PMT DB
PMT DB
Josh Allen opened Buffalo's new stadium by treating the Lions defense like a warm-up drill, and Big Cat immediately admitted that the show may not be glazing him enough. The flicks, the runs, the effortless deep balls, the ability to carry Aidan Hutchinson around like a backpack: Allen looked like he had unlocked the easy difficulty setting.
Big CatJosh Allen is playing quarterback on easy mode
We're a Josh Allen podcast. People sometimes get upset about how much we glaze him. I don't think we glaze him enough because he's playing quarterback on easy mode. It looks like that for him. The flick of the wrist, the runs, everything—it all looks like the game is slowed down for him. He's in just total control of the game.
The Bills' offense was so overwhelming that the show briefly revisited the most painful alternate-history question in Buffalo sports: how many Super Bowls would the Bills have won if kickers didn't exist? PFT's answer was "like three or four," which is both completely unprovable and exactly the kind of thing that can derail a Friday football podcast for ten minutes.
PFT CommenterThe Bills could have three or four Super Bowls without kickers
You can make the argument that the Buffalo Bills would have like three or four Super Bowls if kickers weren't a thing in football. You can make the argument that the Patriots might not have had the start of that dynasty if it wasn't for kickers.
Week Two Overreaction Season
Week 2 is where everyone finds out whether Week 1 was information or just a very elaborate hallucination. Big Cat brought a 70% trend involving teams that failed to cover in Week 1 and are underdogs in Week 2. The list included the Lions, Falcons, Titans, Browns, Dolphins, and Colts, meaning the trend is useful but requires you to hold your nose while betting it.
Big CatWeek 1 underdogs that failed to cover are a 70% ATS trend in Week 2
Teams that failed to cover the spread in Week 1 and enter Week 2 as underdogs have gone 26-11-2 against the spread since 2014. Seventy percent.
The Steelers-Patriots preview featured Hank's return to graph talk, Drake Maye's allegedly unlucky interceptions, and PFT's discovery that Matt Stafford has enjoyed two straight years of suspiciously excellent turnover luck. Then the show spent several minutes watching NFL Tape Watch clips of open Patriots receivers while Hank tried to figure out why everyone was suddenly obsessed with a man named Glen. The reveal that PFT had edited the clips to remove one defensive player was a perfect little office prank, especially because Hank had confidently counted the remaining eleven.
The gambling slate kept producing material. Memes believes rain can make the Jets a real football team against the Packers, while PFT dared Jalen Hurts to beat Tennessee from the pocket after Jeffrey Simmons said the Eagles quarterback should be forced to play quarterback. PFT's proposed response was not subtle: 300 yards, three touchdowns, and a message.
PFT CommenterJalen Hurts will answer the Titans by beating them as a passer
I actually think Jalen Hurts is good enough as a quarterback that when somebody dares him to do that, he could say, 'Fuck you, I will beat you as a quarterback.' And then stay in the pocket and throw for like 300 yards and three touchdowns.
PFT also made the Jaguars the most powerful small-market team in America, at least conditionally. A win in Denver would put Jacksonville behind only the Jets in his power rankings, which is a sentence that would have sounded like a cry for help two weeks earlier. He also crowned Seattle No. 1 after remembering that the Seahawks beat New England while playing much of the game with ten defenders on the field.
PFT CommenterThe Jaguars would be the second-best team in football if they win in Denver
If they win this game in Denver, I would put them maybe second in the power rankings behind the Jets.
The afternoon slate brought the discovery of Jack Strand, a Division II quarterback from the jump-rope capital of Wisconsin who may or may not be about to take over the Falcons. The available film consisted of what appeared to be four plays on a loop, but that did not stop Max from becoming a Strand believer. "Let's get stranded" was repeated enough times to qualify as a new segment.
Hank, meanwhile, finally stopped pretending he didn't have a Hungry Dog. His early candidates included the Commanders, Bengals, Vikings, Giants, Jets, and Falcons, which is less a locked-in pick than a man opening every refrigerator in the house and claiming he is still deciding what to eat. He did, however, make one actual prediction about Washington and Dallas.
HankThe Commanders will roll over the Cowboys
I think the Commanders are gonna roll this game. The Eagles are good and the Commanders almost beat them. The Commanders are gonna beat the Cowboys.
Chris Gotterup Wants America To Win
Chris Gotterup joined the show ahead of the Presidents Cup at Medinah and instantly fit the PMT ecosystem: New Jersey lacrosse and golf, Oklahoma wind, a 320-yard drive, and absolutely no interest in pretending that his tournament whiff was anything other than a spectacular whiff.
Gotterup talked about the weird pressure of alternate shot, the rule he shares with partners that nobody is allowed to say "sorry," and how much worse it feels to hit a bad shot when somebody else's family is watching. He also explained why Oklahoma produces golfers: it is windy every single day, and the wind finds out immediately whether your swing is real.
The United States cannot lose the Presidents Cup
You cannot lose it. It can't be my first team and then lose, and then no, then I'm done forever.
He was refreshingly direct about the PGA Tour's pace of play, too. Thursday and Friday rounds are too slow, and if someone is having a bad round, they should at least have the decency to play quickly. That is a take every golfer has had while standing behind a group that is treating a 12-foot putt like a NASA launch.
Thursday and Friday rounds on the PGA Tour are too slow
Overall pace of play's too slow. I'm—Thursday and Friday are the worst. Especially if you're having a bad round, at least play fast.
The interview eventually reached Jim Irsay, who once challenged Gotterup and JB Holmes to a $100,000 golf match, took them to a Colts game, showed them an indoor ice rink, and apparently kept Elton John's Live Aid piano in his living room. This is the correct way to be a billionaire: envelopes of cash, an ice rink, and a house that sounds like it was designed by a seven-year-old with unlimited money.
Fyre Fest Of The Week
PFT's Fyre Fest began with Blake the dog's recurring ear infections and ended with PFT accidentally taking his Adderall at approximately 1 a.m. after mistaking Blake's barking for his alarm. He then spent an hour organizing the home screens on his iPhone while unknowingly chemically preparing for Wake Up Barstool. Hank correctly pointed out that nobody calls it a desktop. PFT refused to accept this terminology correction because the sleep deprivation had already won.
Big Cat and Max also began preparing for a potential six-day sports war involving Wisconsin-Penn State, the Bears, the Eagles, the Phillies, and the Cubs. Their friendship will be tested by baseball series, football loyalties, and possibly the kind of tattoo bets that begin as a joke and end with somebody explaining a terrible piece of ink to a doctor.
Big Cat's other Fyre Fest was assistant Dom's full-uniform Cleveland fandom, complete with a catcher's mitt and the emotional stability of a baseball fan who changes sports the moment one game goes badly. The final cyber-security crisis came from Zac, whose laptop had moved from Islamic prayer ads to Russian apartment timeshares. The office's weakest link may have accidentally created a new international market for PMT.
One thing is certain: if the Commanders' glass-roof stadium melts Jayden Daniels, Mud will have asked the only question that matters.
