Giancarlo Stanton is a bum

Giancarlo Stanton, I'm ready to say he's a bum. No pinstripes for you, Giancarlo. If it were an April game between the Miami Marlins and the Atlanta Braves, I'm sure you would have hit a home run in a big spot.

An 8-8 record will win the NFC East in 2018

However, the NFC East is an absolute dumpster fire. I'm pretty sure 8-8 wins it, and you're playing against the Eagles at home on Thursday night. If you win that game, you now are the favorite to win the NFC East.

The Yankees should fire Aaron Boone because anyone would be better

You probably should fire Aaron Boone, and you will get someone better than him because everyone is better than him. Anyone. Luis Severino bringing him out for the fourth inning in game three on Monday night was maybe the most inexcusable thing I've ever seen a manager do.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.