PMT DB
PMT DB
Jamar Chase went to Spain and apparently decided the entire Falcons secondary was coming with him. Week 9 was mostly a parade of ugly football, but Pardon My Take still found enough material for a full Sunday of quarterback arguments, playoff math, a loose Corgi, and a pancake-related psychological collapse. The Packers also reappeared from the dead, which Big Cat would like formally noted as Hank's fault.
Fastest Two Minutes, Fastest Chase Button
The Fastest Two Minutes opened with Joe Burrow treating the international game like a personal commercial for the NFL. Chase had 142 yards in the first half, Tee Higgins added two touchdowns, and the Bengals looked like they could score whenever they felt like it. Big Cat is now willing to entertain Cincinnati as the AFC's top seed, while PFT's dream world has the Bengals meeting the Jaguars in the AFC Championship Game at halftime of a tie game. Naturally, PFT is "two for three lifetime" on dream bets.
Big CatThe Bengals can still get the AFC's No. 1 seed
Don't be surprised that the Bengals can find a way to get the one seed because they're hot. They don't have the toughest schedule.
The rest of the morning slate was a collection of teams winning in ways that made everyone less sure about them. The Broncos kept their absurd one-score streak alive, the Rams unleashed Miles Garrett on Washington, and the Browns-Saints game briefly appeared to be legally prohibited from producing a touchdown. The Panthers game did, however, feature Lennox the Corgi breaking six tackles, tying the running backs and leading the game in the only statistic that truly mattered.
Quarterbacks, Playoff Windows, and Other Forms of Delusion
PFT was not ready to close the Commanders' season, but he did put Dan Quinn's job security in a blender. Washington's defense could not stop Puka Nacua, Quinn punted on fourth-and-six from the Rams' 40 with the team down seven, and PFT declared that a decision in the 99.9th percentile of cowardice. Still, there is hope. It is currently somewhere in the distance, behind the Giants, Bengals, Cardinals, and Titans.
PFT CommenterThe Commanders will have a different head coach next year
I think that we will have a different head coach next year and probably a new play caller.
The Giants, meanwhile, keep winning ugly games, which is how Big Cat arrived at his preferred quarterback strategy: bring in Jameis Winston or Gardner Minshew only when an offense needs a little electricity, then remove them before the electricity burns down the house. Jameis did exactly that against the Eagles, entering for an injured JJ McCarthy and producing the touchdown drive that changed the game. Joe Milton's first start was not terrible, although Philadelphia's receiver room made his bazooka arm look like a weapon nobody had remembered to load.
Big CatJameis Winston and Gardner Minshew should be drive-to-drive spark plugs, not starters
I feel like Jameis and Gardner Minshew are just, they should just be solely drive-to-drive guys. Just bring them in when you need a little bit of a pop. Maybe don't start them.
The Lions beat Miami without looking particularly impressive, which PFT considered evidence that Detroit's championship window remains open. The Chiefs handled the Jets, but not before Harrison Butker missed the same kick twice and Big Cat started wondering why Kansas City keeps letting him have a job. The Chiefs are still beating bad teams into paste. The question is whether the old sense of inevitability will return when the opponents get better.
Big CatThe Chiefs should cut Harrison Butker
How have they not cut Harrison Butker at this point? He missed the same field goal twice in a row. It feels like they're playing with fire when it comes to Harrison Butker.
That question led to a broader AFC discussion. The Texans finally looked like the Texans people expected before the season, CJ Stroud threw five touchdowns, and Houston's defense turned the Chargers into a weekly intervention for Hank. Big Cat is not ready to bury them yet, which is a dangerous sentence whenever the subject is a team that just won by 22.
Big CatThe Texans are not done yet
The Texans, I mean they should do this to the Chargers. I do not think the Texans are—have we heard the last of the Texans? Like, I do think that's a team that they, because just based on their history, if they get hot...
The Packers Are Back, Unfortunately
Green Bay's trip to New England was the most fun kind of bad news for everyone who enjoyed mocking the Packers in September. Jordan Love was throwing deep balls like he had personally outlawed checkdowns, Christian Watson and Matthew Golden remembered how to catch, and the Patriots defense had no answer for either of them. Christian Gonzalez had one of those games where every receiver he covered immediately became open.
Big CatThe Packers are scary and Jordan Love is playing at an MVP level
The Packers, I mean, they're good. They don't even have Micah Parsons yet. They're just back playing great football and their defense is flying around and Jordan Love's playing at MVP level. I'm scared. They're scary.
Big Cat sounded genuinely frightened by the Packers, especially because Micah Parsons has not even joined the full horror movie yet. PFT's MVP pick was not Jordan Love, however. His preseason MVP was Justin Herbert, a prediction that has aged about as well as a Chargers lead in the fourth quarter.
The NFC North is now a weekly knife fight. The Lions, Packers, Vikings, and Bears keep stacking wins, and PFT thinks Minnesota's broken offense will be the thing that finally knocks the Vikings out of the playoff picture. The Bears got the strangest win of the week against Tampa Bay, throwing four interceptions, fumbling, committing penalties, and still surviving because their defense refused to let the game make sense.
Big CatThe Bears can win games with their defense even when the offense struggles
The fact that the defense can win games. The first time the Bears won a Sunday Night Football game since 2018... This is the sign of a good team that you can win games multiple different ways.
The Bears offense was sloppy enough to make Caleb Williams look mortal, but Jeff Simmons and the defense kept bailing everyone out. Big Cat's larger point was that good teams can win ugly, which is a much more encouraging takeaway than trying to explain that fake punt from Chicago's own 15-yard line. The NFC North will eventually have to stop beating itself up, but not before Thanksgiving becomes a full-contact standings exercise.
PFT CommenterThe Vikings will be the NFC North team left out of the playoffs
I think the Vikings are the ones that get left out.
Who's Back: Blades, Spies, and Pancakes
Hank's Who's Back was Blades Brown, the 19-year-old golfer who won the Worldwide Technology Championship in Mexico. The segment immediately became an investigation into whether the PGA Tour actually has a fall season, whether FedEx Cup points are fake, and why Worldwide Technology sounds like a company that could sell literally anything. Hank insisted the tournament was real. Big Cat remained unconvinced by the existence of golf after August.
HankBlades Brown is the youngest PGA Tour winner since World War II
Blades Brown is the now youngest winner on the PGA Tour or fourth youngest ever, youngest since World War II, beating Jordan Spieth.
The pancake argument was somehow even more intense. Hank claimed he makes pancakes regularly. Big Cat and Max treated this as an obvious and deeply personal lie, demanding photographic evidence from the skillet. Hank eventually admitted that his pancake history was mostly connected to winter, protein powder, COVID, and a now-deceased built-in griddle. The show may never recover from the discovery that Hank has a waffle maker but does not appear to use it.
PFT's entry was heartbreak, via the strange public breakup of WNBA stars on a podcast called *F Around and Find Out*. Zac then brought Nvidia, a possible Chinese spy, international business, and Supreme Divorce Court into the room. The takeaway was not that anyone understood the story. The takeaway was that if a person is going to cheat, they should avoid doing it with someone who might be working for a world superpower.
ZacNvidia's CEO may have been manipulated by a Chinese spy
Their CEO may have cheated on his wife, but he may have also done with a Chinese spy.
By the time birthdays and college football rolled around, the podcast had covered NFL playoff races, golf's mysterious second season, and the legal status of a pancake. The Bengals are hot, the Packers are scary, the Bears can win without their offense, and Hank owes the world a picture of blueberry pancakes. Sunday was weird. PMT was ready for it.
And if Hank does not post that skillet photo, the pancake allegations become fact.
