if Bill Burr can't do it, I don't think I've got a shot.