Alex Smith is the most Redskins quarterback of all time

Alex Smith is the most Redskins quarterback of all time. He hasn't played a snap, but he is the perfect R-Words quarterback. He is a watercolor version of Brad Johnson. He is more John Beck than John Beck is. He is like Colt McCoy on the world's worst steroids.

Jay Cutler is now the top prize in the NFL quarterback free agent market

Basically every NFL team, because guess who is now the bell of the ball? Mr. Jay Cutler. Because everyone's getting their franchise quarterbacks. Jacksonville got theirs. Washington got theirs. Who's going to get Jay Cutler?

Robert Griffin III is to blame for the Redskins' current quarterback predicament

If Robert Griffin had done a better job mentoring Kirk Cousins, then they would never have wanted to let Kirk go, and they would have extended him already, and they wouldn't be stuck in this position.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.