Trading Anthony Rizzo and Chris Bryant is the correct business move but emotionally crushing for Cubs fans

There's the business side of baseball, which I fully understand. And then there's the sentimental, your heart, the guys you root for the guys you love. I understand the baseball side of it because they need to trade guys when they don't know if they're going to be here at the end of the year, and you've got to rebuild, but goddamn does it suck.

Dodgers fans don't deserve Max Scherzer and Trea Turner because they haven't endured the bad times

You get jealous when they go and they put on another man's uniform and they were playing for another team and you see the other fans starting to root for them. And you're like, no, no, that's my guy. I feel like I'm getting cucked by another fan base. Like the entire city LA getting Trea Turner and Max Scherzer, it's a bad feeling, but I feel like they don't deserve them yet. They didn't go through the bad times of those guys.

Jalen Green will be a great NBA player based solely on his draft night suit

Jalen Green's going to be a great NBA player. Just look at his suit. And I was like, yup, Perk, thank you. This is the analysis. Like I don't give a fuck about you showing me a few highlight teams and being like, he comps out to this guy because similar to the prospects in baseball, none of us know. So yeah, if it's going to be like, 'Hey, this guy wearing a cool suit or not,' that's actually the analysis.

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.