Vikings fans now have no excuse to miss church on Sundays

Hey, Vikings fans, you don't have an excuse to miss church now. OK, so every Sunday, get your ass in the pew. I know you guys party hard, so you've got a lot of sins to atone for.

A player who suffers a gruesome career-ending injury should have the option to be euthanized on the field

If it's an old fullback, let's say he's like 37, 38 years old, got a lot of miles on the legs. He's about to retire and he lives and breathes for football, breaks his leg gruesomely. I think a player like that would almost rather be euthanized on the field than have to live out the rest of the life.

The Timberwolves will be the savior of Minnesota sports with Tom Thibodeau

The Timberwolves are going to be good. Tom Thibodeau is here to save you, Minnesota. So let's just... Sometimes it's good to just be like, you know what? Cancel this entire season. We're just going to go on to the next one. And guess what? The next one's pretty damn good.

Winter is officially over and next week will be golf weather

I think it's the official end of winter. Winter's done. Next week it's gonna be 60. Get the golf shoes out, get the shorts out. We made it another year of winter in Chicago.

Nebraska will finally get their first NCAA tournament win this year

I do think this is the year Nebraska gets their win. I think they have to. They're gonna be like minus 300 in the first round, minus 400. They gotta win.

If Tom Izzo makes this year's Final Four, I will admit I was wrong about him being overrated for the last 10 years.

I think it just feels like it's Izzo. He's gonna go out in the Final Four. He's gonna get there. This is for whether or not he's overrated or not. I will admit that I was wrong. I had 10 years of being wrong about Tom Izzo if they make it to this Final Four.