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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

A unified hatred of being a Browns fan is the only thing that can pull the nation together

The most healing thing might be to sit down and all watch the Browns because we're all experiencing relief that at least we're not Browns fans. That is the one thing that can pull our nation together, our unified hatred of potentially being a Browns fan.

The Browns went 1-15 in 2016 and 0-16 in 2017, making them a very effective unifying object of pity/disbelief.

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Push
Nov 11, 2016
#22438
Big CatBig Cat

NFL ratings will skyrocket now that the election is over

All those people who are watching electric coverage instead of the NFL, welcome back. The league is better than ever. Ratings are going to skyrocket.

While ratings saw some post-election weekly bumps, overall NFL viewership for the 2016 season was down 8% compared to the previous year.
Loss
Nov 11, 2016
#8898
Big CatBig Cat

LeBron James is due to get busted for steroids at any time

And LeBron's due to get busted for steroids any time now.

LeBron James has never tested positive for steroids in his NBA career.
Void
Nov 11, 2016
#8900
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Barack Obama would be an electric Sunday Night Football announcer

I think he [Obama] would make a good Sunday night football announcer. You team him up with Peyton Manning. I think he'd be electric in the booth.

While subjective, Obama has since become a successful media producer and podcast host, proving he has the personality for it, though he never announced SNF.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.