Dana White + NFL Week 15

I would not swap Mitchell Trubisky's contract for Aaron Rodgers' right now

Big Cat, would you trade Mitchell Trubisky for Aaron Rodgers right now if you had to swap contracts? No. No. If we had to swap contracts, it would be over the cap. You don't read the fucking cap, idiot. I'm a fucking capologist.

Sean McVay's photographic memory is actually a curse when things go poorly

I think Sean McVay's photographic memory is a blessing and a curse because what do they always say? You have to have a short memory to get past the fucked up plays. So having a photographic memory is great when things are going really well. But then when things go really poorly, that's all you think about.

The Eagles cannot go back to Carson Wentz if Nick Foles runs the table and makes the playoffs

If Nick Foles runs the table here and the Eagles get into the playoffs and let's say he wins a game or two, how can you go back to Carson Wentz? This guy, like, that was a game 13.5-point underdogs. Everyone said the Eagles season was over. He's throwing jump balls to Alshon Jeffrey. He's getting the offense going.

I will cut off the tip of Big Cat's pinky if the Seahawks win the Super Bowl

I personally Dunchained the Seahawks. I think they were the inaugural Dunchain. And listen, Big Cat is being very, very accountable with his Texans Dunchain, saying that he will cut his pinky off. I just want to say I will be held accountable as well. If the Seahawks win the Super Bowl, I will cut off the tip of Big Cat's pinky.

Tom Brady's age is finally starting to catch up to him

I think there's a lot of factors in play. Brady might be—age might be catching up to him. [Big Cat: Are you worried?] Yes.

The Miami Dolphins might be the worst 7-7 team in NFL history

The Dolphins are the other team where it's like, this team is 7-7. They might be the worst 7-7 team in the history of the NFL. And I'm sure Dolphins fans will get upset about that. But actually, you'll probably agree with me. They make no sense.

I could throw for more than 57 yards in a regular NFL game

If you gave me a Nerf ball, I'd throw for more than 57 yards. [PFT: In an NFL game?] In an NFL game. I actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'd throw for more than 57 yards with a regular ball. I'd be a gunslinger. I'd just throw it every play. Really what I'd just do is screen pass, screen pass, screen pass.

Tito Ortiz is literally one of the dumbest human beings on planet earth

I think that [Oscar De La Hoya] is getting a lot of this information from Tito Ortiz who is literally and I'm not just saying this to be real he's one of the dumbest human beings on planet earth he's primate level this guy

Jon Jones would have been the LeBron of MMA if he had his personal life together

If you look at how good Jon Jones is, and if he had his personal life together, what a big star he'd be right now and how much money he would have made. He would have been the LeBron of this sport.

The 'Affliction' and 'True Religion' fashion days of the UFC were horrible

The affliction days were bad. The affliction days were bad. It was so funny you just said that to me because we were looking we were doing all these documentaries about the ufc... affliction horrible those days and the god what were those jeans true religion. Oh my God. I see the true religion jeans and all that stuff I'm like shoot me.

Mike Tomlin and Jason Garrett are the same coach: 'the dog in the fire saying this is fine'

Mike Tomlin and Jason Garrett are the dogs sitting in the fire saying this is fine at all times. They love to just stand on the sidelines and say to themselves, well, this time it's got to be different. Like we're doing the exact same thing we've done since the beginning of time, but this time it's going to work.

A documentary of Lenny Dykstra looking for God would be the most watched thing ever

This is the greatest story of all time. Lenny Dykstra's pursuit to find God. How is this not a Netflix documentary? This would be the most watched thing of all time. Lenny Dykstra just walking around the world looking for God.