Takes

Only the reigning World Series champions should be allowed to wear pinstripes

Pinstripes have become too prominent in baseball. Nine teams wear pinstripes and it sucks... Only the team that wins the World Series gets pinstripes for the entire next year. You have to beat the man to be the man and get the stripes.

The Washington Nationals are a wagon

The Nationals are a wagon. Especially, I saw this fact earlier, when they're wearing those blue... color rush uniforms, they're 20-1.

LeBron James' statement on China was so bad he could have claimed it was 'Opposite Day' 10 minutes later

He actually – it was such a bad statement that if he had come back and 10 minutes later been like not or like opposite day, he would have been good. He would have been good if he was like everything I said, that was a joke. I meant the opposite of that.

Perfecting NFL refereeing would destroy 90% of sports conversation

If they ever do get sky judge, if they do ever perfect refereeing in the NFL... Like 90% of our conversations, day-to-day conversations will be gone. Because if you're a sports fan, what are the things that you can blame your team on sucking? ... If you eliminate refs, now everyone's going to have to come to the realization that, hey, maybe my guys aren't my guys.

The NFL should pay referees enough money to make officiating their full-time job

Just pay the refs a shitload of money and have them have it be their full-time job and then also have their phone numbers on the back of their jerseys so we can all text them when they fuck up.

The Yankees would be an easier World Series matchup for the Nationals than the Astros

I'm rooting for whoever makes it easier for the Nationals. ... That would probably be the Yankees, to be honest. I would rather see the Yankees.

I am done with U.S. Men's Soccer after the loss to Canada

Just when you think it couldn't get worse, we lose to Canada. ... I'm done with the U.S. soccer until they start fucking just doing anything. ... I'm done being embarrassed. I want them to be good.

It is much better to be a shithead at 22 than to have your life together in your 20s and turn into one at 30

It's way better to be a shithead when you're 22 and you don't have any power, you don't have enough money to get yourself in serious trouble than it is to have all your shit together throughout your 20s. Then you turn 30, you're established, maybe you've got a couple dollars in your pocket, and then you turn into a shithead, you're much more dangerous at that point in life.

The worse a sports franchise is, the more music and zaniness they pump into the stadium experience

The more your franchise stinks, the more music and zaniness on the field in between plays. ... the fucking speaker, the shit they were pumping out [at FedEx Field] was literally playing Twisted Sister. ... It becomes like when you're in a bar and you're hitting on some chick and you're just screaming in her ear.

PNC Park in Pittsburgh is the best new baseball stadium in America

I'd have to say that the best new one that I went to is Pittsburgh. It's just the view of the bridges... It's just a shame their ownership is just running it like the Nestle Corporation.

Hockey is the best sport because it's a 'loner' sport that doesn't get mainstream respect

I enjoy hockey. That's probably my number one. ... I love it because it's also like it's never been the sport in this country. It's rogue. It's sort of outside. There's a loner sort of thing to it. ... It's more like a stand-up comic.

Lambeau Field is the best football stadium

Lambeau. Lambeau and then also old Dallas Cowboys Stadium because I loved Tom Landry Cowboys when they were like [a] disrespectful franchise that did coke and banged hookers.

There is nothing better than having action on a game

There's nothing better than having action on a game. I can't understand people [who don't]. ... I got buddies of mine that if there's a game they don't give a shit about, they put money on it so they will.

NFL officials are individually better than ever, but overall officiating is worse

I think the officials from top to bottom are better, but the officiating is worse. And, you know, it's been created by replay. It's created by a system that's called 'O to O' Officials to Officials. They now have the replay guy in their ear. They have New York in their ear. It's easier to sit back and think that things are going to be corrected for you.

Jameis Winston is the funniest physical comedian in NFL history

This was, in my mind, the quintessential Jameis Winston performance. He is the funniest person I have ever watched in my entire life when it comes to physical comedy. His body makes no sense. He flails everywhere. He had five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, lost one of them. He started the game first play pick. Ended the game, last play pick.

Kyle Allen is a legitimate quarterback and has created a controversy for Cam Newton

Kyle Allen has played so well that it's legitimate to say this team, he hasn't lost... if [Cam Newton] comes back, will he be 100% healthy or will he be like – oh, he's 100% healthy, but it's clear that there's still a shoulder issue because if that's the case, then Kyle Allen may be a better quarterback than him.

Freddie Kitchens is the root of all the problems in Cleveland

I think that [Kitchens] is ultimately the root of all the problems that are going on out there in Cleveland.

The Houston Texans are officially for real

I am ready to say the Houston Texans are for real. They're for real. Okay. Yep. That's it... This road win in Arrowhead... I am officially saying I respect the Houston Texans, and I think they are very good.

The Eagles should trade for Jalen Ramsey because he fixes their secondary immediately

If I were the Eagles, I would trade for Jalen Ramsey just because he's the type of guy that can make everything better just by him being able to lock down one guy. And then now you don't have these guys getting picked on just – I mean – I think it was the second quarter when the Vikings just like we're just going to pick on their secondary.

The San Francisco 49ers are officially for real

I'm instead going to use this time to say... I believe in the 49ers now. I apologize to the 49ers. I picked against them almost every single week. Their defense is very, very good. And George Kittle is the best tight end in the NFL.

Kyler Murray was awesome and played with a college-style advantage against the Falcons

Kyler Murray was awesome defensively. And the Falcons, a quick update for you... there were many times where they would show the like a pass catcher, get the ball from Kyler Murray. And there wasn't a single defender in the screen. And that is the sign of a college football defense where you just – we call them college football plays where it looks like there just isn't a secondary out there.

The Falcons need to blow up their entire roster and fire Dan Quinn

The Falcons are, blow it up it's too it's just get them all out of my face... fire Dan Quinn and start over. Keep Matt Ryan, but everything else, just bring it down to the fucking bolts and just build it back up.

Matt Ryan is part of the problem and needs to be flushed along with the rest of the Falcons

Matt Ryan, his brain was broken. He's part of it. Like it or not, he's a talented quarterback, but he's part of the Atlanta Falcons, their descent into madness. And he might be the shiniest turd in the punch bowl... but you still got to flush him.

Zion Williamson shooting 80% in the preseason is incredibly impressive

Last three preseason games, 77 points in 81 minutes and 29 for 36 field goals, shooting 80%... 80% is pretty damn good, I would say.

Wisconsin and Ohio State should play on aggregate like the Champions League

They should do it on aggregate, like they do in the Champions League... I've already convinced myself, PFT, that we have a two-game series against Ohio State. So, go to Columbus, get your recon in, maybe lose that game, but learn a lot, and then beat them in Indy.

Clayton Kershaw is not a dominant playoff pitcher

I am starting to think that Clayton Kershaw is not good in the playoffs. Kershaw, yikes... He's not dominant Clayton Kershaw anymore. Still very, very good, but he's not like Clayton Kershaw of five years ago.

Atlanta is the saddest sports city on Earth

Atlanta is truly the saddest place on Earth with sports... They gave up 10 runs first inning. I've never seen anything like that... 28 to 3 Super Bowl, which is the biggest collapse maybe in sports history... The Braves won 14 straight division titles and they had one World Series to show for it.

The 49ers will struggle to maintain their offense without fullback Kyle Juszczyk

The 49ers lost a very key component to their attack in Monday night. They lost their fullback Kyle Juszczyk... they're going to struggle to fill that role because Juszczyk is really, really good.

The Redskins should never be favored by more than 3 points against any NFL team

The Redskins shouldn't be three and a half point favorites against anyone. And then you can make yours even if you lose and the Redskins win by 14 you'd be like: Guess what? I'd do it again.

DeAndre Hopkins has the best hands in NFL history

Definitely my boy [DeAndre Hopkins] man. I mean, there ain't nobody in the game—I don't think anybody in history—got better hands than [Hopkins]. He's the only receiver ever done it when he had zero drops in one season, 115 catches. That's pretty crazy.

Notre Dame is officially back

I think that just showed the world that we [Notre Dame] that we are contenders, we could play anybody... like you said, we back now, we playing good now.

ESPN essentially gifted China territorial rights to an island by using an inaccurate map

The map that ESPN showed had the nine-dash line at the bottom right corner of China... which isn't on a map and it's not even a real thing. But the fact that they were fed this map means that ESPN is now giving territorial rights to the South China Sea to China, which they don't own. So ESPN just basically gifted China an island on national television today.

Dan Snyder will outlive me as the owner of the Redskins

Dan Snyder... is going to outlive me. I've accepted it. He's either made a deal with the devil or he's got like a blood-sucking operation where he gets rejuvenated with the blood of 13-year-olds every two weeks.

Baker Mayfield's silence on the Richard Sherman handshake controversy speaks volumes

[Baker Mayfield] has not addressed the handshake controversy brought to light by Richard Sherman. I would say his silence speaks volumes.

Freddie Kitchens has 'coordinator face' and 'coordinator bod' rather than looking like a head coach

[Freddie Kitchens] has got coordinator face. He's got coordinator bod. He does not look like, I don't know what, [a head coach]. Maybe he needs to go. We need to [make over] football coaches that have coordinator face into head football coaches.

I am not a believer in the 2019 Baltimore Ravens

The AFC North stinks. I'm not a believer in the Baltimore Ravens.

The 49ers are a 'good, good football team'

I think we need to actually give more credit to the 49ers. Yes, because the 49ers are a good, good football team. The difference between Kyle Shanahan's offense and Freddie Kitchens was like they were playing two totally different games.

Minnesota is low-key the saddest sports city in America

[The Twins] have lost, was it 15 straight postseason games? ... All of Minnesota, they're borderline the most cursed sports city of all time. I've said that. They are low-key the saddest sports city when people always go to Cleveland or Buffalo.

The best actors are actually not acting at all

Acting is the absence of acting. It's believing in the truth of the moment you're creating at that time with your heart without thinking.

Deja vu is when your mind picks up something before your brain does

A deja vu is when your mind picks up something before your brain does. Then when your brain picks it up, it's like, I've been here before. This has happened before.

The word L-I-F-E stands for 'Living In Forever Eternity'

Life, L-I-F-E, stands for living in forever eternity. It's not ever over.

Hell is a self-imposed condition created by yourself

Hell is what you make it within yourself... So hell is a self-imposed condition... Hell is really something you create yourself.

NBA players and coaches should admit they only care about China's money

I would prefer if they just said: our money is paid in large part by China and all these people buying league pass. And it's a big fucking country. And we're trying to sell a shitload of Kobe jerseys. So therefore, we are going to remove ourselves from this discussion.

The Jaguars should trade Nick Foles for a 6th round pick and go all in on Gardner Minshew

Trade Nick Foles? Absolutely. Dude, I would trade him for a six-round conditional pick. ... [Gardner Minshew] is amazing. Why would I not be [all in]?

Pass interference flags are the dumbest rule the NFL has ever implemented

Can we talk about the fact that PI flags are the dumbest rule the NFL has ever done. I think it was put out there as a trick on coaches to see which coaches have the least amount of respect for the officiating crews... It slows the game down. There's never ever going to be an overturned.

Penalties occurring after a negated interception should not count

The rule that if you have like a excessive celebration or a, you know, Block in the back or something on an interception that gets negated. It shouldn't count. if the interception is negated everything after that should be allocated.

Frank Reich is on my list of coaches I love to bet on because he is always aggressive

Frank Reich is on my list of coaches I love to bet on because he's aggressive throughout the game... I honestly don't think there are more than a handful of franchises in the NFL that had their quarterback retired three weeks before the season would have been able to put together what the Colts were able to put [together].

The Drew Brees injury was the best thing to happen to the Saints because it removed the pressure

Drew Brees' injury was the best thing to happen to the Saints because it took all the pressure off this season... The Saints were the snake-bitten team with all the pressure in the world... He gets hurt and now it's like the old nobody believes in us theory.

I'm defending Mike Tomlin's decision to kick off in overtime against the Ravens

Mike Tomlin did the unthinkable and in overtime they did, they won the coin flip and they elected to kick... it actually makes sense... He said that his kick return team was so bad on Sunday that he knew that if he elected to receive they would have a very good chance of not moving the ball and then giving the Ravens great field position.

The Chicago Bears are officially fucked

The Bears are fucked. I don't feel like the future. I don't think they're fuck for we've gone all in and we have no offense and the schedule is going to be insanely hard coming up and they are not a well-balanced team... the Bears are officially fucked.