Dan Patrick + Mt Rushmore Of Moments We Wish Twitter Existed

The fan Tiger Woods hit with a golf ball is responsible for Tiger losing The Open

Tiger was back for a minute, and then he hit a guy with a golf ball, and everything fell apart from that moment on. I hope that guy's a real asshole, the guy that got hit. And I hope it affects him down the line. I hope it becomes like a Steve Bartman situation because he took something very important away from us. He took Tiger being in contention on the 18th hole of a major championship in the year of our Lord 2018 away from the world.

Nothing in sports compares to Tiger Woods being in contention on a major Sunday

When Tiger is involved in a major on Sunday, there's nothing like it in sports. And just to have those few moments... everyone was like, this actually could happen. Like Tiger could actually do it. He's wearing his Sunday red. Everyone was excited.

Tiger Woods has won a major in every country that has a Perkins restaurant

Tiger Woods has won a major tournament in every single country that has a Perkins restaurant. That's a fact. Well, there haven't been any majors played in Canada. I'll give it to him.

Joe Flacco's mobility is night and day compared to last year

Joe Flacco's mobility is night and day compared to last year. He's healthy now. Flacco is full speed. The difference is evident. No limitations as a scrambler. Or even on designed runs. So they're opening up the playbook for Flacco. They're going to let him show off the wheels.

Kawhi Leonard will hate Toronto and his uncle will continue to speak for him

Kawhi Leonard, does he like Toronto or not? It was reported that he hates it. He didn't leave his hotel room during the All-Star game. Will he or will he not stay or play or ever do anything else on a basketball court because no one's talked to him in like 10 months and his uncle has taken his brain and is now speaking for him.

Twitter would have caused the Cuban Missile Crisis to actually happen

The first one I have is the Cuban Missile Crisis. So the Cuban Missile Crisis, when the world is about to go in a nuclear standoff, I think Twitter might have actually had it happen. Like if JFK was tweeting at the Russians, like that probably would have caused the Cuban Missile Crisis to actually happen.

Tom Brady would have retired if the Patriots had beaten the Eagles in the Super Bowl

If they had won the Super Bowl this year [Super Bowl LII], I believe he retired. Because I think when Gisele said that to the CBS Morning Show, she wasn't provoked to talk about his concussions. She was putting the pressure on him, I think, to say, Tommy's had concussions. He's not going to listen to me, but maybe he'll listen to somebody else.

The Patriots only traded Jimmy Garoppolo because Tom Brady forced them to

It doesn't make sense what happened in New England. If you tell me that that organization all of a sudden said, we're not trading Garoppolo. You can't have Garoppolo. Then all of a sudden you could have Garoppolo for a second-round draft pick. It doesn't make sense. And then, you know, so Brady, if he's pushing them to say, look, I'm not retiring here. Get rid of the kid. It feels like now Brady's indebted to them a little bit because they did what it felt like he asked them to do.

I would take five LeBrons over five Michael Jordans in a prime matchup

[Big Cat]: Five MJs, five LeBrons. Who you got? Both in their prime. [Dan Patrick]: I'll take five LeBrons. LeBron's going to be as accomplished. The fact he went to eight straight NBA finals.

LeBron James didn't play a lick of defense in the 2017-18 season

He literally didn't play defense. There was many times where he literally did not play defense. He did not play defense in 2017-18. He didn't.

Michael Jordan could not survive in today's social media environment

Mike, Mike couldn't survive in today's social media. He wouldn't have done well with social media.

LeBron is building an 'All-Blame Team' of scapegoats to avoid criticism for the Lakers' upcoming season

I think LeBron is now just putting together the all blame team. He has put together the greatest blame team of all time. JaVale McGee, Lance Stevenson, Rondo, and Michael Beasley. LeBron James has no intentions of winning next year. He just has intentions of making sure no one blames him. He has now put together literally a super team of people that can be made fun of on Twitter so that we forget about LeBron James. He is the scapegoat.

Jimmy Garoppolo's date with a porn star was actually a charity auction win

The porn star won an auction, a charity auction, to spend an evening with Jimmy Garoppolo. So he was saving kids' lives by taking the porn star on a date. I don't know if this is true or not. In fact, it sounds exactly like something that you would make up to tell your girlfriend... I'm saying that what actually happened was the porn star paid a couple grand probably for a nice evening out on the town with a nice young quarterback.