DJ Burns is the man and NC State is America's team for beating Duke

DJ Burns is the fucking man. Yes. I love him. Thank everyone in America should thank DJ Burns for beating Duke. Oh. For just being awesome.

The only way to defend DJ Burns is to pull the chair out from under him

The, if you're not a giant, the only way that you can defend him is something that Duke tried to do one time tonight that never went back to it. Where you just back away from him. As he's putting that, he pull the chair, you pull the chair out and then he gets outta control. That's the only way that you can stop him because you can't push back against him.

Zach Edey is legitimately good at basketball despite his game being unenjoyable to watch

Purdue fans should just be like, that's okay because we win. You know what I mean? Like, it's at a point where it's like to quote our good friend Jay Bilis, agree to disagree. Zach Edey is really good at basketball. Most of America doesn't enjoy this experience. It's okay. Thinking otherwise is stupid.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.