The Phoenix Suns are officially dead

The Suns are dead. I proclaimed it. The Suns are dead. They don't look like they have any life to him whatsoever. They look anemic. Bradley Beal looks pretty bad. No trade clauses, by the way, for Bradley Beal. So yeah, I think he's like the sixth highest player in the NBA. They're gonna be stuck with that for a little bit.

The Timberwolves are legit and much better defensively than the Phoenix Suns

The Timberwolves are good and they're deep. Their two stars [Towns and Edwards] did not play great and the Timberwolves still won easily because they're just so much better defensively. And the Suns play iso ball. It's terrible basketball to watch. I think the Timberwolves are really, really good.

Devin Booker is a worse player when he wears a headband

I also have a vibe stat for this game. And it has nothing—it's based on absolutely nothing... I don't think Devin Booker's good when he wears a headband. I just don't know why. I think maybe his head is too constricted. He wears a tight headband.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.