PMT DB
PMT DB
NFL Week 15: Lions Stun Cardinals, Colts Are Legit, and a Massive Fastest 2 Minutes
Week 15 was a bit of a fever dream, mostly because we weren't all in the same room thanks to COVID protocols, but the football was as weird as ever. We kicked things off with the Fastest 2 Minutes, and naturally, Jake Marsh ended up winning the segment by being surprisingly incredible at the boomer-style puns.
The Colts are My Pinky's Nightmare
Big Cat is officially terrified for the tip of his pinky. The Colts didn't just beat the Patriots on Saturday night; they bullied them. Despite Carson Wentz being functionally useless—going 5 for 12 for 57 yards—the Colts won because Jonathan Taylor is a terrifying human being and their defense is opportunistic. While the Patriots looked flat coming off the bye, PFT thinks this might actually be exactly what Bill Belichick wanted.
PFT CommenterThe Patriots needed to get their ass kicked to refocus for the playoffs
I actually think they needed to get their ass kicked a little bit... Bill Belichick is going to be living inside the Patriots' asses this week and I think they're probably going to be better in the long term for it.
TJ Watt is a Monster and the Cardinals are Frauds
In Pittsburgh, the Steelers did their usual routine of playing a horrific first half only to have Mike Tomlin rah-rah them into a gritty win. The Titans made the fatal mistake of stepping on the Steelers' logo, and TJ Watt spent the rest of the afternoon making them regret it. Big Cat is ready to give him the hardware right now.
Big CatTJ Watt should win Defensive Player of the Year
TJ Watt is, I know he won't win it, but he should win Defensive Player of the Year. I know that the Browns fans will be like Myles Garrett... [Watt] has 17 and a half sacks and he's played 10 full games. He does everything for them.
Speaking of regretting things, the Arizona Cardinals went to Detroit and got absolutely punked. There is no other word for it. They were 13-point favorites and looked like they didn't know what a football was. PFT isn't just disappointed; he's officially calling them out.
PFT CommenterThe Cardinals are frauds
I've been thinking about them [the Cardinals] all year. I've been thinking about putting the F-word on him... The Cardinals are definitely fraudulent.
Big Cat took it a step further, aiming directly at the headset. He's officially out on Kliff Kingsbury after witnessing some of the most baffling fourth-down decision-making in recent memory.
Big CatKliff Kingsbury is a fraud who just wings it
Kliff Kingsbury, I think he just fucking wings it. In the first half they're down 10, nothing going into with two minutes left fourth and three, they go for it. Then in the second half, they're down 17, nothing, fourth and three, they kick a field goal. Then they're down 24-3 and they kick another field goal. So like, why did you go for it the first time then kick field goals the second time? I think he just wings it. I don't know. It makes no sense to me.
NFC Playoff Picture and the 49ers Wagon
While the Bucs were busy getting shut out by the Saints—and losing half their roster to hamstrings and ACLs in the process—the NFC middle class is starting to look dangerous. Big Cat is looking at New Orleans as a team that could ruin someone's January.
Big CatWatch out for the Saints as a 'don't look now' team in the NFC
The Saints might be your don't look now team. They finish against the Dolphins, Panthers and Falcons. Like they could run the table. They could be in... they still have so many, their defense is still so good. And with [Alvin] Kamara back, watch out for the Saints.
Then there are the 49ers. They are playing a style of football that is just physically exhausting to watch, and Kyle Shanahan has his groove back. Between Deebo Samuel being the most versatile weapon in the league and George Kittle being a monster, Big Cat is all in on the Niners being a problem.
Big CatThe 49ers are a 'don't fuck with them' team in the playoffs
I'm officially saying it. The 49ers might be my favorite team to watch play football. They are so much fucking fun to watch play football. Not only like their defense is now starting to really like hum with Bosa and everyone. But then on the offensive side of the ball, George Kittle is a monster Deebo Samuel might be the most electric player in the NFL... I'm back in love. I love watching the 49ers play football. They are legitimate. Like don't fuck with them in the playoffs team.
Bad Teams, Good Vibes
Billy Football is actually finding reasons to be optimistic about the Jets, which is a scary place to be. They lost to the Dolphins, but Zach Wilson didn't turn the ball over, and for Billy, that’s basically a Super Bowl win.
Billy FootballThe Jets are going to be sick next year
This team's [the Jets] going to be sick. Next year we have draft picks and it just all starts shaping up. Progress is honestly better than a win, you know, just for the future and looking forward. I think Zach's got enough mistakes in the season. I think he's learned a lot and now it's starting to pay off.
In Houston, the Davis Mills era might actually be a real thing. He looks competent, which is a high bar for the Texans right now. Big Cat thinks they might have found their guy for the immediate future without even having to use a high pick.
Big CatDavis Mills is the Texans' future for at least next year
Jacksonville and Davis Mills, I think I'm ready to say Davis Mills is your future for at least next year Houston. If Davis Mills had stayed for another year at Stanford, he might've been drafted by the Texans with like the first or second pick. He would have gotten all the hype. I don't think he's that bad, which is a nice thing to say about a guy who's playing on a bad team.
Toe Truthers and Final Thoughts
We wrapped up the game recaps with the Packers-Ravens thriller. Tyler Huntley looked incredible, but John Harbaugh’s addiction to going for two finally bit him again. This sent Hank into a tailspin regarding the current state of analytics in the NFL.
HankI'm done with fourth downs; teams should just take the points
I said this in the group text earlier that I'm done with fourth downs. Every other single coach just goes for every single fourth and like three from the first quarter, second quarter, third quarter, fourth quarter... just give up points, give up points, give up points, not get the fourth down conversions and then lose the game by one. When, if they had just kicked field, they probably easily could have won that game. I'm full, wholeheartedly on the, just, just get points where you can get points team from now on.
Meanwhile, PFT is spinning conspiracy theories about Aaron Rodgers and his digit. He's not buying the 'COVID toe' or the broken toe drama for a second.
PFT CommenterAaron Rodgers is faking his toe injury to stop people from talking about his vaccination status
I think I'm a toe truther. I don't think that Aaron Rodgers actually has a toe injury. I think that he did have a toe injury... He was under a lot of fire from a lot of people from the whole immunized versus vaccinated thing. And he was like, what's going to get all the freaks out there to stop complaining about my vaccination status? I'll put out a gross foot pick and then everybody will talk about that picture... Now guess what the whole story is about how tough I'm being playing on my fake broken toe, gutting out the end of the season. No, one's talking about my vaccination status anymore.
Between Dan Campbell being the Coach of the Year and the USFL trying to lure PFT into a kicking career, it’s going to be a long week of waiting for more daily football.
At least we still have Davis Mills' neck to guide us through the darkness.
