PMT DB
PMT DB
NFL Week 6 Recap: Jameis' Physical Comedy and a Restaurant for Magicians
Week 6 is nearly in the books and it was a masterpiece of disaster for the 2015 quarterback class. Between Marcus Mariota getting benched and Jameis Winston turning the London game into a personal Vaudeville routine, the guys had plenty to digest. PFT joined from an undisclosed location in Vancouver to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, while Big Cat tried to make sense of the carnage in the NFC South.
The Jameis Winston Experience
Jameis Winston in London was peak Jameis. He threw five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, and started and ended the game with picks. Big Cat couldn't look away from the physical comedy of it all, noting that Jameis' body seems to flail in directions that shouldn't be possible during a football game.
Big CatJameis Winston is the funniest physical comedian in NFL history
This was, in my mind, the quintessential Jameis Winston performance. He is the funniest person I have ever watched in my entire life when it comes to physical comedy. His body makes no sense. He flails everywhere. He had five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, lost one of them. He started the game first play pick. Ended the game, last play pick.
While the comedy is top-tier, the reality for the Buccaneers is bleak. With Bruce Arians looking like a disappointed stepfather on the sidelines, the era of Jameis as a franchise guy in Tampa seems to have reached its natural, turnover-filled conclusion.
Big CatIt is over for Jameis Winston in Tampa Bay
I can't wait for him to be a backup quarterback, but it's over in Tampa for him.
On the other side of that game, the Panthers are rolling with Kyle Allen. He’s 5-0 as a starter and hasn't thrown an interception yet. Big Cat pointed out that while Allen might not be more talented than a healthy Cam Newton, the fact that he's actually healthy and winning makes the impending return of Cam a massive headache for Ron Rivera.
Big CatKyle Allen is a legitimate quarterback and has created a controversy for Cam Newton
Kyle Allen has played so well that it's legitimate to say this team, he hasn't lost... if [Cam Newton] comes back, will he be 100% healthy or will he be like – oh, he's 100% healthy, but it's clear that there's still a shoulder issue because if that's the case, then Kyle Allen may be a better quarterback than him.
Fraud Alerts and Respect Meters
The Houston Texans went into Arrowhead and did something that finally forced Big Cat to open his heart to them. Deshaun Watson made plays with his feet, the offensive line actually held up, and they controlled the clock to keep Patrick Mahomes on the sideline.
Big CatThe Houston Texans are officially for real
I am ready to say the Houston Texans are for real. They're for real. Okay. Yep. That's it... This road win in Arrowhead... I am officially saying I respect the Houston Texans, and I think they are very good.
As the Texans rise, the Chiefs are sliding into a category no team wants to inhabit. For the second week in a row, a physical team came into their house and ran the ball down their throats. Big Cat isn't ready to call the offense bad, but the defense is officially earning a certain derogatory label.
Big CatThe Kansas City Chiefs are a soft football team
I'm going to say it again. I did say it last week that the S word, I'll say it. They're soft... When you can just go into a team's home environment... and run the ball like the Colts did and like the Texans did, you get the soft tag for me.
Meanwhile, the Ravens fans are once again in Big Cat's mentions after a shaky win over the Bengals. The "Fraud" tag is currently stuck to Baltimore like a bad smell, but Big Cat offered them a clear path to redemption through the gauntlet of their upcoming schedule.
Big CatI will remove the 'fraud' tag from the Ravens if they win one of their next two games against Seattle or New England
Ravens fans, I will take off the F-word tag I've put on your team. If you win one of the two next games, you're going to at Seattle and then you're playing at home against New England. If you win one of those games, I will now take the Ravens for real and I will eliminate the fraud tag. So those are personal prove it games for me.
Panic in the NFC West and South
The 49ers went into Los Angeles and absolutely suffocated the Rams, holding them to 0-for-13 on third and fourth downs. It was a performance so dominant that it forced a public apology from the PMT desk. Big Cat admitted he's been picking against them every week, but after seeing George Kittle dominate and that defense fly around, he's a believer.
Big CatThe San Francisco 49ers are officially for real
I'm instead going to use this time to say... I believe in the 49ers now. I apologize to the 49ers. I picked against them almost every single week. Their defense is very, very good. And George Kittle is the best tight end in the NFL.
Things are much uglier in Atlanta. After another heartbreaking loss featuring a missed extra point, the guys are ready to call for a total demolition of the Falcons. It's not just about firing Dan Quinn anymore; the rot has settled into the foundation.
Big CatThe Falcons need to blow up their entire roster and fire Dan Quinn
The Falcons are, blow it up it's too it's just get them all out of my face... fire Dan Quinn and start over. Keep Matt Ryan, but everything else, just bring it down to the fucking bolts and just build it back up.
PFT went a step further, arguing that even the franchise stalwarts like Matt Ryan are now part of the atmospheric failure in Atlanta.
PFT CommenterMatt Ryan is part of the problem and needs to be flushed along with the rest of the Falcons
Matt Ryan, his brain was broken. He's part of it. Like it or not, he's a talented quarterback, but he's part of the Atlanta Falcons, their descent into madness. And he might be the shiniest turd in the punch bowl... but you still got to flush him.
Who's Back and Monday Reading
Hank’s "Who's Back" featured a brutal self-own regarding Kevin Durant. While attending the Rolling Loud festival, Hank found himself standing right next to KD near some porta-potties. Instead of booking the future Hall of Famer for the show, Hank got a "heart flutter" and watched him drive away in a golf cart. Big Cat didn't let him off easy, DMing KD to confirm that Hank is, in fact, a baby back bitch.
Finally, the Monday Reading took us into the deep, dark corners of Reddit where a woman explained that her husband wants to sink their life savings into a restaurant designed specifically for magicians. The plan involves "levitating tables" and waiters who are trained to always name the Seven of Hearts. Big Cat and PFT were split on the business model, but they both agreed on the inevitable financial outcome for the family.
Big CatThe husband starting the magician restaurant is going to go bankrupt
Guess what? You're opening a magician's restaurant and you're putting all your life savings into it and your kids aren't going to college because their dad is going to be opening a magician's restaurant that's probably going to be pretty sweet until you go bankrupt like three months into it.
If your waiter disappears during the appetizer, he's probably not in the kitchen, he's just practicing his sleight of hand in the walk-in.
