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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Matt Ryan is part of the problem and needs to be flushed along with the rest of the Falcons

Matt Ryan, his brain was broken. He's part of it. Like it or not, he's a talented quarterback, but he's part of the Atlanta Falcons, their descent into madness. And he might be the shiniest turd in the punch bowl... but you still got to flush him.

Subjective evaluation of a player's role in a team's failure.

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Void
Oct 14, 2019
#17738
Big CatBig Cat

Jameis Winston is the funniest physical comedian in NFL history

This was, in my mind, the quintessential Jameis Winston performance. He is the funniest person I have ever watched in my entire life when it comes to physical comedy. His body makes no sense. He flails everywhere. He had five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, lost one of them. He started the game first play pick. Ended the game, last play pick.

Subjective, but Jameis Winston's 30-interception season is legendary for its chaotic nature.
Win
Oct 14, 2019
#17739
Big CatBig Cat

It is over for Jameis Winston in Tampa Bay

I can't wait for him to be a backup quarterback, but it's over in Tampa for him.

Winston was not re-signed by Tampa Bay following the 2019 season, replaced by Tom Brady.
Push
Oct 14, 2019
#20903
Big CatBig Cat

Kyle Allen is a legitimate quarterback and has created a controversy for Cam Newton

Kyle Allen has played so well that it's legitimate to say this team, he hasn't lost... if [Cam Newton] comes back, will he be 100% healthy or will he be like – oh, he's 100% healthy, but it's clear that there's still a shoulder issue because if that's the case, then Kyle Allen may be a better quarterback than him.

Kyle Allen eventually cooled off, and Cam Newton was released after the season, though both struggles were largely injury-related.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.