37 is the saddest birthday for an adult

I'm comfortable in 37. I'm old I'm washed. Who cares? 37 is in terms of the birthday scale. It ranks at the very bottom. The saddest birthday, really nothing burns.

The Chiefs' loss to the Bengals is more heartbreaking than the Bills' 13-second loss

I think that this loss for the Chiefs is more heartbreaking than the Bills' loss. Because here's why... Bills went shot for shot. They gave it their all.

America will be rooting for the Bengals over the Rams in the Super Bowl

I'm going to root my dick off for the Bengals against the Rams... Who's not rooting for the Bengals in this Super Bowl? We are officially rooting for the Bengals to win the Super Bowl... America's going to root for the Bengals.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.