Takes

The 2018 first weekend was the craziest in NCAA tournament history

I actually I'm gonna say it: it was the craziest first weekend in tournament history. We had the first ever 16 beat a one... you had two seeds that both could have won the tournament, UNC and Cincy, and then you had two three seeds, Michigan State and Tennessee, who lost.

Kentucky has the easiest path to the Final Four in 2018

Kentucky could not have had a better bracket. Now with everyone imploding in their bracket, they have to get to the Final Four. Because they have no choice now. They have the easiest path to the Final Four.

The Syracuse zone is the college basketball equivalent of Navy's triple-option offense

I compare the Syracuse zone to Georgia Tech's offense or Navy's offense in football. It's not fun to watch. It's not especially exciting. But it's so much different from everything else that you see all year that a team that plays that zone can beat any team in the country a couple times out of ten.

Deandre Ayton and Allonzo Trier checked out of the Arizona program early for the NBA

I thought in Arizona it was disinterest. I thought they thought, okay, we'll play this game, but then it got to be too much hard work... I think Trier and the big kid [Deandre] Ayton had said they're going to the NBA. I think they just checked out.

Miles Bridges doesn't have a versatile game and is just a jump shooter

Everybody tells me how good Miles Bridges is, right? He's great. And I've said he doesn't really have a game. He's a jump shooter. He's a really nice kid... but how – if you're supposed to be an NBA lottery pick... you've got to be able to go in the middle of a zone.

Villanova is the best team in the 2018 NCAA tournament

Nova, absolutely. Nova's the best team in the thing so far, I think.

I chose retirement to avoid moving my family for a one-year deal

It's going to be a one year deal. So it's probably going to only be for six months. And then I'm going to move back to Nebraska... If I was going to play, I felt like it was going to be me being a little bit selfish because it's been about me the last 10 years. So maybe it's time to be about my family a little bit more.

Tom Crean will never have an FBI scandal because he is 100% above board.

There's zero chance that Georgia gets caught up in an FBI scandal with Tom Crean. Because that guy is above board 100%.

Jimmy Graham is over the hill and past his prime.

I think Jimmy Graham's over the hill. I'll sit on that take, and I'll probably be wrong, but I'm happy to say it.

Don't bet every game of the NCAA Tournament if you want to win money.

You survive March Madness by not betting every game... You can't bet every game and beat these guys. The lines are too tough.

John Skipper's story about leaving ESPN due to cocaine extortion is missing key details.

I don't believe this is the full story. So my PR 101 would be maybe tell the whole story because now people are going to be like, huh, that seems a little odd. You were infrequent and you were careful. And then all of a sudden some random drug dealer was like [going to extort you].

Jon Gruden is a fun coach and person if you have the right mindset.

If you have a problem with John Gruden, that's about your mindset. You have a post-1999 mindset, and you need a flashback. [To me] he is a fun guy.

Kirk Cousins is just a more reliable version of Case Keenum

The Vikings have decided that they wanted to upgrade from Case Keenum to maybe a more reliable Case Keenum. Kirk Cousins is not that much different... lightning in a bottle Case Keenum, I think is the same as Kirk Cousins.

Kirk Cousins is only good enough to take a team exactly where they already were

As somebody who's watched a lot of Kirk Cousins games over the past like five years, he is just good enough to get you exactly where you got last [year].

Virginia is the best team in college basketball but losing DeAndre Hunter is a massive blow

I think [Virginia] were definitely the best team in college basketball... But this injury does matter a lot. DeAndre Hunter was one of the guys that made me optimistic about this Virginia team versus their teams of the past.

Xavier is the weakest #1 seed and lucky to be there

Xavier's definitely the weakest one seed. I don't love teams that don't play defense in March... Xavier feels like one of those teams to me that their defense is going to come catch up to them. They're going to look really bad.

Jordy Nelson is Bill Belichick's wet dream

I'm more interested about Jordy Nelson because if he's still capable of playing how he played two years ago before he got injured, he is Bill Belichick's wet dream. Belichick is going to send in a SWAT team to just kidnap him.

The Warriors' greatness allows them to openly disrespect the rest of the league

I love any team that reaches that level of greatness where they can blatantly just spit in your face and say, you're not going to beat us... We get drunk. We can skip games. We skip practices. This is all just a formality for us because when it comes to the playoffs, we're going to kick your ass.

CBS ruined Selection Sunday by using alphabetical order for the bracket reveal

The Selection Sunday show was fucking terrible. They had alphabetical order, which was so stupid. We basically sat there like, what's going on? And then three or four times said, wait, is that team in or out? Because you just keep missing teams and there's no bracket. Then they make you wait for the bracket. Then there's technical difficulties. Fuck everything. They ruined one of the best things in sports.

Notre Dame was robbed of a tournament spot because they have the potential to make a run

Notre Dame should have been in. I know the selection committee says, well, road wins matter, and conference, how are you doing your conference, and the Q1 wins. The other pieces to it should be, can this team make a run? And Notre Dame was one of those teams.

Bet the favorite in the second half if they are losing at halftime

If a favorite is losing in the first half, you just bet the favorite in the second half. That's it. I invented that last year.

Reggie Bush is still the 2005 Heisman winner despite the vacated trophy

Reggie Bush was the Heisman that year. That's my guy. But he's still the Heisman in my book.

College athletes should get paid because they put their bodies on the line to raise money for universities

Yes, they should get paid. I mean, they're putting their body on the line. They're doing all of the above and raising money and putting money in your pocket. I mean, you should do something, especially for the guys that get hurt.

My NFL career would have been much different with a coach other than Jeff Fisher

Definitely, definitely [it would have gone differently with a different coach]. I don't put nothing on Coach Fish. He had a little bit of something to do with it. But, I mean, I always put myself and blame myself.

Jarvis Landry and Josh Gordon are the best wide receiver duo in the NFL

I saw somebody on Twitter say Jarvis Landry and Josh Gordon are probably the best wide receiver duo in the NFL, and I would agree with that if it wasn't the Browns. There's just something about the uniform that will make both of them – their powers combined is the opposite of synergy. It makes them suck more.

Russell Wilson is a top seven quarterback

Russ Wilson is still, I don't want to get in the offseason elite question, but I would say he's top seven quarterback.

Kirk Cousins is the perfect fit for the Denver Broncos

I just feel like Denver is just a perfect fit for Kirk [Cousins]. Not only just from my point of view, but if you just sit down and you look at it, it really doesn't get any better than that.

Russell Wilson is the hardest quarterback to play against

Probably Russell Wilson... Just because he just breaks up the plays and you never get a hand on him? Yeah, he don't get tired, man. He run left, right, left, right... with Russell Wilson, he's trying to take the distance every single time.

College basketball and the Little League World Series have the most in-game crying in sports

I don't know what it is, but it's college basketball has the most. It's probably it's Little League World Series and then college basketball for most tears in game.

Teams with celebratory benches are the most likely to cry after a loss

I like the teams that are the ones that get celebrated early in the year as having the best bench... Those teams are full of criers. If you show that much emotion after a late first half three-pointer, then you're going to turn the waterworks on when you lose in your conference semifinals.

The Thursday noon game in the NCAA tournament is a fan's death sentence

The Thursday noon game, if your team gets that, it's a death sentence. You get really drunk on Friday, and then you can watch your team on Sunday hungover.

Ed Hochuli's retirement is a major blow to the NFL's masculinity

My hot seat is NFL's masculinity. Ed Hochuli retired. He's gone. There's going to be no more giant arms coming at you every Sunday, so I don't know what NFL's going to do. They need someone to fill the void of just a jacked, jacked ref.

Pizza Hut deserves more recognition now that they are the official NFL sponsor

My cool throne is Pizza Hut. We didn't really talk about this on the show last week, but Pizza Hut is now the official sponsor of the NFL. And that's huge because Pizza Hut's delicious, and I'm just happy that they're getting the recognition they deserve.

Taco Bell's CEO is the perfect hire for Chipotle

Chipotle just hired Taco Bell's CEO. And we all know that Taco Bell never causes any sort of intestinal discomfort. ... It's really the only hire that you can make if you're Chipotle. Like, who else in America knows how to package tortillas, rice, tomatoes, cheese, meat, and sour cream?

No one will run on Jon Lester because they're afraid of being picked off by a bounce throw

So John Lester's on the cool throne. He is going to unveil a new bounce throw to first base. ... You can't be the guy who gets picked off from a bounce throw. So now you got to be thinking about that in the back of your head. Don't run on Jon Lester because the embarrassment will be suffocating.

Tony Romo was surprisingly good in his first year as an announcer

I swear to God on the lives of everyone I love, I was absolutely blown away at how good [Tony Romo] was. I really was. I was predicting he was going to have a tough transition because you have to be loud and you have to be kind of over the top... I thought he was fantastic.

NFL replays are too long and break the game's momentum

I think the replays are too long. It's too hair-splitting. It breaks up the momentum and the pace of a game. And I think eventually people are like... Just move on.

The NFL catch rule fails the eye test even if the letter of the law is technically followed

The Calvin Johnson one that kind of started all this... Against the Bears was like he made a catch, went to the ground, basically went to his locker, and the ball fell out. And they're like, nope, not a catch. It was a catch. Same with the Dez Bryant game... by the letter of the law, yeah, they're not catches. But the law is not right. It doesn't pass the eye test.

Mike Matheny is a 'big dum-dum' manager

Mike Matheny. Yeah, I think he's a dummy. He's a big dum-dum. So wrong. Yeah, big dum-dum.

Oracle Park in San Francisco is leaps and bounds better than any other new ballpark

I think San Francisco, of all the new ballparks, is... Leaps and bounds. But the worse your seat is, the better your view. You're looking out into the bay.

Eating steroid-contaminated meat is a smart off-season move for athletes

Canelo Alvarez, who tested positive for steroids. And he said it was actually because he was eating too many Mexican cows. ... I actually think this played. ... that's actually a smart thing to do is you just go in the off season, eat Mexican cows, and then when you get busted, be like, well, sorry. All I did was eat Mexican cows.

Bullpen carts are the only thing baseball is currently doing right

The bullpen cart is back, which is incredible. Like baseball finally doing something right. I don't care about pace of play. I really don't. ... It speeds up the game when it really probably takes four seconds off, maybe.

Morning sex is the best kind of sex, especially in a hotel

I'm going to go on the record. Morning sex is the best sex there is. Hotel sex. In the morning. Ooh. Double threat.

Men and women should never stop grooming their pubic hair

What is the age where it is normal that you stop shaving or waxing your pubes? ... Never is the answer. ... I think you always ... Guys and girls. You got to keep it together down there. I mean, would you let your lawn just go unkempt?

October is the best sports month, but March is a close second

I think October is probably my favorite month in terms of sports because you have football and baseball playoffs. But March is pretty close because there is nothing like wall-to-wall college basketball and championship week.

Scouts will reasonably drop Shaquem Griffin in the draft because he only has one hand

I can't wait for people to get mad when he falls in the draft a little bit. Look, I think he's a good player, and he did well at the Combine, but he does not have one hand. So, like, I think... That's a fair criticism to throw out there. That doesn't mean that he's not going to be a good NFL player, but I think most scouts would probably say, I'd prefer two hands than one.

The Chicago Bears have the best fans in the NFL

Who has the best fans in the NFL? Chicago. That's an easy one. I'm positive.

Success for the 2018 Bears means beating the Green Bay Packers

What's success look like in 2018? Beat the Packers. There we go.

Chili is not a soup

Is chowder a soup? Is chili a soup? Chili's not a soup. Chili is a chili. You eat it with a spoon, it's soupy. No, but you don't call clam chowder soup. Just trust me. Chili's not a soup. If I say that chili's a soup, do you know how many chili fans there are on the internet? They're the fucking worst.

James Harden didn't just break Wesley Johnson's ankles, he snatched his soul by making the shot

It's so cocky because I think we all agree, if James Harden misses that shot... the soul-taking doesn't take place. It's just an ankle-breaking. When you make the shot, it's a soul snatch. And so James Harden was so cocky and just like, I'm just going to stand here for an extra beat.