Jacoby Brissett might actually be a legitimate starting quarterback

I think Jacoby Brissett might be a guy. I just think Jacoby Brissett deserves credit because he's playing great football and he's been put in a situation that's probably not ideal knowing that like you're playing for your own job for your own future, but you also know that this isn't your team.

Replacing Mitchell Trubisky with Kenny Pickett won't solve the Steelers' problems

I don't think that the problems that they have to solve can be solved by going to Kenny Pickett. In fact, I think it would just kind of screw with Kenny Pickett a little bit because the team, they put him in an obviously flawed team.

A Browns Super Bowl win with Deshaun Watson would be the most hated of all time

What if the Browns go to the Super Bowl and Deshaun Watson is the quarterback... America hates this shit out of them. It should be their moment, their crowning moment of like this team has never won a Super Bowl... and you win the most hateable Super Bowl of all time.

AJ Brown will only be traded for a first-round pick starting price

The price is the price. It starts with a first-round pick. If the Patriots want him, it's a 2027 first-round pick, not 2026, because their first-round pick this year is basically a second-round pick.

Fettuccine Alfredo is fake Italian food.

Alfredo's not real Italian. There's no heavy cream in Italian cuisine. Alfredo's fake Italian. He [Rick Pitino] would maybe do a lemon chicken, maybe do a lemon chicken Piccata. But Alfredo... Cacho e pepe, that's Italian. But there's no heavy cream in Italian cuisine.

The Sixers are a bad team that loses every game Joel Embiid doesn't play

The Sixers suck. The Sixers are a bad team. Embiid's not playing. They lose—the Sixers are back to losing every game that Embiid doesn't play.