I want Chris Paul to fail so I can keep making fun of Ryan Russillo

I really don't want to lose this take. I don't want him to win a championship. Then we can't have this take. That's very fun to throw around and just pretend that it's all about rings... Ryan Russillo has made it to a point where it's like, I want Chris Paul to fail because I know how much it matters to him. And that's really what male friendship is about.

Male friendship is essentially about rooting for your friends' sports teams to fail so you can laugh at them.

If you break down like what male friendship is about, it's essentially like rooting for your other friends to fail. It's not like fail in a terrible, terrible way, like their life ruined, but the thing they love in sports, you want to see it fail so that you can laugh at them. There's no better gift you can give your friends than have that happen to one of your teams.

Luka Doncic's lack of conditioning is actually a good sign for Mavericks fans

It's actually a great lesson in life of why you should always stay a little bit overweight because you can always say I haven't peaked. I can still reach my level of best shape of my life. And when I do, y'all better watch out. And that's what Luka can do.

The Brewers are what baseball fans say they want

The Brewers are everything that I think most people say that they want in a baseball team now. The knock against the direction baseball's been going for the last 10 years is you strike out, you hit home runs. And that's the way that you do it with the Brewers.

The Broncos would have won with the quarterbacks reversed

If quarterbacks were reversed tonight, who wins? Broncos. I think Drew Lock on the Broncos would've won tonight.

The 24-team playoff is the ongoing Savannah-ification of sports

It's the ongoing Savannah-ification of sports in America. It's a sad day.