The Browns are going to make the playoffs

The Browns are going to make the playoffs. I'm looking at it too, and you know what season it is. It's playoff machine season on ESPN... I've been running the scenarios, crunching the numbers. They're not [the Packers] going to make the playoffs... But you know who is going to make the playoffs? The Browns.

Signing Kirk Cousins was a bad idea that everyone predicted would fail

Kirk Cousins' signing was one of those things where everyone in the world was like, 'Hey, this is a bad idea.' To a man, everyone was like, 'Hey, this is a really bad idea.' But because of the NFL and how the quarterback position is played... anyone could be sucked in and talk themselves into saying Kirk Cousins.

Kirk Cousins is just Case Keenum in a tuxedo

Now, what he is, is Case Keenum in a tuxedo. He is the nicest looking version of Case Keenum that you can put together.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.