PMT DB
PMT DB
March Madness Recap: Oral Roberts Magic, Sister Jean's Prayers, and Our Melting Brains
We have reached the point of the year where everyone in America has a busted bracket and the PMT crew has spent roughly 38 hours on the couch consuming nothing but Tums, Coors Light, and college hoops. Big Cat and PFT are operating on leaked-brain logic, but there’s no better time for a show than when the guys match the exact level of exhaustion and mania as the rest of the country.
The South Region and the Legend of Oral Bob
Oral Roberts is the undisputed story of the weekend, becoming just the second 15-seed ever to reach the Sweet 16. After stunning Ohio State and taking down Florida, the "Gluck Gluck over Chomp Chomp" era is officially here. While Big Cat debated whether it's better or worse for Ohio State fans that Oral Bob is actually a juggernaut, the focus shifted to their next opponent: the Muss Buss.
Big CatI am a Muss Buss believer
I'm a Muss Buss believer. The runs that they [Arkansas] go on, when they decide to step on the gas pedal, the Muss Buss, and they turn it on against Texas Tech, it was like, there's no going back.
Arkansas looks electric when they turn it on, but they aren't the only ones in the South making noise. Wisconsin dismantled UNC in a game so ugly for the Tar Heels that PFT couldn't help but compare their lack of motion to a backyard pool game.
PFT CommenterThe UNC offense against Wisconsin looked like uncoordinated pool basketball
This performance from UNC was abysmal. The only way I can describe it is UNC looked like they were playing pool basketball on offense. They would get the ball, pivot around, maybe take a couple steps, pass it. They were having no sort of motion, it just looked completely uncoordinated.
Midwest Mayhem and Sister Jean’s Dark Magic
Loyola Chicago isn't a Cinderella; they’re just a buzzsaw. Cameron Krutwig’s footwork and Porter Moser’s coaching (or Porter Moses, if you ask Big Cat’s journalist brain) sent Illinois packing. However, the real story remains Sister Jean, whose pre-game "prayers" have started reading like advanced scouting reports from KenPom. PFT has some concerns about where she’s getting her power.
PFT CommenterSister Jean is a witch who uses dark magic to usurp God's throne
Sister Jean, this is not a nice prayer. I think Sister Jean's a witch. I think it's like a little dark magic. She's drawing people away from God's light and more towards Sister Jean's light. Is she usurping God? Is she the Meghan Markle of the kingdom of heaven?
On the other side of the bracket, Syracuse and Buddy Boeheim are proving that the tournament is simply a different sport. Buddy is shooting 55% from deep over his last four games, and Big Cat is ready to stake his reputation as a scout on the kid.
Big CatBuddy Boeheim should be the #1 pick for the Houston Rockets and will be a 10-time NBA All-Star
Buddy Boeheim would be my number one pick if I were the Houston Rockets. Buddy Boeheim, dude, he can't miss. He's shooting 55% from three... I'm telling you he is going to be a 10-time All-Star in the NBA.
Of course, Jim Boeheim’s success always brings back the 2-3 zone. It’s the ultimate gimmick that everyone knows is coming, yet it still hits teams like a car in the middle of the night.
PFT CommenterThe Syracuse zone defense is the most perfect invention in the history of college basketball
It's honestly like the most perfect invention in the history of college basketball. I can't think of a gimmicky type offense or defense besides maybe the triple option at certain schools that has existed for this long and will always fuck you up even when you know that it's coming for you.
The East, the West, and the Blandness of Houston
Abilene Christian and Texas gave us a game that was less of a basketball contest and more of a haunted house where the floor was literally oozing blood. While Shaka Smart’s hair remains the biggest mystery of the season, Houston quietly advanced as the most efficient, yet least charismatic, team in the field.
Big CatHouston is the blandest, least likable team that is good at basketball
Houston has to be the blandest, least likable team that's good at basketball. Good defense. Who likes Houston? Kelvin Sampson's a jerk. Like, who likes that? They're big city Houston Cougars and like they have no real personality and just like they're always good but never really good.
PFT thinks the Cougars need a total brand overhaul to win over the public, suggesting they lean back into the glory days of the Phi Slamma Jamma era.
PFT CommenterHouston should focus exclusively on dunking and rebrand as 'Phi Slamma Jamma' to fix their image
If I'm Houston, you've got to realize that you have an image problem. And the best way they can do that is just label their team Phi Slamma Jamma and just focus on dunking for a year. That's all it takes. Just focus on dunking for one year, call themselves Phi Slamma Jamma 2: The Return of the Dunk.
Meanwhile, the Pac-12 has been the surprise of the tournament. While everyone spent all year calling them a mid-major conference, Oregon State has transformed into an unstoppable force. Big Cat, despite being burned by them in the Pac-12 tournament, has finally seen the light.
Big CatOregon State is the best team in the country right now
Oregon State's the best team in the country as of right now... Oregon State's the hottest team in the country. They're incredible. The Beavers. Shout out to Beavers.
Who’s Back and One Shining Moment Predictions
The episode wrapped up with a very special edition of Who's Back, featuring the return of spring break fights in Miami and some questionable stair-climbing from the President. Big Cat noted that the worst thing you can do when you trip is try to act like a track star to cover it up.
Big CatThe biggest mistake you can make after tripping is speeding up your pace to look more athletic
You can't do what Joe Biden did, and that is the initial reaction whenever you trip going upstairs is 'let me speed my pace up to show everyone how athletic I am and ha-ha, I didn't trip up these stairs.' Well, then you just trip up more stairs.
Finally, Jake Marsh laid out his early predictions for what will make the final cut of the One Shining Moment montage. While he’s pulling for a VCU tribute, Hank is drawing a hard line in the sand regarding the sanctity of the video.
HankThe day a meme enters 'One Shining Moment' is the day I am done with the NCAA tournament
One-shining moment is bigger than memes. Please don't belittle it. The day a meme enters a one-shining moment is the day I'm out.
We still have eight more games to go on Monday, so keep the Tums close and the Coors Light closer.
