The Browns are going to make the playoffs

The Browns are going to make the playoffs. I'm looking at it too, and you know what season it is. It's playoff machine season on ESPN... I've been running the scenarios, crunching the numbers. They're not [the Packers] going to make the playoffs... But you know who is going to make the playoffs? The Browns.

Signing Kirk Cousins was a bad idea that everyone predicted would fail

Kirk Cousins' signing was one of those things where everyone in the world was like, 'Hey, this is a bad idea.' To a man, everyone was like, 'Hey, this is a really bad idea.' But because of the NFL and how the quarterback position is played... anyone could be sucked in and talk themselves into saying Kirk Cousins.

Kirk Cousins is just Case Keenum in a tuxedo

Now, what he is, is Case Keenum in a tuxedo. He is the nicest looking version of Case Keenum that you can put together.

Take $500,000 over a dinner with Jay-Z

[$500,000]. Because most likely Jay-Z has said it a million times in various different ways. So it would be like me saving $500,000 just to spend two days looking at every single interview he's ever done... why do I need to listen to him? I could save $500,000.

Parents should buy a share of stock that matches every toy they buy their kids

Buy him a little Caterpillar truck, right? Buy him a share in Caterpillar. Ooh. And then show him what that truck is equal to... Buy him a share in maybe Disney and a Disney product that he likes... he's gonna start to understand [finance].

You should double down on Amazon stock right now while it is at a 30% discount

Amazon, you should be doubling down on Amazon right now because right now if a car you loved was on a 30% discount, brand new, wouldn't you buy a couple of 'em?... it's gonna go back up.