It only counts as Opening Day if you can skip work and get drunk during the day

I only count it as opening day if you can skip work and get drunk during the day and watch baseball. Otherwise, like a Sunday night, I could do that any other week of the year.

Opening Day should always be on a Monday so everyone can skip work and get drunk together.

You have to have opening day be like a Monday. Everyone can skip work, get drunk. There's a lot of games together. Shout out to Johnny Bench. He was absolutely right. I hate what they've done [with Sunday night games].

Fireball is an acceptable ballpark drink until September 1st

I like to do airplane minis, like the mini bottles of Fireball... It's kind of like you don't wear white after Labor Day. You don't want to be drinking Fireball after like September 1st. After September 1st, you want to lose the flavored whiskey and get like some Jack Daniels or something because it's about a playoff push. So you got to focus. None of this sugary crap.

Tommy Lasorda is mentally sharp but his physical stature is overrated

Tommy's fine. He's upright. He's around. He's mentally very spry. Physically, he's not at the top of his game, but mentally he is... Overrated. He's sharp. You know when you get older and they have that row of 20 lines that they can go to in any situation, you can't beat them at anything? He's at that stage.

I love when hitters celebrate and flip bats, even if it's against me

Actually, I like hitter celebrating, even if it's in a way that I don't agree with. Just do it. Do your thing. I'd be okay with it.

I'm fine with having dementia in 30 years as a result of my baseball career

Yeah, you just keep it out of your head as much as you can and just know you're going to have dementia in 30 years and you're okay with it.