Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time

Joey Chestnut is the greatest American that has ever lived. One of the greatest athletes of all time. And I think we can confidently say that he is the greatest eater, the greatest human eater of all time... He is the greatest athlete of all time, in my opinion.

The Nets should refuse to trade Kevin Durant and force him to stay

I actually am of the belief that the Nets should just be like, fuck it. You're staying on the team. You signed a four year deal. Like they used to mean something kind of pushed back player empowerment. Like, Hey, no, you can't be traded. We're going to keep you.

The Jazz will be a championship problem in 8 to 10 years after their draft pick haul

It's essentially like the Jazz are just, and they're going to probably do the same thing with Donovan Mitchell. And it's just going to be the Jazz in like eight to 10 years are going to be a problem. I'm calling it right now.

I am the Neil Armstrong of Pac-Man

What's absolutely gorgeous about [the perfect Pac-Man score] is other people can do it. Friends can play, we can learn. We can teach. We can have fun. They can do it. But they're simply repeating what I already did. Right. There's only one man who stepped on the moon first... so it's fun being Neil Armstrong.

I would be the best in the world at any profession I chose to obsess over

I believe whatever I did, I would be the best at, just because I only want to be the best... I wanted to be at one point in my life thinking I wanted to be, you know, I'm a Navy pilot. I mean, I would have been the best because I would have been so obsessed with it. I wanted to be, you know, a crime fighter. I mean, I put every bad guy in jail because I'd be the best.