Takes

The NFC does not have any bad teams this year

The NFC does not have, they have not great teams. They have, they have some bad, bad ish teams, but everyone's, I mean, the Saints are the worst team and they're frisky. Yeah. It's a better conference for sure. Yeah. It just feels like, like top to bottom.

The Colts are a legitimately good football team

The Colts are just fucking good. I don't know what else I, I feel like people are waiting for the shoe to drop. The Colts are five in one... Peyton Manning played on some really good offenses. They're good man. They're good. I, again, I think people are just waiting for it to not work, but I think they're just really good.

Losing close games consistently is a sign of bad coaching

If you keep losing close games, that's usually a sign of bad coaching. Yeah. And if you look at the teams that had the worst, like the, the most like one score losses last year, you're looking at guys like Matt Eberflus... That's usually a sign that that guy is probably not gonna stick around very long.

The 2025 Chiefs are a better team overall than the Super Bowl winning team from last year

It's a better team overall [the Chiefs]... now it's just gonna go back to Patrick Mahomes thinking that this game is very simple and everybody else being very frustrated. They're putting Mahomes under center now and they're handing the ball off and it's working really well.

The Mariners win over the Tigers in the ALDS was fueled by the 'Vibe Shift' of Humpy the Salmon winning his first race

This win goes as much to their stadium management crew as it does to the team on the field. Because T-Mobile Park was a dead zone. And then they did a second Salmon race... and Humpy the Salmon, a mascot who'd never won... his record was 0 and 162... Humpy won. Vibe shift entirely. Next inning, Mariners win.

The Cubs should bring home Kyle Schwarber

I would love [to get] Fram [and] Kyle Schwarber... Schwarber would be awesome. Bring him home. Be awesome.

The Penn State firing of James Franklin was necessary

James Franklin fired Penn State... You had to because Ir because they're gonna have to recruit and get, like, you can't fire your coach... where's he gonna get drafted? I don't, I don't know. He should've left late. He's gonna, he would've been a first round pick if he went last year.

Winning against the Commanders would be the threshold for starting to take the Bears' playoff chances seriously

If [the Bears] can find a way to win this game [against the Commanders], then I'll maybe start, maybe thinking to start thinking about playoffs. Still two steps away. And if they lose, it's gonna be like, let's see what happens.

Aaron Judge's postseason home run is a footnote if the Yankees don't win the series

Aaron Judge hit that home run. Listen, that one foot. I said it. If they [the Yankees] don't win that series, it is a footnote and it is absolutely a footnote.

Aaron Boone doesn't actually do anything for the Yankees besides chew on things

I don't really know what Aaron Boone does with that team besides just like chews. He just chews stuff. Yeah, he's like a dog. If you leave him alone, he, and there's something in front of him, he will pick it up in his mouth and he will chew it. But outside of that, I don't know what his day-to-day is.

The New York Giants are finally fun to watch

The New York Giants are fun as fuck. It's weird, isn't it? You expect them to occasionally pop up and be a good football team, but in a very boring way. And this is a team that like, I wanna watch more Giants football games.

The 2024 Eagles roster is better than the 2022 Super Bowl team

They're [the Eagles] better than they were two years ago... I'm pretty sure they are. They just won a Super Bowl and the roster's pretty similar.

The Dolphins' failure to kick the field goal for 70 points against the Broncos cursed their franchise

I'm beginning to think that when he did not go for a field goal at the end of that game... he decided he was not going to set the all time NFL scoring record. It's a curse that cursed the Dolphins from that point on.

Travis Hunter the wide receiver would beat Travis Hunter the cornerback

Travis Hunter, the wide receiver we think could beat Travis Hunter the cornerback. Yes. Get toasted.

The Lions are a stock that only goes up; I will keep betting them every week

The Lions in their last 50 games are 36 and 13 and one against the spread. That's a stock that you just see. It's like Nvidia... I think I keep betting 'em.

The Lions might be the best team in football

If you throw that [Packers] game out, you would look at this [Lions] team and be like, they might be the best team in football. Yeah. And I would not, I would not argue with you about that.

Jonathan Taylor is a top-three human being in the entire world

He is a workhorse, and what he's done in the NFL too is awesome to see. And man, his ability speaks volumes and he's even a way better person than he is a player too. Like, no, he is the most genuine human being. [He's a top three human] in my opinion. [In the entire world].

Statcast measurements for home run distances are a lie

Stack Cast said [the Aaron Judge home run went] like 473. I don't believe that for a second. ... When they say like 373 feet on their like internal measurement system, there's no way that was only 373 feet, right? No, I don't believe any of that.

The Blue Jays are the only team with the mental criteria to beat the Dodgers in the World Series

I ran a mental simulation last night to, 'cause I was pissed off. 'cause it seems like the Dodgers were gonna win the World Series and there's nothing anybody else could do about it. I did 2000 mental simulations. I was laying in bed envisioning a team that I could picture beating the Dodgers in the World Series. And the only team that fits my mental criteria is the Blue Jays.

MLB is rigging playoff games and juicing baseballs to extend series

If the Yankees had got swept, it's in like MLB needs to do something territory. Someone's, you know, someone's gotta extend a series. ... I'm saying like MLB is gonna rig games to advance the series. ... when the Brewers and Dodgers are pitching, they'd give him the, the juiced ones.

Cheating in baseball is legal as long as it doesn't involve electronics or batteries

Cheating in baseball is legal except if you use electronics. That's my, that's my rule. Like use electronics then at that, if a battery is involved, then that's against the rules.

The Bucks leaked the Giannis Antetokounmpo trade rumors to attract teams with better draft assets

I think the Bucks leaked this because they wanna move on from Giannis so they could rebuild. The Knicks don't have any first round picks. So they want a team that has first round picks to be like, oh, he is available for trade, let me come in. ... and there was also a report that his wife's moving to Greece, so he might go play in Greece.

Rob Thomson is coaching the Phillies like a loser

Rob Thompson is coaching like a loser. ... His reasoning for Aaron Nola is that he's a, he's a big time pitcher. Ranger Suarez is a big time pitcher. Pitch your best guys. ... it's the momentum that, that just really pissed me off. Is that it was the first time the stadium was feeling something and just ride it. Just ride it.

The Chiefs have regressed into a normal good football team that loses like everyone else

It's that the Chiefs, they're starting to lose games in ways that are familiar to every other team out there to every other fan base. It's they, they look like all of us now. ... I'm starting to think that it, it might kind of be their, their regression back to being just like kind of a normal good football team.

The NFL should have a commissioner for every division to run PR and attack ads

Wouldn't it be cool if there was a commissioner for each division? I mean, just had like commercials and stuff and you're like, yeah, hey, here at the AFC South, we actually played winning football now. ... I just wanna watch a football game and see just an attack ad on a certain division. Like, 'The NFC South sucks... they have the Bucs, but what else?'

Conor McDavid's team-friendly contract was designed to make him easily tradable to a contender

This seems like it would be very easily tradable. Very, very easily tradable contract. He basically, I mean smart by him. If in a year and a half the Oilers aren't competing and he can go somewhere for a year and a half and it doesn't fuck up some team's cap.

Jalen Hurts catching his own Hail Mary rebound would be the coolest play in sports history

The wide angle of the Hail Mary came out and Jalen Hurts tried to get his own rebound. ... I'll say this right now, if that ever happens, that will be the coolest play in all of sports. ... That was sports history. If there, the fact that he got as far down as he did was... if there was a, if there was two bobs, he would've been there.

Arch Manning looks like an unpolished freshman and is not ready for the SEC

I thought like the last few years sitting on the bench developing behind Quinn Ewers is like we were gonna see a much more polished player than what we have seen to this point. He just looks like a freshman even though he is now in his third year on campus. So I think that is very alarming.

Billy Napier is the best coach ever when his back is against the wall and he's almost fired

Billy Napier with his back against the wall might be the best coach ever. He literally just, just get him, get him almost fired and he'll start performing.

Ohio State's defense is definitively better than it was last year

I do think there is an argument to be made that the defense is better than last year's defense. I think [Jim Knowles] is just confusing the ever living crap out of all the quarterbacks that he has faced so far. ... Once they get to the red zone, they're just absolutely clamping down and not giving up anything.

The adults and coaches set the tone for a program, not the players

People always saying, well, players nowadays bullshit. Right? It the adults, the adults set the tone right and the players will follow. And we have the right kind of players with the right kind of mentality is full throttle every day, man. And you and you're honest, don't, we don't sugarcoat anything.

Awarding the Heisman Trophy before postseason games are played is bizarre

The only thing I would wish for the Heisman Trophy that it was awarded when all the games were done. That whole award before these postseason games are played is absolutely bizarre to me. Like, I don't, I can't comprehend it. Never will.

The Patriots have officially taken back control of the AFC East

Touchdown would be great. And the torch will be passed. It's, it's our, it's our division once again. Officially a torch passing.

The Denver Broncos are for real after their win against the Eagles

It felt like one of those, Hey, this is the win the Broncos needed... the Broncos are for real.

The Eagles' loss was due to an absolute gauntlet of a schedule catching up with them

I will say that the Eagles also have played just an absolute gauntlet of a schedule so far... at some point that caught up with them a little bit. And the Broncos are good enough to take advantage of that.

Dak Prescott is definitively in the MVP conversation

Dak is playing very good football... I would disagree with [Booger McFarland] because there's a couple guys who it's definitely close with, but Dak is definitely in the MVP conversation right now.

Daniel Jones is a Pro Bowl quarterback

Daniel Jones, he's playing fast and he's like, he's super confident... Let's just talk about Daniel Jones is a Pro Bowl quarterback. He's good at football.

The Panthers' comeback win shows they haven't quit on the season

This was a passing of the torch of like, which team is gonna quit on the season? Because there was a moment in this game where it was 17-nothing [Dolphins], and then the Panthers ended up winning 27-24. So for a moment it was like, the Panthers are going to quit on this season. And then they took that torch and they're like, no, you quit on this season.

Patrick Ricard is the most important player in the Ravens' backfield

I think that the conversation is Patrick Ricard. He's a fullback. Patrick Ricard is the most important running back on the Ravens slash tight end slash fullback. Without him out there blocking for Derrick [Henry], it's a lot harder.

I am officially sick of the Cardinals' shit

I'm sick of the Cardinals' shit. I'm just am. It's not good. I just, I I am, I don't... I'm just, I'm done with the Cardinal shit. It's been a long time since I've like truly enjoyed watching the Cardinals play football.

Jake Browning is exciting because you never know how bad his interceptions can get

I think he might now have flipped over into the side of quarterback where he's excited to watch because you don't, you just don't know how much worse the interceptions can get.

Jaden Daniels is officially 'the bad man' and is back to his elite form

Jaden's back. Jaden's back. He looked good and he looked great. Especially after he changed the cleats... I think the bad man's back. He's the bad man, but good guy. Great guy.

The Buccaneers are the most fun team in the NFL

The Bucks are the funnest team in the NFL bar none. So much fun to watch. Not even close.

The Cardinals' loss was the most fun 'loss of the week'

Cardinals [is loss of the week]... that was the most fun loss. No, that was my favorite loss. That's your definition of the loss of the week. This is mine.

The Yankees should not celebrate a wild card win

I don't think that the Yankees should celebrate winning a wild card round... I think every other team can do it. You're the New York Yankees. You're supposed to be the Yankees. The standard shouldn't just be winning a wild card series.

Pitching Matthew Boyd on short rest was an inexplicable mistake by Craig Counsell

Craig Counsell decided to pitch [Matthew Boyd] on short rest game one. He got absolutely lit up... I don't understand it. Why wouldn't you go bullpen? ... I feel like every short rest is always a disadvantage.

Mac Jones should stay sidelined with his injury to maximize his free-agent value as a backup

[Mac Jones] should really lean in to the leg injury. Yes. And be like, 'I'm too sore. Please sit me out.' I'm due to make millions of dollars on the open market. At the very least as a, as a great backup.

Aaron Judge will never be a true Yankee unless he wins a World Series

Aaron Judge has to win. He has to. Aaron Judge will not, he will not ever be a true Yankee... [he] has to win a World Series or else. Not a true Yankee. Probably not even. I'll take him out of the Hall of Fame. I won't vote for him.

The Tigers' series win erased the memory of the Guardians' historic 15.5-game comeback

Did the Tigers just erase that entire 15 and a half game comeback? I unfortunately think yes... when you lose then to the Tigers in three games, that's brutal. You caught them to then get the right to lose to them at home. You kept them alive to allow them to embarrass you.

The Cubs should always play afternoon playoff games and the Phillies should always play night games

I have a take about the Cubs games. I think the playoffs, whenever possible the Cubs should play afternoon games. And the Phillies should play night games... Because Wrigley Field looks awesome. Especially like in the sunset... the stadium is perfect for Twilight. And then Philly, the SEC environment... it works at the bank.